Nipping Nosy Nelly

Saw a great article in USA Today Magazine about how to manage nosy people and their boundary crossing questions. People who gossip or need to know your business are often driven by psychological needs.

Author Peggy Post says that if you are caught off guard, try not to fall into the trap of responding in shock with the truth. That's what a nosy person is hoping you'll do. Instead, try one of these proven strategies:

Use humor. Make a joke out of the question. If asked, "Did you lose a bundle when you sold your house?" Respond with, "Why, are you offering to make up the difference?" If asked, "Are your daughter's children adopted?" Respond with, "They do have their own distinct personalities, don't they?"

Be honest. "How much financial aid is your son getting for college?" Respond with, "I'm not comfortable discussing this." Or you can just say, "My mother always told me never to talk about money."

Give it right back. Turn the tables with this one-size-fits-all response to a nosy question: "Why do you ask?" This works with everything from "Why are you going to the doctor?" to "Do you color your hair?"

Establish conversational boundaries. Use body language to say "Don't go there." Cross your arms. Look 'em in the eye. Say, "Oh, I don't think that's something I'm going to discuss."

Change the subject. This is a more passive approach that can be effective for questions such as "How much did you pay for that?" Respond with, "I bought it at Macy's, and they were having and they were having a great sale. Can you believe all that new construction at the mall?"

Good suggestions, don't you think?

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Hope Therapy and Resistance

Over at one of my favorite blogs, PsychCentral, is a fascinating post about the growing trend of Hope Therapy

Dr. Jennifer Cheavens tells us that “Hope therapy seeks to build on strengths people have, or teach them how to develop those strengths. We focus not on what is wrong, but on ways to help people live up to their potential.”

Cheavens said hope differs from optimism and can be taught. "If you feel you know how to get what you want out of life, and you have that desire to make that happen, then you have hope."

I'd just like to add something. And I think it is an important footnote. Should you find yourself aware of what you need to do, have the skills to do it and still cannot make changes, you need to look at Resistance .

Resistance is a fascinating psychoanalytic phenomenon. It should not be viewed as negative or undermining, but rather as road block. Analyzing the reasons for resistance can illuminate, educate and inform. And answers are good things.

So if you find yourself stuck, ambivalent or unable to change, don't think that you don't have hope. Don't think that you don't have the skills to get you where you want to go. Think resistance - and dive on in and look at the reasons.

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The Art of Listening

You Are a Great Listener

You are the perfect person to talk to. You are patient, empathetic, and encouraging. You provide subtle, but important, feedback. You let people say everything that needs to be said before you weigh in.

Are You a Good Listener?

Listening is an important and meaningful experience. It's not just about hearing what a person says. It's so much more.

I listen for a living - schooled for many years in the art and practice of it. But you don't need a lot of training to become a good listener. Here's some tips for learning how to be a good listener.

I am so gonna forward this blogpost to my husband ;)

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Addiction and Your Genes

I remember trying my first (and only) cigarette when I was twelve years old.

I lit it up, took a puff and decided that it was truly a hideous thing.

I hated it. The taste. The smell. Nothing about the experience made me feel good. In fact, I felt nauseous. But there are many people who get a "high" right from cigarette one. And it becomes an addiction thereon in.

Research over the last few years has shown us how addiction has a great deal to do with genetic makeup. Read more about how a nicotine receptor gene makes it harder for individuals to kick the smoking habit. This explains why some take to smoking right away, and why others, like me, don't go past the puff of one.

Now, there must be a chocolate receptor gene that I have, but that is for another post, another day.

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Perception of Faces: Pareidolia

I love posting about the phenomenon by which the brain interprets indistinct images as specific ones. It's called Pareidolia and here are some new images. Can you see faces here?








Definitely a face here, don'tcha think?











Another face. Kinda monkey-like.















What a happy metal face.








This baby toy is totally smiling.

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Flushing Out The Liar

How can we tell who’s lying and who’s not?

Fidgety hands?

Stuttering speech?

Pants on fire?

Actually, it seems that the face will betray true emotion if we look for it. So, it isn't in the sweaty brow, the hesitant words or the shifty eyes. Instead, it's the liar's facial muscles that "crack” or "leak" through, displaying the real emotion. For more read here

Another technique to test for truthfulness is to ask a person to recall his or her story backwards - From end to beginning in sequential stages. Reverse order is harder to create than building a lie from the start. Telling the story from its end to its beginning will be easy for the truth teller.

Interesting stuff . . .and I ain't lying.

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How To Ask For Help

I did an interview with writer Janene Mascerella for The Tyra Banks Show on How To Ask For Help.

Some of us find it easy to ask for help from others. But for many, asking for help is NOT an easy thing to do.

Do these myths keep you stuck?

Myth: It makes us look vulnerable.

Truth: Asking for help creates an atmosphere of empowerment. It communicates to others that, while you may not have the answers, you are willing to find them and make things better.

Myth: Holding things in and keeping personal issues under wraps keeps us secure.

Truth: In reality, not allowing yourself to be "known" keeps you socially isolated, and therefore, insecure. When you seek the counsel of others, you'll not only connect with them, but you'll also realize that you're not alone in your struggle.

Myth: It bother others. Truth: Doing it all can do you in. Being too self-sufficient can create stress levels that tip your physical, emotional and spiritual scales. Myth: Highly successful people never ask for help.

Truth: Actually, successful individuals will tell you that the key to success is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Learning how to delegate, asking for help and letting others show you the way are part of the plan. Successful people are driven and motivated -- and when the going gets tough, the tough ask for help!

Myth: I am a giver. I don't like when others help me.

Truth: Get over it. With practice, you'll learn to be comfortable when others help you. And before long, you'll come to realize that you deserve a helping hand every now and then.

Remember:

Have realistic expectations for the kind of help you are seeking

Express your needs simply and clearly

Let others know you are there to help them as well

Praise your pals for their assistance and pat yourself for asking for help




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