How Do You Support Someone Suffering from Depression?

The purpose of this post is to provide some practical tips that family members and close friends can follow to support a loved one suffering from depression.

A Trip to the Doctor

Family members (or a close friend) should encourage or even take someone suffering from depression to visit the family doctor. In a situation like this, a doctor can be of great help. (I will address this issue in more detail in a later post.)

Seek Professional Help

Encourage a family member/friend suffering from depression to seek professional help from a suitable Christian counsellor who understands depression, or from a professional health care worker (preferably a Christian). This will help the sufferer to identify and deal with often-private issues that are causing the depression. (I will address this issue in more detail in another blog.)

Our Role – Patience, Not Pressure

Someone who has not experienced depression cannot possibly understand what a sufferer is going through. Although it is tempting to pressure them to “Snap out of it,” or “Pull yourself together!” this is the wrong course of action.

When my wife succumbed to depression as a result of postnatal depression and a serious problem in our church, she suddenly announced one day; “I don’t want to go to church any more.”

There were a number of ways I could have responded: I could have said, “The Bible says believers must not forsake our assembling together with other believers!” or perhaps, “That’s our church, our home, we must stick it out!” But her request reminded me of a similar request I had made of my church back in 1989 when depression had overwhelmed me. I was confused and bewildered and my behaviour completely erratic. Having just returned from an extremely hectic and sleepless ten-day missionary orientation trip to Thailand, (where my weight had fallen to 55kg), I asked if I could take time off to work out what was wrong with me. Sadly, I was told to get my act together and fulfil my responsibilities or a drastic course of action would be initiated. This simply sent me spiralling into shock as well.

My wife’s request and condition also reminded me of a married couple who had been down this very road. When the wife had become depressed due to a family tragedy, her husband responded with the most amazing depth of understanding and Christ-like patience. He left church with her and was just there for her. He never put her under any pressure but waited patiently for her to recover. And sure enough, she did recover, and they returned to the church.

Bearing these things in mind, my response to my wife’s statement was to call the senior minister and explain our situation. He was very understanding, and sent us on our way with his blessing, telling us not to be concerned about dropping suddenly out of the Sunday School and music teams. For the next two years, I was simply there for my wife. I encouraged her to get counselling, and took her to see a doctor, but I made no demands on her. We attended another church during that time, but did nothing more than attend the services. After about two years, my wife recovered and returned to her normal self, strengthened by her ordeal. At that time we went back to our church (the serious problem had gone) and are still busily serving the Lord there today.

If someone suffering from depression feels trapped by their circumstances, and wants to leave their church, we should not pressure them to stay. A couple of months after I returned from Thailand, I ended up leaving that church. The leadership thought I was the target of a concentrated spiritual attack (which was certainly true a degree) and pressured me to return. They meant well, and genuinely cared for me, but this pressure only made me worse, as you can see from what I wrote in my diary at that time.

28/2/90
My previous place of fellowship puts me under pressure.
Come back to us! You need the ministry we can give you.
But they don’t really understand, they can’t see the pain.
How do I explain to them how I feel?
The last few nights I cried, a deep crying that hurt more than it healed.

The best way that we can support a loved one suffering from depression is to simply be there for them and spend time with them, even if merely watching TV or together or engaging in a mutual hobby or chore such as gardening or housework. Be someone they are content to be with, someone that they can talk to without worrying that we will respond judgementally.

I am always encouraged by the way Jesus views our frailty – He knows we are weak, and He treats us with gentleness. Isaiah 42:3 ‘A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.’

Sherry Castelluccio, who suffered from severe post-partum depression after the birth of her daughter, offered this advice when I asked her if there been any particular person who supported her greatly through depression.

My husband has been my biggest advocate. When I had the post-partum depression he got his feet wet and kind of had no idea what to do with me. He really believed that I just needed to pray and allow God to heal me. Little did he know, LOL. Fast-forward six years. He’s very understanding of what I’m going through and he supports me in the decisions I make. In every way he’s there for me, regardless of whether he “gets it” or not. He’s learned that most of the time I don’t want him to fix anything. I just need him to listen and he’s perfectly fine with that.

We must be careful not to badger them to change back to what they used to be like, nor try to push them to recover. Recovery, or at least, learning to cope with depression, will come with time, but we must give them that time. If there are things that they cannot face, we should not force them to face them, but allow time to bring healing. This may mean that we have to take over some of their household chores for awhile, be willing to cancel social engagements for a time, perhaps even church.

Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

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(All verses from NIV)

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Keeping the YOU in Yuletide

The holiday season can be a time of great joy, connection and celebration. And if you find yourself feeling the warmth of the season, you are lucky.

Many, though, do not find the holidays a time for celebration. Family strife, financial woes, traumatic memories and even loneliness can make the season dark, not bright.

If you are having a rough time as the holidays approach, keeping YOU in this Yuletide Season may help.

1 Put yourself first.

2. Don't over-schedule your time.

3. Keep a limit on spending.

4. Avoid triggers that set old traumas into motion.

5. Focus on what you can control.

6. Choose to do things you want to do, not have to do.

7. Keep expectations realistic.

8. Don't be afraid to delegate or ask for what you need.

9. Live in the present and future, resist the memories of the past.

10. Find beauty in things around you.

And if you find yourself struggling, reach out and get help.

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Acceptance and Committment Therapy

Anger and aggression are often experienced among individuals who've been through traumatic experiences. Many anger management techniques like Stress Inoculation Training focus on the control or management of anger and rage. Though some may find relief in these fencing and corralling techniques, some may not.

For those who find that suppressing or controlling their anger leads to a vicious cycle of greater anger and aggression, there is a new therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that might be able to help.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) gets it name from one of its core messages: to accept what is out of your personal control, while committing to do whatever is in your personal control to improve your quality of life.

ACT focuses on 3 areas:

Accept your reactions and be present
Choose a valued direction
Take action

Sounds like good advice.

I'm gonna learn more about this new Cognitive Behavioral Technique.

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Depression - Empowered by a Lack of Knowledge

They tell us that “ignorance is bliss, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.”

Yet with depression, nothing could be further from the truth, as confirmed by Hosea 4:6. “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” It is ignorance of clinical depression and the way it operates that gives it so much power.

Please note that ‘clinical depression’ is also known as major depressive disorder, organic depression, or simply as depression. Symptoms may include loss of interest in life, overwhelming sadness, obsessive fearful thoughts, fear that this bleak, distressing phase will never end, having no hope for the future, and having disturbing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual symptoms.

If I had known back in the late 1980s what I know now, I would not have fallen victim to an endless cycle of debilitating anxiety attacks nor slipped into a suffocating depression that destroyed my life for eight long months. If I had a dollar for every time I wished I could take my current knowledge back to 1989 and live my life again from that point, I would be rich.

Many positive steps have been taken in recent years to educate our society to the dangers of depression. Radio, television, newspaper and internet adverts warn of depression and encourage sufferers to seek professional help. Nevertheless, I suspect few people in our society can truly relate to what an individual suffering from depression is going through, and even fewer know practical steps that can prevent or overcome it.

Although I had attended thirteen years of school, teacher’s college (with child psychology), and Bible College (with a counselling component), none of the courses taught me specific details about depression or provided a practical guide to overcoming it.

Hence, when I finally slipped headlong into depression at the end of 1989, I had no idea what was wrong with me. As the days turned to weeks and then to months, the fear that this ‘thing’ that had overcome me would never lessen or end crippled me.

I spent hours recording my woes and symptoms in my diary in a futile attempt to work out what was going on. Here is an early entry:

31st Jan ’90 – I feel like the Melbourne weather. I regularly get extremely angry, very angry, even with God. And then, half an hour later, I want to cry, in despair and loneliness…I feel extremely sad for some reason. I even feel extreme momentary excitement every now and then. What has happened to me?

And three months later:

12th April ’90 –
What is this storm that rages within me?
Why won’t it abate, why won’t it subside?
It comes in like a storm, and devours me.
And it won’t go away. It’s nearly four months now.
Four months of doing nothing, just hiding and hiding and waiting

Here is something I wrote in July ‘90, which aptly summarises the abject bewilderment I was experiencing.

A Difficult Road
How should I view my current condition?
This constant state of being ill at ease.
Is it an emotional condition causing physical stress?
Or a physical condition causing emotional stress?
I cannot work it out.
There are so many physical side effects that it could be physical.
Sometimes my shoulder muscles ache to abandon,
The aching pain in my jaw drives me crazy.
My face and arms get a burning, prickling sensation.
My stomach feels trapped, as though it needs to burst,
Or simply feels disturbed.
My chest feels like its going to explode,
And like my stomach, often feels ill at ease.
I’ve also suffered from flu symptoms since April.
These physical problems alone would be enough to cause emotional stress.

And as there are physical problems, so there are emotional ones.
I feel uncomfortable all the time, most notably while at work.
Frustration, irritation, anger and uncontrollable depression are ever present.
Words are inadequate to explain the emotional effects that afflict me.
They vary from a feeling that something big and dark will consume me,
To endless mental churnings that only makes me worse,
To those times where it is so faint that I can only just detect it.
These emotional problems alone would be enough to cause physical stress.

I wish I had a word to describe this ‘illness’ that assails me,
Is it ‘depression?’ I really don’t know.


This uncertainty drove me to the point of despair. On June 14th June ’90 I wrote:

What is suffering?
It must be the human inheritance,
It never ends.
It just goes on and on and on.
And I’ve had enough, but whom do I tell?
How do I get off this merry-go-round?

Eventually, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but it was not explained to me in sufficient detail. What a relief it would have been had I known that all of the symptoms mentioned above in ‘A Difficult Road’ above were caused by depression. There were other symptoms as well, such as racing heart, missed heartbeats, palpitating heartbeat, obsessive thoughts, loss of interest in live, extreme anxiety, panic attacks – all caused by depression.

When I finally learned that depression’s fear-flight cycle caused all these physical and emotional problems, and that by changing my thought processes they would cease, I felt so liberated. (More on this in a later article.) In John 8:32 Jesus said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." As Christians, we also receive help from God’s Holy Spirit. John 16:13 “But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth.”

Here is an example of how truth and knowledge can set us free from fear. When my son was born, he was placed in a humidicrib because he could barely breathe. The nightshift nurses (he was born at 1.30am) gave me such scant information regarding his ailment that I was greatly distressed. The following morning, however, another nurse explained to me that my son’s lungs had filled with fluid during the caesarean operation, a normal occurrence, and that his lungs would drain naturally, within three days. My fears abated and relief flooded through me, and sure enough, fifteen hours later his lungs had cleared and he was united with my wife and me.

It is my heart felt desire that all may know not only depression’s symptoms so that they can recognise it in themselves or others, but also know how to recover from it. Satan uses our lack of knowledge to attack us. Recall the warning Peter gave us in 1 Peter 5:8 ‘Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.’ Take special note that Peter says he prowls around like a roaring lion. Satan excels at deceit and deception.

When I learned in late July 1990 a much more detailed description of what was wrong with me, how I came to be in such a state, and how to recover, I no longer considered myself a freak. Instead, I was comforted by the knowledge that I was suffering from a common affliction. Knowledge replaced ignorance, understanding chased away despair, and hope returned.

The same Holy Spirit who anointed Jesus lives in us! Isaiah 11:2-4 ‘the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD.’

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(All verses from NIV)

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How Sarcasm Works

I don't do it often.

I'm not that glib or quick on my feet.

But there are times when I slam a sarcastic zinger and it makes its mark. And yet, there are other times when my well-crafted, acerbic words fall flat.

Nada. Nothing. A total dud.

I used to think that it was my delivery. Or that the other person wasn't listening to me. But what research has shown is that others need to be on the same social wavelength when the wisecracks fly. Moreover, the ability to comprehend sarcasm relies on a specific sequence of language, social and cognitive skills that rapidly flow in our mind. So alot has to happen in the neuropathways of the brain for sarcasm to hit its target. That is why the processing of social information can be difficult for some.


Read more here and leave me alone, already

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Self-Embedding Disorder

********** Trigger Alert **********

I have written before about the psychological aspects of Cutting and Self Injury. This psychological phenomenon has been on the rise in recent years, and now the Radiological Society of North America is highlighting a unique trend called Self-Embedding Disorder.

Self-Embedding is different than Cutting and other Self-Injurious behaviors in that patients identified with Self-Embedding Disorder often have suicidal ideation (Most who cut are usually non-suicidal. With cutting, the goal is to inflict physical harm on one's body to relieve emotional distress. Not end life).

Individuals who Self-Embed take the behavior of cutting a step further by introducing an object or objects inside the wound or into deeper soft tissue. Only when the pain becomes excruciating, do such patients find their way to hospital settings or doctor offices. In the reported cases from the RSNA study, 90% of the patients they saw with such injuries were adolescent girls. The photo above, from the RSNA conference, shows three staples in the lower part of the hand of a teenage girl.

If you are self-harming or know someone who is, please consider seeking professional medical and psychological help to aid you in understanding this behavioral disorder. Often, self-harm is a way to express what feels unbearable. Or is unspeakable. A mental health specialist will help you learn ways to find the words, ease the pain and find a sense of well being.

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Christian Depression Testimony

This is my testimony (in a nutshell) in dealing with and eventually overcoming severe depression.

For me, 1989 had been a productive and hope filled year. After graduating from Bible College in 1988, I had joined a church planting team as the assistant pastor. I expected 1990 to be one of best years of my life as I planned to further my theological training and join another church planting venture in pursuit of my goal of becoming a missionary in Thailand.

Probably the primary factor in causing my depression was genetic inheritance, both of my parents had suffered from it. However, there were many other factors that contributed to its severity and duration. Throughout that year a number of factors combined to cause the gradual decline of my mental and physical health. I had neglected physical exercise, eaten poorly and devoted little time to rest and recreation. I worked full time as well as serving part time in the church. The sleeplessness which had troubled me in recent years had developed into chronic insomnia. As I became ever more fatigued, panic attacks and obsessive fearful thoughts afflicted me in increasing frequency and severity, even though I had no idea what they were at that time. Undiagnosed complex partial epilepsy could have been another factor.

On the other hand, throughout that year I remained positive and full of zeal for life, excitedly pursuing my goals.

In late November 1989 I went to Thailand for a hectic ten-day missionary orientation course, where I barely slept at all. When I returned to Melbourne, I fell apart emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Although 178cm tall, my weight had fallen to 55kg. The final straw came a few days later - I suffered a shock so powerful that for almost 24 hours I was unable to complete a single thought in my mind.

After eight nightmarish days that defied all reason, I suddenly bounced back to some semblance of normality. Unfortunately, I collapsed again two weeks later, where my mind unravelled to the extent that for the next several days, I did little else but lay on my bed, rocking from side to side as I tried in vain to pull myself out of terrifying panic attacks that would not cease.

This time, instead of bouncing back, I remained stuck in the hellish nightmare, which continued without respite into the New Year. I felt disturbed and ill at ease all day and could barely sleep at night. My mind became sluggish, stuck in a rut of thinking fearful, anxious thoughts all the time. Many physical complaints assailed me, missed, palpitating and racing heart beats, very painful aches in the shoulders and jaw, nausea and chest pains, difficulty breathing, and more. Emotional symptoms included anger, confusion, irritability, loss of interest in life, fear that I would never escape the nightmare, and I withdrew from almost all relationships. My spiritual life was equally a shambles, I struggled with anger and bitterness towards God, could no longer feel His presence, and felt guilty all of the time.

Although I continued to languish in this miry pit of bleak hopelessness for the next seven months, there were a number of things that slowly helped me cope with the ordeal.

When my mother, who had been away, returned to find me bedridden, she bundled me off that bed and kept me busy me with menial chores around the home. Although this required a massive effort on my part, I soon realised that the distraction provided by these activities slightly lessened the inner pain. When I had to return to work a few days later, although I was still a complete and utter mess, I found that being busy at work further dulled depression’s intensity.

Around that time a friend who had experienced depression, gave me a very helpful piece of advice. “Find anything that you enjoy and pursue it. Just try to have fun.” My unspoken response was, “How can I have fun when I am like this?” However, although very difficult to do, with Christ's help I was able to put his advice into practice. (‘I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.’ Philippians 4:13 KJV.) I bought a computer, played engrossing computer games, and over the next five years wrote three novels. These hobbies helped keep my mind productively occupied and were a significant factor in helping to break my mind’s habit of thinking fearful thoughts. I can remember one day when I was lying on my bed stuck in the grip of a savage panic attack, when I managed to fix my eyes upon Jesus, and He said, “Peter, you don't need to do this. Come with Me - I have lots of constructive things for us to do together.” So I got off the bed, sat at my desk and lost myself in one of my hobbies, and started to feel better.

'Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,' Hebrews 12:2

In March 1990 I admitted I needed professional help, so I forced myself to see a trained counsellor. She counselled me once a month for several months, sympathising with what I was going through, giving practical advice, and through prayer, God’s Word, and her own experiences, helped me to face and deal with several deep emotional wounds and flawed thought processes. She also helped me to see the fearful thoughts that were terrorizing me from another perspective – the true Biblical perspective.

Following my counsellor’s advice, I went onto anti-depressants under my doctor’s supervision. Although the tablets did not heal the depression, within two weeks they had significantly dulled its effects. My diary entries began to contain a faint glimmer of hope. With the symptoms dulled, I found myself more able to concentrate on the task of recovery.

During those first eight months, I frequently blamed Jesus for allowing such a thing to afflict me. Why would not He heal me? I read the Bible constantly, spent hours in prayer, but these provided little relief. However, although I could no longer feel His presence, I knew Jesus held me in His hands. I continually reminded myself that He is Faithful and True, and kept reaching out to Him. It was in this time, when my feelings and emotions utterly betrayed me that I learnt to stand fast upon God’s Word and on promises such as: ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ Joshua 1:5 and “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20. This next verse was particularly comforting, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:27

In late July 1990, by a miracle of the Lord’s provision, I came across the book, ‘Self Help for Your Nerves’ by Dr Claire Weekes. My life changed when I read the comprehensive list of symptoms that can be caused by anxiety and depression and how they are caused. The bewilderment and confusion that had terrorised me for eight months were replaced by understanding, which brought a tangible sense of relief all in itself. ‘Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.’ Psalm 119:34

Hope also returned to my life when I put into practice the practical steps presented in the book. The most helpful technique was learning how to face, accept, and learn to live with the symptoms of depression rather than fighting, fleeing or fearing them - and then letting time pass. Putting these techniques into practice slowed down and eventually stopped the endless flow of negative adrenalin, reducing the severity and duration of depression’s symptoms, until they eventually faded away.

As I read ‘Self Help for Your Nerves,’ I realised that her techniques were practical applications of Bible verses that teach us how to cope with anxiety and troubling circumstances, such as these:

Acceptance:
'Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.' James 1:2-3

'Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.' 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Learning to Live with it
‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.’Philippians 4:12-13

Letting Time Pass
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1

'Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.' James 1:12

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear…Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:25,27

'Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.' Proverbs 3:5.

Three months after reading ‘Self Help for Your Nerves’ my counsellor said I no longer required counselling. Although I was still suffering from many of depression’s side effects, she said it was time to get back into things. Over the next six months, I joined a new church, became a musician in a home group, started teaching Sunday School, and engaged in normal social activities again.

It took about four more years to recover from depression, but I kept busy throughout that time, staying involved with the church, joining a gym, and pursuing engrossing hobbies. Some of depression’s symptoms took longer to fade away than others, especially the mental ones, but by changing the way I reacted to them robbed them of their power as I no longer feared them.

Today I can look back at that time and say that I have no regrets. It was during those years that I learned to rely completely and utterly upon Christ and His Word, rather than upon my feelings and circumstances. I can see how He brought good out of that trial, drawing me closer to Him and setting me free from lifelong anxieties. I also found myself better equipped to deal with future trials.

And now I share my story so that others may find comfort and encouragement, as I received from the Lord in my time of great distress. 'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.' 2 Corinthians 1:3-4



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(All verses from the NIV unless otherwise stated)

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Your Mind's Eye

Face Recognition is the ability for the mind and brain to recognize faces. Many scientists agree that this skill is present from birth on.

Our tendency to be hardwired to see faces can extend to finding faces in things as well. This is called Pareidolia. I've blogged about this before, so here I add more pictures to the list.

Can you see the faces?

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They Could Have Been the Worst Four Years of My Life

The years of 2003 to 2006 could have been the worst four years of my life. My health was literally disintegrating before my eyes.

Although I had been gradually going deaf since my late teens, in 2004, my thirty-eighth year, I lost all hearing in my left ear. This crippled me. I had to leave the church band, could not engage in social dialogue, stopped listening to music (one of my greatest pastimes), could not hear the television, and almost drove my family crazy asking them to constantly repeat themselves. Otosclerosis, an inherited disease that causes the calcification of the bones of the middle ear, was the cause of this ailment. Yet of equal concern to me was the accompanying tinnitus. Although both ears suffered from it, my deaf ear produced a cacophony of continuous, ‘deafening’ sounds, including roaring, thundering, grating, and an extremely deep humming that was extremely unsettling.

Not long before losing my hearing in one ear, I was diagnosed as suffering from complex partial epilepsy, confirmed by undergoing MRI and EEG scans. Prior to this, I had never heard of this condition, thinking the partial-seizures to be a symptom of depression. At this time I ceased taking anti-depressants and took anti-seizure medication, which had (and still has) quite horrid side effects. I lost interest in almost all of my hobbies, entered a continual state of exhaustion, and both short term and long term memory deteriorated significantly.

During these years a recurring injury received from my childhood worsened to the point that I was frequently afflicted by agonising, throbbing pain for ten hours a day, for up to three months at a time. (An operation in 2006 healed this injury.)

It was a Sunday morning in November 2004, when I had come down with the flu for the sixth time in a row, (which may have had something to do with burning the candle at both ends recently…) that I reached a crossroads. With the deafness, epilepsy, injury and apparent inability to return to any semblance of health, I felt the crushing weight of despair threatening to descend upon me. This was the last straw.

I had a choice. My life appeared to be in a state of utter disarray. I could succumb to despair and slip into the miry pit of depression, or I could turn to Jesus and rely upon His strength in my weakness, as He said to Paul in 2 Cor 12:9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I chose the second option. While I drove down Canterbury Road that November summer morning, I waited upon Jesus and recalled something I had heard in a sermon. My life was like riding in a bus, and the bus driver was Jesus. I was comforted by the fact that the bus driver always knew the destination and how to get there. This was my situation in a nutshell. Although my life appeared to be a complete mess and out of control, this was not the truth. The truth was that Jesus was in control of my life. I had nothing to fear. Jesus said in John 10:27-28, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”

So rather than let these burdensome troubles drive me to depression, I surrendered them to Jesus and placed my trust in Him. The pressures faded away and hope, joy, and peace prevailed.

May I ask you, the reader, a question here?

Considering the breadth of my troubles at this time, does it seem too easy?

I know the Bible says in James 1:2 to ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,’ but trust me, although I reach this place eventually, this is not my initial reaction to trials!

Perhaps you are wondering why it did not take me days, weeks or months to learn to cope with these trials. How could I, after going through so much, ‘seem’ to shrug off their debilitating affects and yet live a normal life?

The only reason these afflictions did not drag me headlong into depression’s merciless grip was because I had already been down that road, back in 1990. It began with an eight-month period of living hell which included an endless cycle of debilitating anxiety attacks, chronic insomnia, crippling feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, utter despair at what was happening to me, and much more. As the days turned to weeks and then to months, I was crippled by the fear that this ‘thing’ that had overcome me would never lessen or end.

Here is an extract from my diary dated February 20th, 1990. (At this time, I had no idea what was wrong with me.)

Oh Lord, when will this end?
Day after day, I remain trapped
In this endless personal hell of pain and confusion.
I want to get out of myself!
To be someone else, anyone but me.
The me I know is gone, yet somehow I am still me.
I must escape from myself, but
I'm trapped in a suffocatingly small, dark room.
I know there is sunlight outside.
I run, push, and strive to reach that light,
But the room comes with me--I cannot get out!
Why? Because I am the room.
Jesus, for what reason have you allowed this?
Where are you? How long will you remain silent?
They say that others who have been down this route
Have left signposts along the way
To help those like me find the way out.
But where are these signposts?

By His grace and provision, Jesus helped me overcome depression and live a normal life again. And in learning how to cope with depression, Jesus set me free so that I need never again succumb to its depths. Galatians 5:1 ‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.’ In conclusion, it was because of what I learnt during my trials of the early 1990s, that I was able to endure the trials of 2003 to 2006 and through Christ, overcome them.

The purpose of this blog is to encourage all (myself included!) undergoing trials and tribulations to establish Jesus Christ as the cornerstone, or foundation upon which to build our lives, and through His strength, endure and overcome those trials in order to live life to the full. John 10:10 Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

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(All verses from NIV)

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Grand Rounds: 5.9

Welcome to Grand Round 5.9 - a weekly rotation of blogposts in the medical and health fields. I am delighted to be your host again, and present to you the following for your listening pleasure.














"A Sudden Jolt of Sadness" by The Sterile Eye
"Annual ACAAI Meeting" by Allergy Notes
"Crestor and other CRP" by Covert Rationing
"Diagnostic Acumen" by In My Humble Opinion
"Doctors Empowering Parents" by Dr. Nancy Brown
"Flu Vaccine Recommendations for Children" by Dr. Paul Auerbach
"I Am Not Special" by Bongi
"Interview with Dr. David Newman" by Detroit Receiving
"It's Elementary" by The D-Log Cabin
"Medicine in Media" by Medical Pastiche
"My Favorite VBAC" by Rural Doctoring
"Ritual" by Dr. Bruce Campbell
"Sciatica and the Saline Story" by Back Pain Blog
"Selenium/Vitamin E Don't Prevent Prostate Cancer" by Laika
"Should Doctor Sex Scandals Be Made Public" by Canadian Medicine
"Sometimes Death is a Good Thing" by You Just Gotta Keep Livin'
"Teratoma: One Patient One Disease" by Dr. Am Ang Zhang
"Tips for New Medical Bloggers" by Clinical Cases & Images
"Which Stretch Stops Back Pain" by Dr. Jolie Bookspan

"1,000 Cranes" by Dethmama Chronicles
"Bariatric Surgery: Psychological Considerations" Suture for a Living
"Borderline Personality" by Clinically Clueless
"Can We Pick Your Brain" by Dr. Joshua Steinerman
"Freezing and Unfreezing" by In Sickness & In Health
"Kudos for the General" by Doc Gurley
"Marx" by CBTISH
"New DSM Diagnosis" by Tiny Shrink
"Obsession with Internal Medicine" by ACP Internist
"Resilience" by Health Psych
"Studing Sin" by Neuroanthropology
"The Future of the Aging Society" by Dr. Alvaro Fernandez
"Understanding Social Anxiety" by Psych Central
"Virtual Reality Therapy for PTSD" by Dr. Shock

"Gluten Free Eating" by A Chronic Dose
"Rules of Engagement" by Diabetes Mine
"The Diving Bell & The Butterfly" by How to Cope With Pain
"The Things I Carried" by Duncan Cross
"Understanding Stress" by Mother of Shrek
"Walking From The Heart" by Own Your Health
"What I've Learned from Being One Armed" by ChronicBabe
"When a Doctor is a Patient" by e-Patient Dave















"Coordination of Care Fractures Medical System" by Dare to Dream
"Dear President-Elect Obama" by Repairing the Healthcare System
"DNV David Harlow & Hospital Accreditation" by HealthBlawg
"Heart Failure Hospitalizations Rates Surge" by Dr. Mercola
"Live from the Operating Room" by Change:Healthcare
"One in Five Hospital Stays Involve Mental Illness" by MHA Society
"The Implications for Live Tweeting Surgery" by Healthcare Law Blog
"Was It a Very Good Year" by InsureBlog
"World Diabetes Day" by International Diabetes Foundation

Many thanks to "Executive Producers" Colin Son and Dr. Val Jones, as well as "Grandmaster" Dr. Nick Genes. For without them, none of this would be possible. Grand Rounds drops again at Canadian Medicine on Tuesday, November 25th. But before you go, check out my playlist of music inspired by your Grand Round submissions.

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Just Do It

Talking while doing something non-verbal can throw you off. In fact, many athletes believe that being in their head too much can disrupt performance - so they focus on the action of the moment.

Researchers from the University of Michigan Psychology Department and the University of St. Andrews in Scotland agree. They found that, for some, trying to verbalize a performance distracted the brain by putting the focus on language. This is called verbal overshadowing and has been shown to interfere with the non-verbal aspects of a memory, resulting in a decreased performance on tasks. For more, read here

I can relate to this phenomenon. I can cook a great meal, sink a golf putt or drive the quickest way to a destination, but ask me to explain what I'm doing as I'm doing it and my performance will suffer. So, verbal overshadowing when performing can be a good thing or it can throw a monkey wrench into your world. See how this works for you and adjust accordingly.

Me? I'll be the quiet one on the Just-Do-It bench.

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Genetic Indicators for Gender Identity

From an early age, we develop an inner sense of being a boy or a girl - male or female. This is called gender identity.

Individuals who have a gender disorder identify with the sex opposite of their assigned biological sex. They feel as if they are not in the right body, and yearn to be someone other than who they are.

These feelings begin in early childhood and have been considered "disordered" thinking in the past. A psychological problem, like homosexuality was perceived years ago. Not too long ago, such gender issues were seen as "choices", not biologically bound within one's DNA. And as a result, many children, teens and adults would hide in shame. Some even choosing suicide.

More research, like this recent one from Australia, show that there is a genetic link for gender identity. "There is a social stigma that transsexualism is simply a lifestyle choice, however our findings support a biological basis of how gender identity develops, " reports Dr. Vincent Harley, Head of Molecular Genetics at Prince Henry's Institute.

This research will be published in the January 2009 journal Biological Psychiatry and suggest that pathologizing "Gender Identity Disorder" will be a thing of the past.

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Inkblot Fun

There are many kinds of psychological tests that are used to understand the human psyche.

Some are very formal and standardized, while others are not.

Tests like the Rorschach Inkblot analyze perception and the inner life experience of a person. There are no wrong answers in these kinds of tests.

So, if you are so inclined, find out what you see in the inkblot above.

By the way, it is NOT an authentic Rorschach Inkblot, but rather a made up one. It's important to keep tests secure.

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Mental Health Coverage in US is Law!

It took a long time, well over a decade, but those of us who live in the US will now have mandatory mental health coverage.

The Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity & Addiction Equity Act of 2008, also known as Mental Health Parity, states that no insurance company can discriminate against mental health coverage or susbstance abuse treatment.

This means:

* No person can be "cut off" from mental health care with an arbitrary number of visits.

* No person can be forced to pay out-of-pocket for mental health care.

* Any person who has been "locked out" from mental health insurance will now have the opportunity to access such care.

The Mental Health Parity Act will be in full effect by January 1, 2010, but many states are already rolling this law into their books. So, as the new year approaches, find out if you live in a state that has its parity laws up and operating.

Now all we need is universal care for every person. No one should be without medical or mental healthcare.

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Parental Alienation Syndrome

Actor Alec Baldwin has written an interesting book on a controversial subject called Parental Alienation Syndrome. I thought it was a very balanced take on what can happen when issues of child custody go very wrong.

The reason PAS is so controversial stems from the fact that it is recognized in our legal system as a form of child abuse, but not, as yet, listed as a formal diagnosis in the clinical world. PAS is a psychological dynamic brought about by one parent in a divorced family whose aim is to alienate the other parent from his or her child.

I have seen Parental Alienation Syndrome in my work. Sometimes the alienation is not an intentional set of behaviors. While other times, it is conscious and intentional. And, don't get me wrong, there are many divorced families where this alienation does not come into play at all!

The most important thing with PAS is to help everyone see that divorce of a marriage does not mean that the child must divorce one's parents. Psychotherapy with a specialist can help the parent who is unconsciously or consciously alienating. Divorce is hard on everyone, especially children. Trying to help your child have a healthy connection with his or her "other" parent can be a lifelong gift.

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Writing Backward or Upside Down: It Doesn't Really Matter To Your Mind

Can you read the phrase above?

It is presented backwards as well as upside down.

A few years back there was a meme about an university research study showing how misspelled words and scrambled word order don't impinge reading comprehension. Well, the example above falls along those lines. Sadly, the research regarding the university study seems to be an urban myth .

BUT the mind DOES have a fantastic way of taking indistinct stimuli and morphing them into something that makes sense to us. Whatever the reason this word-order-thingy occurs, research based or not, it's totally cool.

Here's an upside down/backward writing generator for you to enjoy.

¡unɟ ǝɯos ǝʌɐɥ oƃ puɐ ǝɹǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo uo pɐǝɥ ʍou

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Aromatic Therapy Bear

I found this Therapy Bear and thought it was a wonderful item. It can be heated in the microwave to activate the healing aromatherapy ingredients within: Lavender, Thyme, Peppermint, Rose Bud, Hyssop, Eucalyptus, Lemon Balm, Rosemary and Flaxseed.

This could be helpful for anyone, any age, who's in need of some TLC, who's lost a loved one or may be ill. The relaxing warmth lasts for up to four hours, by the way.

Now that's one awesome teddy bear.

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Are You A Happy Face or Angry Face Car Buyer?

Over at Livescience is an article about a small study that was done to see what kind of cars people favorite. Seems that those who took part preferred cars that appeared dominant and angry as opposed to happy and friendly.

I don't really care what four-wheeled-vehicle gets me around as long as it's in good working condition. Maybe that's because my first car was an AMC orange Hornet. It looked just like this one. I thought it was great because I never had trouble finding it in a parking lot!

What about you?

Do you find this marketing trend has a psychological pull on your buying styles?

Are you more likely to fancy the silver BMW on the right or the silver Prius of the left?

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Helping Your Moods With Color Therapy

I'm a big fan of color. Bathing yourself in colors can offer many healing effects . In fact, Color Therapy has been an alternative approach to helping with physical and emotional issues for centuries.

The above picture is a mood light created by UK Industrial Artist Shiu Yuk Yuen . It is a soft cube that allows you to create a colorful atmosphere by your own choice - or by letting the cube move through the full spectrum of colors on its own.

I totally want one, but it seems that my exhaustive search has led only to the artist's email. Maybe I will get a response to find out where, when, and of course, what price this will cost.

Do you use colors in your life?


Update: 10/6/2008: Artist Shiu Yuk Yen answered my email and said that production and marketing of Mood Lights are ongoing - and will let us know when they are available. Hooray!

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Oh You Bring

This is one of the songs I have learned to play on the piano this year, and the words have really ministered to me, how the Lord gives hope the hopeless, light to those in darkness, how He finds us in our weakness and brings healing to our wounded hearts.



Oh You Bring

Oh you bring hope to the hopeless
And light to those in the darkness
And death to life
Now I’m alive

Oh You gives peace to the restless
And joy to homes that are broken
I see You now
In You I’m found

And You opened the door for me
And you laid down
Your life to set me free
All that I am will serve You Lord

And You opened my eyes to see
All the wonder and awe of Christ in me
Jesus You’re everything I need

Oh you fill those who are empty
And rescue those in the valley
And through it all You calm my soul

Oh you find me in my weakness
And heal the wounds of my heartache
I worship You in spirit and truth

All honour
All glory
All praise to You

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Getting The Cold Shoulder

Ever feel a chill when someone rebuffs you?

Well, psychologists Dr. Chen-Bo Zhong and Dr. Geoffrey Leonardelli - from the University of Toronto - tested the idea if social isolation really generates feelings of coldness.

They designed a study where volunteers had to estimate the temperature of a room on the pretense that the building's maintenance staff wanted that information.

Those who were told to think about a socially isolating experience when entering the room gave colder temperature estimates. In other words, recalled memories of being ostracized actually made people experience the temperature as colder than those who were not instructed to imagine such experiences. "We found that the experience of social exclusion literally feels cold," Zhong said.

Check out more about this interesting study in the journal of Psychological Science

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Laughter is Good Medicine: Lego Miniatures

Many things make me laugh. Clever wit. Silly things. Stupid Humor. Even really bad puns.

I'm a good audience.

File these new pop culture Legos (Madonna, Amy Winehouse, Victoria and David Beckham, and Angelina, Brad and Kids) under "silly things". I really got a good chuckle as I checked them out.

Hope you do too.

Laughter is very good medicine for your body, mind and soul.

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"Doll Face" by Andrew Huang

This is a haunting and visually stunning work of art, showing how beauty is merely a facade. How media and its messages create a subjective world, where unattainable goals often lead us to disaster.

This award winning short catapulted the college artist, Andrew Huang, into a Hollywood career. Something tells me we will be seeing more of his work in years to come.

Love yourself.
And your own special uniqueness.

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9/11: Seven Years

Where were you on 9/11?

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World Suicide Awareness Day is September 10th

Suicide is responsible for almost one million deaths every year.

Another way to look at this is how Dr. Catherine Le Galès-Camus, from the World Health Organization , describes the rate of suicide each year: "Worldwide, more people die from suicide than from all homicides and wars combined."

Those statistics always astonish me. Maybe because many who commit suicide let us know in ways, subtle and overt, of their intentions. Click here for warning signs you can learn about. Then there are others like 9/11 Survivor Kenny Johannemann - who spiral into the depths of depression, and just leave this world without giving anyone notice. (Trigger alert for the linked story)

It will be 25 years since my dear friend killed herself, and it still continues to linger in my life in a haunting way. If you know someone who is feeling hopeless and in utter despair, or if you, yourself, are battling urges to end your life, please talk to someone. Psych Central offers a great list of suicide resources as does the International Association for Suicide Prevention

The legacy of suicide touches many and it never fades with time.

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Monogamy & Your Genes

Proceedings of the National Association of Science has reported that genetics may contribute to man's ability to be monogamous.

Men who possessed a gene variant in AVPR1A, which regulates the hormone Vasopressin, experienced less bonding and more discord in long-term relationships. Incidentally, this is the the first time that science has shown a direct link between a man's genes and monogamy. For more on this interesting research, read here

Understanding neurobiological tendencies can help us make sense of things in our life. But don't forget to include your unique personal history when looking at behavior. So much contributes to our psychological makeup!

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Nipping Nosy Nelly

Saw a great article in USA Today Magazine about how to manage nosy people and their boundary crossing questions. People who gossip or need to know your business are often driven by psychological needs.

Author Peggy Post says that if you are caught off guard, try not to fall into the trap of responding in shock with the truth. That's what a nosy person is hoping you'll do. Instead, try one of these proven strategies:

Use humor. Make a joke out of the question. If asked, "Did you lose a bundle when you sold your house?" Respond with, "Why, are you offering to make up the difference?" If asked, "Are your daughter's children adopted?" Respond with, "They do have their own distinct personalities, don't they?"

Be honest. "How much financial aid is your son getting for college?" Respond with, "I'm not comfortable discussing this." Or you can just say, "My mother always told me never to talk about money."

Give it right back. Turn the tables with this one-size-fits-all response to a nosy question: "Why do you ask?" This works with everything from "Why are you going to the doctor?" to "Do you color your hair?"

Establish conversational boundaries. Use body language to say "Don't go there." Cross your arms. Look 'em in the eye. Say, "Oh, I don't think that's something I'm going to discuss."

Change the subject. This is a more passive approach that can be effective for questions such as "How much did you pay for that?" Respond with, "I bought it at Macy's, and they were having and they were having a great sale. Can you believe all that new construction at the mall?"

Good suggestions, don't you think?

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Hope Therapy and Resistance

Over at one of my favorite blogs, PsychCentral, is a fascinating post about the growing trend of Hope Therapy

Dr. Jennifer Cheavens tells us that “Hope therapy seeks to build on strengths people have, or teach them how to develop those strengths. We focus not on what is wrong, but on ways to help people live up to their potential.”

Cheavens said hope differs from optimism and can be taught. "If you feel you know how to get what you want out of life, and you have that desire to make that happen, then you have hope."

I'd just like to add something. And I think it is an important footnote. Should you find yourself aware of what you need to do, have the skills to do it and still cannot make changes, you need to look at Resistance .

Resistance is a fascinating psychoanalytic phenomenon. It should not be viewed as negative or undermining, but rather as road block. Analyzing the reasons for resistance can illuminate, educate and inform. And answers are good things.

So if you find yourself stuck, ambivalent or unable to change, don't think that you don't have hope. Don't think that you don't have the skills to get you where you want to go. Think resistance - and dive on in and look at the reasons.

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The Art of Listening

You Are a Great Listener

You are the perfect person to talk to. You are patient, empathetic, and encouraging. You provide subtle, but important, feedback. You let people say everything that needs to be said before you weigh in.

Are You a Good Listener?

Listening is an important and meaningful experience. It's not just about hearing what a person says. It's so much more.

I listen for a living - schooled for many years in the art and practice of it. But you don't need a lot of training to become a good listener. Here's some tips for learning how to be a good listener.

I am so gonna forward this blogpost to my husband ;)

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Addiction and Your Genes

I remember trying my first (and only) cigarette when I was twelve years old.

I lit it up, took a puff and decided that it was truly a hideous thing.

I hated it. The taste. The smell. Nothing about the experience made me feel good. In fact, I felt nauseous. But there are many people who get a "high" right from cigarette one. And it becomes an addiction thereon in.

Research over the last few years has shown us how addiction has a great deal to do with genetic makeup. Read more about how a nicotine receptor gene makes it harder for individuals to kick the smoking habit. This explains why some take to smoking right away, and why others, like me, don't go past the puff of one.

Now, there must be a chocolate receptor gene that I have, but that is for another post, another day.

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