Depression and Night Terrors

I had my first night terror not long after the onset of severe depression. It was a horrific experience that reminded me of when I had been delirious as a child while running a very high fever. The difference here was that it occured as I was falling asleep, and I was not sick.

A night terror is an extremely unpleasant form of nightmare, differing greatly in intensity. Night terrors either develop from a nightmare during deep sleep, or trigger while falling asleep.

From my experiences, night terrors differ from nightmares in two areas. Firstly, a night terror would continue even after I woke up. Somehow, although I was completely conscious and able to talk, my subconscious mind continued dreaming, overlaying the horror of the dream upon consciousness, like two overhead transparencies, one laid upon the other, distorting both.

But the worst aspect of night terrors was the terror aspect itself. The night terror would establish a set of rational, logical rules, and would then break them completely, so that would could not be, was; so that what could not happen, happened. And the rational, logical part of my mind completely rebelled in horror as the rational and logical rules of the dream world were warped and twisted into something impossible, inconceivable - that defied all reason.

I suffered a few night terrors during depression, never knowing what they were. As I slowly recovered from depression, their frequency reduced until they ceased almost altogether. I did notice that times of extreme stress were a common trigger.

Here is an example of a night terror. While still recovering from depression, I had to go to the USA by myself to attend a trade fair. I arrived at the hotel late at night, only to find that my friend who was supposed to meet me was not there, and had left no message. Going to the arranged hotel room, I found that all of my friend's co-workers were asleep. There was a makeshift bed was in the middle of the room, so I got in and went to sleep.

Due to that stressful environment, a night terror hit me that night. I dreamed that upon checking out of the hotel, I had to pay $10,000 instead of $300. My mind completely rebelled at this impossible scenario, and though I tore myself awake, the night terror simply kept on going...

After I got married, my wife witnessed me having a night terror in the middle of the night, and seeing the dream continue after I woke up, she wondered if it was related to my complex partial epilepsy. So the next time I saw my neurologist, I told him about them, fearing I was having seizures again, although on medication. But the neurologist just laughed, and said, 'Oh, you were having a night terror.' And he proceeded to explain that they were just really bad nightmares, and nothing to worry about at all.

That knowledge brought relief, and the truth that they were nothing to fear set me free from worrying about them. I also found some techniques to deal with them. As they often trigger while drifting off to sleep, I learned how to recognise when one was developing, and how to immediately force my dream into an entirely different direction, stopping it becoming a night terror. Waking myself at that stage was another way of stopping them developing.

If a night terror triggered during deep sleep, I would wake myself up, and although the night terror continued while I was conscious, I would turn on my bedlamp, stare at it, sit up for a while, and then I would turn the light off and lay back down to sleep. Even though the night terror was still going, I would press into the Lord and take refuge in Him, and reassure myself that it was nothing to fear and would stop soon. Before long, it would stop and I would fall back asleep.

Psalm 91:1-6 (NIV)
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

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Tips for Dealing With Ghost Networks

If you live in the United States, has this ever happened to you?

You call a psychologist, social worker of psychiatrist who is on your plan only to find out that they are not on your plan?

Have you found yourself feeling disgusted from this experience?


Have you thrown the towel in, forgoing the therapy route?


If so, you need to consider that you are being haunted...by a Ghost Network.

A Ghost Network, also called a Phantom Network, is a collective list of doctors and specialists that your insurer insists are contracted providers for your medical or mental health needs. However, many of these identified individuals are not members of the network.

I have been part of a Ghost Network, haunting the managed care company of Group Health Insurance, for over a decade. I do not participate with them, haven't signed a contract - yet, year after year, they have my name in their panel of specialists. Many potential patients call my office thinking that I am in their plan, only to learn the ghostly, uh, I mean ghastly truth, that I am not.

If you find yourself bedeviled by a Ghost Network, try these tips:


1) Tell your employer and colleagues about the situation so that the next time a choice for a different insurance coverage comes up, a change can occur.


2) Managed Care companies and Health Insurance Carriers sell their services by "showing off" the list of specialists they have in their network. Ask your employer or Human Resources Department to cold-call doctors to see if their provider list is accurate.


3) The Managed Care organizations that use Ghost Networks are engaging in fraudulent behavior and bad faith, making promises they cannot deliver. Call your state Attorney General and Insurance Department and lodge a complaint. Never underestimate the power of your voice.


4) The legal issue here is that you are entitled to a specialist for your medical needs. If there are no specialists because of the Ghost Network practice, your are entitled to have one at no additional cost to you. Many people don't know this!


Resources:


McCain-Edwards-Kennedy Patient Bill of Rights


13 Things Your Health Insurer Doesn't Want You To Know

This is New York State's Managed Care Complaint Website For your own state, do an online search.

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Learning to Live with a Disability

Learning to live with the unexpected onset of a disability or chronic illness is a challenge.

I lost all hearing in my left ear at the beginning of 2005. Combined with the thunderously loud tinnitus, I felt as though my head was submerged in deep water. I was forced to rely upon my right ear, my ‘bad ear.’

My left ear felt like a lump of dead flesh on the side of my head, a sensation exaggerated by the fact that I could no longer hear any sound when I rubbed my hand against the ear. One of the worst aspects of the disability was that I became extremely self conscious, always aware that something was out of kilter. I was disturbed by the fact that so many of my thoughts gravitated around me and my situation, instead of upon Jesus and those around me.

Being the master procrastinator that I am, I delayed making another appointment with the ear specialist and spent the new few months learning how to live with the disability.

Social gatherings became almost impossible, but my church friends made special allowances for me. I remember going to a home group meeting, and as the church was a Japanese language Christian church, the minister was speaking in Japanese. One of the other Australian guys, who spoke Japanese, came over to translate what the minister was saying for me. “Which is your good ear?” he asked kindly, and then stood at my right side.

Being unable to function as part of a team, I resigned as the church pianist, a step I had been loath to take as I been a church pianist for almost twenty years. I also stopped listening to music, since hearing music in one ear instead of in stereo was unbearable. I think this was one of the hardest things to get used to, as music has always been one of my greatest passions.

I kept trying to talk to people at church, but felt like a freak because I had to turn my head sideways so my right ear could hear them. Who wants to talk to someone’s ear?

There was one funny thing, though. One of my friends in the church was deaf in her right ear. Sometimes we would stand side by side and attempt to converse with the other, yet not be aware of it at first. We had a good laugh and swapped sides so that I stood with my right side towards her left.

One thing that helped me greatly was something I had learned while recovering from depression back in the early ‘90s. My counselor had taught me that to be in deep surrender to God really meant to never look back with regret upon the past, nor forward to any wish in the future - comparing ourselves to what we used to be, or what we wanted to be, was a hindrance for resting in God's will. Each day I was to pray: “I'm content to be who You made me to be, today. I'm content to be where You put me today, and I'm content to be how You made me to be today.”

These past few weeks I have been reading ‘One Liter of Tears, A Young Girl’s Fight for Life,’ the diary of Aya Kito, published by IBC, 2007/2005. From the age of fourteen years, Aya began exhibiting the symptoms of incurable degenerative disease, spinocerebellar degeneration. The disease acts as a prison, as the person retains full mental capacity although they progressively lose all physical control.

I was moved to see Aya’s mother give that same advice to her.

My mom and I talked about my future. According to my mom, "Unlike people who cannot see or are handicapped, the things you were able to do before never leaves your mind. You think hard about why you can't do it anymore, and you become emotional. So it always starts with the struggle in your mind. Even if others may view it merely as a machine-like radio exercise, it is actually a struggle in your mind, it’s training. Aya, I think that as long as you live every day to its fullest, you'll have a future. Aya, you cry alot, and when I see you cry, I feel so sorry. But looking at reality, you have to understand where you are right now and make your life full, or else you'll never live with your feet on the ground.”

And it is the same advice that Paul gave us, one of the theme verses of my life:

‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’ Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)

p.s. - An operation in Sept 2005 restored about 70% mid-range hearing to my left ear, and reduced the tinnitus. At the moment, I can just get by, though I really need to get myself some hearing aids (long story...). My right ear, however, is slowly getting worse. Will it last until my sixties, or suddenly go deaf like my left did? I do not know, but I will not spend today worrying about what might or might not happen tomorrow. And should trouble strike in the future, Jesus will be there, reading and able to help me cope with it at that time.

p.p.s. - I believe that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever, and that His healing power is still available today. And although I will never cease asking to be healed of my infirmities, I take care to ensure that my faith and hope is placed in Christ, and not in the possibility of being healed. For His grace is sufficient for me.

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Ten Tips to Keep "You" in Yuletide Cheer

The holiday season can be a time of great joy, connection and celebration. And if you find yourself feeling the warmth of the season, you are lucky.

Many, though, do not find the holidays a time for celebration. Family strife, financial woes, traumatic memories and even loneliness can make the season dark, not bright.

If you are having a rough time as the holidays approach, here are some tips to keep YOU in this Yuletide Season.

1. Put yourself first.

2. Don't over-schedule your time.

3. Keep a limit on spending.

4. Avoid triggers that set old traumas into motion.

5. Focus on what you can control.

6. Choose to do things you want to do, not have to do.

7. Keep expectations realistic.

8. Don't be afraid to delegate or ask for what you need.

9. Stay in the present and look toward the future.

10. Use your senses to find beauty and peace in small moments around you.

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Freedom for the Captives

It was evening, midway through 1989, and the view outside my friend’s lounge room window was of a sky darkened by foreboding rain clouds. I remember sharing my deepest fear with a group of Bible college colleagues. “I suffered a burnout back in ’86 – it was absolutely dreadful. I’m terrified of that happening to me again one day.”

I know now that it was not a ‘burnout’, but a mild episode of depression. 1986 was the final year of my diploma of primary education, yet rather than concentrate on finishing the course, I unwisely began a Bible college correspondence course, became too heavily involved in my local church, and started fasting most lunchtimes. To cap this off, chronic insomnia began afflicting me.

I became so run down that ten weeks of constant illness forced me to pull out of teacher’s college. Sharing this with a pastor at my church, he accused me of doing this on purpose, and then removed me from my position of co-leading an important church ministry. I could not blame him for that since I had neglected my responsibilities since becoming ill. However, accusing me of doing this on purpose was quite a shock. Later, when another pastor heard of this, he supported me and encouraged me to rest and recover.

The next few months were very dark. Not only was I emotionally down, but I felt guilty all the time, always feeling as though I should be doing more than I was. I began wondering if it would ever end.

I slowly pulled out of that dark phase at the beginning of 1987. Upon the return of my zeal for life, I resigned from my job and attended a brick-and-mortar Bible college from the middle of that year.

It seemed as though my life was back on track. Unfortunately, in many people, depression tends to be cyclic, and unless we learn how to deal with it, we run of the risk of succumbing to it again, and again. Unaware that I had suffered a mild bout of depression, and in fact, ignorant of depression’s nature, I forged ahead with my goal to be a pastor and a missionary. However, at the back of my mind was this unsettling fear that I may one day end up back in that dark place.

Psalm 116:3
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

During 1989, a combination of factors triggered the return of depression, except in this occasion I became so severely depressed that my previous depressive episode seemed like a walk in the park.

Psalm 116:4
Then I called on the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, save me!"

I could have spent the rest of my life stuck in cycles of depression. And considering what lay in my future, it was virtually guaranteed. Complex partial epilepsy emerged in 1996, and from 2003 my hearing began to deteriorate rapidly, thanks to otosclerosis. However, that is not how my future turned out. For throughout those dark, desperate months of severe depression, I called and called upon the Lord to save me.

Psalm 116:5-6
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

Jesus, full of compassion and grace, heard my prayers to save me from that dark cycle. With gentleness He helped me to face my fears, to deal with deep wounds from my childhood, and to receive Biblical counselling for the faulty thought processes and theology that kept tripping me up.

Psalm 116:7
The LORD protects the simple hearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

Although dealing with these issues was very painful, through His word, counselling, and the book “Self Help for Your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weekes, the Lord taught me how to break depression’s fear-fight-flight cycle.

Psalm 116:7
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

After eight months of anguish and despair, followed by four years of hope-filled recovery where I lived an almost normal life, the Lord lead me to green pastures, to wholeness, to inner rest.

Psalm 116:8-9
For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

But the Lord did not stop there. By setting me free from the fears, faulty thought processes and theologies that had caused me to stumble so many times, by teaching me how depression works and how to overcome it, Jesus set me completely free and restored me to the land of the living.

Jesus said:
“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,”
Isaiah 61:1-3

I no longer fear depression - its cyclic hold on me has been broken. Although I have endured new trials, such as epilepsy and going deaf, I have not stumbled nor regressed back to depression. By his mercy the Lord set me free from captivity.

All verses from the NIV.

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Season of Cheer or Season of Fear?

"With the holidays season upon us, people everywhere are beginning to prepare for parties, get-togethers and gatherings with neighbors, families and friends.

Such occasions are generally festive, but for the millions of Americans who suffer from anxiety disorders, the "season of cheer" can be the "season of fear."

One form of anxiety is called social phobia, or social anxiety disorder. As with many psychological conditions, the diagnosis is made when feelings and symptoms that are normal in everyone become amplified to the extent that they affect one's daily life.

The condition commonly starts during the teen years and, for some, may persist for many years or even a lifetime. It can be a major source of stress. Although the cause is not completely understood, there seems to be both a genetic predisposition as well as an environmental component. Social phobia sometimes runs in families, but no one knows for certain why some people experience it and others don't.

Social anxiety disorder can be treated with counseling and/or medications. Some of the medicines that are used to treat problems such as depression also are helpful for social phobia, including antidepressants, anti-anxiety medicines and beta blockers. Your health professional can determine which course of action is best for you."

Source:
Mitchell, T. (2009, November 15). Do you have social phobia? USA Weekend Magazine Weekend Magazine

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Depression and Loss of Appetite

The anxiety that accompanies depression can be so over powering that we may lose our appetite. In Psalm 102 we can see that the Psalmist is so depressed by the terrible trial he is enduring, that he feels like withered grass, he forgets to eat, and is so given to lamenting that he has become little more than skin and bones.

Psalm 102:1-7
Hear my prayer, O LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
Because of my loud groaning
I am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.
I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.

The words the Psalmist shares here could have been lifted from my diary. During the blackest phase of depression, I too skipped meals and when I did eat, I ate poorly. Although I am 178cm tall, my weight plummeted to 50kg, ie, 8 stone.

I should have gone to see a doctor and a counsellor/professional therapist, and sought practical advice to help me through that phase, even if it included taking medication. Unfortunately, I did not do so and made the mistake of soldiering on.

Eating poorly did not cause my depression, but it certainly made it worse by further weakening my exhausted nervous system, mind and body.

Due to a number of factors, including support from my family, engaging in constructive activities such as going back to work, and exercise, I was able to move on from that phase. The next phase, which lasted several months, was still very difficult, and characterized by lack of hope, constant panic attacks, and dozens of other disturbing symptoms.

Eating during this phase was still difficult. I had little motivation to eat, food seemed almost tasteless, and I often retched while I ate. The anti-depressants I was taking also tended to give me a dry mouth, making it harder to swallow.

However, a few practical things helped me to eat.

I found sipping fluids such as water or soup while eating removed the dry-mouth problem, made it easier to swallow, and even reduced the retching.

I also found that if I distracted myself while I ate, I did not notice my lack of appetite. Things that proved effective in distracting me at mealtimes were eating with my family as opposed to eating alone, eating while watching TV or eating while reading a gripping novel. I have read that health food shops may even be able to recommend natural appetite stimulants.

An important part of recovering from depression is changing our mental attitude towards the illness. Instead of making excuses why not to eat, we need to remind ourselves that as our goal is to recover, a healthy, balanced nutritious diet is crucial. A healthy diet cannot cure depression, but it does play a part in helping our exhausted nervous system, mind and body to recover.

(All verses from the NIV.)

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What Kind of "Book" Are You?

You Are Mystery

You are a natural problem solver. You like figuring out the best way to do something. You are very intuitive. You are good at picking up on people's moods and predicting the future. You can't help but being a bit of a detective and a snoop. You always want to know what's going on. And while you may have the scoop on everyone you know, you're not a gossip. You're a pro at keeping secrets.

What Kind of Book Are You?

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Suicide Survivors Awareness Day

Every year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention sponsors National Survivors of Suicide Day - reaching out to thousands of people who have lost a loved one to suicide. This Saturday, November 21, 2009, is their 11th year of raising awareness and providing support.

Over 230 simultaneous conferences for survivors of suicide loss will take place throughout the U.S. and across the world. An amazing network of healing conferences is available for those who have survived the tragedy of suicide loss. Connecting on this day allows survivors to know that they are not alone in this experience. And perhaps more important than anything else, research has shown that survivors of suicide contribute significantly in better understanding suicide and its prevention. There is great power in the personal narrative.

To find a city worldwide where a conference is being held link here and here

Read more on suicide outreach and about the 10 common myths about suicide here


Andriessen, K. (2009). Can Postvention Be Prevention? Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 30 (1), 43-47 DOI: 10.1027/0227-5910.30.1.43

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Optimism and Your Heart

Two recent issues of the journal Circulation include studies showing that positive thinking and health are interconnected.

In this study over 90,000 American women were followed for eight years, tracking their levels of optimism and heart attack rate. The results showed that the least optimistic subjects had higher incidences of heart attacks. The other study evaluated optimism and Coronary Heart Disease in over 2,000 Canadian men and women - and found that positive thinking resulted in a lower risk for CHD.

Positive Psychology is the study of positive thinking, thriving and resiliency and focusing on strengths-based traits. Though many of us are genetically wired to see the glass half full, you can learn how to accentuate the positive.

I'm a half full person.

What are you?

Tindle, H., Chang, Y., Kuller, L., Manson, J., Robinson, J., Rosal, M., Siegle, G., & Matthews, K. (2009). Optimism, Cynical Hostility, and Incident Coronary Heart Disease and Mortality in the Women's Health Initiative Circulation, 120 (8), 656-662 DOI: 10.1161/CIRCULATIONAHA.108.827642

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Depression and Racing/Palpitating Heart

Depression causes many alarming symptoms. An oversensitive nervous system, flooded with negative adrenalin, can cause missed heart beats, palpitating or racing heart, even sharp chest pains. The first time we experience one of these symptoms can be a truly terrifying experience. We may fear we are having a heart attack. The symptoms are so disturbing that we live in fear of their return, and of course, they do return, and return more frequently the more we fear them.

A ‘missed heart beat’ is alarming. It feels as though your heart stops, followed a pregnant pause, then comes a thunderous thump when the next heart beat comes. Sharp chest pains can feel like a knife in the chest. Heart palpitations such as irregular, banging or accelerated heart beats may become our daily companion, while episodes of ‘racing heart’ where the pulse suddenly accelerates beyond the norm, often accompanied by an inability to breath, are frightening as well.

Because of these symptoms, many sufferers of depression live in terror that they are going to die from a heart attack.

It is crucial if suffering from depression to see a doctor. A doctor’s medical examination will be able to ascertain if there is indeed anything wrong with our heart, or, as is normally the case for someone suffering from depression, they will confirm that these symptoms are merely the result of anxiety/depression.

However, due to our heightened state of anxiety, our fears that we will have a heart attack may not abate.

When I read “Self Help for your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weekes, I was so surprised to see all of these symptoms listed, and encouraged by her assurances that these symptoms were nothing to fear once a doctor had confirmed I was physically healthy.

I put into practise her strategy of facing the symptoms, accepting them instead of fearing or fighting them, and I learning to live with them. Amazingly, after putting these techniques into practice, over time these symptoms faded in intensity and frequency, and eventually stopped.

I recall one particular incident when I was learning to live with these symptoms. (I was still recovering from depression.) My boss had arranged for the men of our company to play a game of paintball with the staff of another company. Note that paintball is not my idea of fun - being pelted by ‘supposedly’ soft plastic balls filled with paint is extremely painful and leaves rather nasty bruises.

Nevertheless, I went to play the game and I remember doing my ‘ninja-thing’ where I infiltrated the enemy lines and used stealth to hunt down the opposing players. I was walking through a rocky area overgrown with tall grass when an episode of racing heart afflicted me. My heart rate accelerated through the roof and I found myself unable to breath. Previously, these experiences had unsettled me greatly, but now that I understood that this was just a symptom of depression that would soon pass, I knelt down and waited patiently. Within moments my heart rate returned to normal and I was able to breathe again. I stood up and went back to hunting the opposing team as though nothing had happened.

These symptoms are typical of depression, trying to trick us into believing we are on the verge of dying, when it is merely an over sensitised nervous system causing these reactions.

Let us place our complete and utter trust in God, that He is in control of our lives and that there is no need for us to fear any of depression’s symptoms.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1 (NIV)

I would also like to announce that I have completely updated the pdf booklet of this blog’s articles, now re-organised into a more logical format. The file is about 1.1 meg in size. Permission is granted to print or photocopy this booklet for personal or non-commercial use. Feel free to give a copy to anyone who may benefit from it.

Just click here to download the pdf. Alternatively, you can also download the pdf by clicking on its image on the blog's right-hand side-bar.

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Seasonal Affective Disorder

Question: What is seasonal affective disorder?
Answer: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a pattern of significant depressive symptoms that occur and then disappear with the changing of the seasons. SAD has also been called "Winter Depression" or "Winter Blues". The reason for these names is that SAD occurs when days get shorter around November and lasting until Spring.

Question: What's the difference between seasonal affective disorder and other forms of depression?
Answer: SAD is similar to other major depressions in its severity and symptoms; however, it occurs seasonally usually starting in the fall and lasting until early spring. This disorder is cyclical. SAD patients also tend to sleep and eat more compared to patients with other types of clinical depression — usually, depression patients have insomnia and loss of appetite. For some individuals, seasonal changes cause a "Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder" where symptoms of mania, elevated mood, racing of thoughts and pressured speech can occur. In this case, Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder stems from Bipolar Disorder. SAD can also occur in summer months.

Question: How many people are affected by this disorder each year?
Answer: SAD affects millions of individuals worldwide. The illness is more common in higher latitudes, that is locations farther north or south of the equator, because the timeline of darkness is longer.

Question: What are the symptoms of SAD?
Answer: Symptoms include many of the same symptoms of depression: sadness, anxiety, lost interest in usual activities, withdrawal from social activities and an inability to concentrate. The difference though, is that these symptoms resolve each Spring and tend to occur again in late Fall.

Question: What is the cause of Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Answer: Melatonin, a sleep-related hormone secreted by the pineal gland in the brain, has been linked to SAD. This hormone, which may cause symptoms of depression, is produced at increased levels in the dark. Therefore, when the days are shorter and darker the production of this hormone increases. A dip in Serotonin has also been associated with SAD.

Question: What kind of treatments are available?
Answer: Phototherapy or bright light therapy has been shown to suppress the brain’s secretion of melatonin. Although, there have been no research findings to definitely link this therapy with an antidepressant effect, many people respond to this treatment. The device most often used today is a bank of white fluorescent lights on a metal reflector and shield with a plastic screen.

For mild symptoms, spending time outdoors during the day or arranging homes and workplaces to receive more sunlight may be helpful. One study found that an hour’s walk in winter sunlight was as effective as two and a half hours under bright artificial light.

If phototherapy doesn't work, an antidepressant drug may prove effective in reducing or eliminating SAD symptoms.

Daily exercise has been shown to be helpful, particularly when done outdoors. For those who tend to crave sweets during the winter, eating a balanced diet may help stave off SAD.

Question: How Do I Seek Treatment for SAD?
Answer: If you have noticed a pattern to your depressive symptoms, make an appointment with your physician and bring this to his or her attention. Medical tests and exams should be up to date to rule out any other reason for depressive symptoms. Thereafter, a consult with a psychologist, social worker, psychiatrist or psychopharmacologist so that together you can formulate a treatment plan with light therapy, medication, talk therapy or a combination of them.

Resources
Seasonal Affective Disorder Association: http://www.sada.org.uk/

Society for Light Treatment :www.websciences.org/sltbr

The Circadian Lighting Association: www.claorg.org

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The Thief comes only to Steal and Kill and Destroy

I took a day off work today so that I could take my family to Werribee open range Zoo today. My little son was especially excited to see all the animals.

For me, however, this was a trip I did not want to make. I find travelling through the city difficult at the best of times, as the city centre is a rabbit-warren like maze of freeways, tunnels and confusing off-ramps.

Yet the primary reason for my reservations for this trip was that the city is in the midst of carrying out extensive road works, and I heard a couple of months ago that they had closed the road I normally used to get through the city to reach the West Gate Bridge.

As this day approached, I found myself bombarded with fearful thoughts. Those insidious “what if” thoughts came in thick and fast. What if I couldn’t find the correct off-ramp? What if upon finding the correct off-ramp, I was in the wrong lane and couldn’t reach it in time? What if I ended up travelling down an unknown section of the freeway, not knowing how to get back to the West Gate Bridge?

So I woke this morning looking for any excuse not to go. Perhaps the threatened thunder storm was moving in? That would make the perfect excuse. But with sunshine streaming through my bedroom window, I knew that excuse would not wash.

Then I made a decision. I would face this fear. I would not let fear of what could go wrong immobilise me and ruin this family occasion.

I recalled what I had read in the Bible last night. In 1 Corinthians 15:10 Paul writes, “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.”

So it was God’s grace working through Paul that helped him to serve God, to live the life God gave him.

So I loaded my family into the car, faced my fears, and braved the changed traffic conditions, availing myself of the power of God’s unlimited grace.

And after all those fearful thoughts, after all those “what ifs” - do you know what went wrong? Absolutely nothing – I followed all the road signs and found the route to the bridge, and all the way to the zoo. (And if something had gone wrong, we would have found our way back to the correct route eventually.)

And we had a wonderful time. We watched an irresistibly cute family of meerkats frolicking in their habitat, we learned that zebras roll in rhino poo to smell like rhinos, so that the short sighted rhinos think the zebras are rhinos and leave them alone (ewww), we saw giraffes, hippos, even camels. And my kids had a ball, racing around the walkways and giggling their heads off.

On the way back from the zoo, I reflected on how Satan wants to rob us of the fullness of life that Jesus has given us. Satan will never hesitate to throw fears at us in an attempt to scare us into immobility, to stop us stepping forth in faith to receive the blessings that God is reaching out to give us.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

Satan wants to rob us of God’s blessings to make our hearts sick, but by trusting in God and stepping forward in faith, by availing ourselves of His grace, we stand ready to receive fulfilled heart’s desires, and life.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12.

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Have A Stigma Free Halloween

Halloween is one of the oldest recorded calendar events.

The tradition started over two thousand years ago with The Celts, who believed that the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred on October 31st. So, on that "Hallow's Eve" they built bonfires and wore ghostly costumes to drive the evil spirits away, and carried a potato or turnip candle lantern to intimidate the demons around them.

The National Alliance For Mental Illness reminds us that not only is it the season for ghosts and goblins, but also stigma. Costumes and seasonal attractions that feature psychos, mental patients, and insane asylums perpetuate stereotypes. Intended as fun, these violent stereotypes serve to perpetuate stigma -- which as reported by the U.S. Surgeon General is one of the greatest barriers to people getting help when they need it. It also is the source of prejudice and discrimination that leads to isolation and impedes progress toward recovery.

Last year, I didn't notice any neighborhood kids with stigma related costumes. But there was this young adult couple who made my eyebrows arch. One was dressed in scrubs with a butterfly net, and the other was in pajamas with a bloody cleaver.

Sheesh.

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Who Am I?

Depression tends to leave a trail of destruction in its wake. One of its victims is a positive self-concept - our sense of significance and self-worth. We look at sorry state of our lives, and compare ourselves to what we used to be like and what we want to be like, and often feel worthless.

Part of the process of recovering from depression is rediscovering our worth and learning to have a positive self-concept again.

I remember going through this process back in 1992. The worst phase of depression was behind me, and I was living close to a normal life, although still afflicted by strong fatigue and panic attacks. When I examine my diary entries from 1992, I can see that Jesus was teaching me once again how much I meant to Him, that I was His treasure, His beloved. Only when we understand our significance to God, and how He views us, can we really understand our true worth.

This is something I wrote in my diary after I had gone on a prayer walk one night on 7th August 1992.

Who Am I?
I love to walk alone at night,
And gaze up at all the heavens,
Bright stars twinkling in the night sky,
While a gentle, cold breeze refreshes my soul.
And while I look up at the great expanse above me,
I wonder, "Who am I, Lord, that You care for me?"
I am so tiny, so little, such a tiny part of Your creation,
I am dwarfed to insignificance compared to the heavens.
Yet You care for me. You tell me that You treasure me.
You hold me in Your hands and delight in me - even tiny little me.
I am precious to You, the Great God who created all.
You who fills this wondrous night sky,
Have fixed Your attention on me.
And You love me so much
That You died for me.
Jesus, I love You.

We see King David, who shared his experiences with depression in the Psalms, reflecting on the very same topic – his value in God’s sight.

Psalm 8
O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
above the heavens.
From the lips of children and infants
you have ordained praise
because of your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.
When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?
You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.
You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:
all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,
the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!

If recovering from depression, let us sit at Jesus’ feet and wait upon Him, and reflect and meditate upon the amazing way in which our loving God thinks of us. Although we appear to be insignificant when compared to the grandeur of God's creation, let us join with David in rejoicing that God has crowned us with glory and honor - He created us in His image. Moreover, when we placed our faith in Christ, He clothed us with Christ's robes of righteousness and gave us the right to become children of God. We are special, we are significant, we have value.

Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. John 1:12-13

All verses from the NIV.

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Depression and Reasons not to Self-harm

Some depression sufferers resort to what is known as ‘self-harm.’ This may involve the person hitting or otherwise deliberately injuring themselves. While suffering from depression back in 1990, I too struggled with this issue.

The purpose of this post is to encourage anyone struggling with this issue that they can be set free from it, as I was.

‘It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.’ Galatians 5:1

Why do some people suffering from depression resort to hurting themselves? My diary entries from 1990 reveal some of the common reasons, which can be summarised as follows:

Reasons for Self-harm:

Stemming from despair, hopeless and unbearable frustration:
1. Self-harm can be an attempt to fight depression’s symptoms and make them go away.
2. Self-harm may be an attempt to punish our body & mind for seemingly ruining our lives and refusing to recover.
3. Self-harm can be a cry for help.
4. Self-harm can be an attempt to use the physical pain to distract us from unbearable inner pain.

Self-harm is typically accompanied with crushing waves of guilt and sorrow, in the aftermath of seeing the injuries we may have inflicted upon ourselves.


Changing our Attitude Towards Self-harm:

In order to break the habit of harming ourselves, we need to change our attitude towards it.

1. Self-harm may feel like a relevant outlet for our rage and anger – a way to fight depression’s symptoms in an attempt to make them go away. Self-harm may seem to give us some form of temporary relief, however, we must remind ourselves that this is a lie, another of Satan’s deceptions. The fact is that if we self-harm, the anger, injuries, pain and guilt make the fear-adrenalin-fear cycle worse by causing more fear-related adrenalin to flow. This makes depression’s symptoms worse.

2. As self-harm stems from bewilderment, despair, hopeless and unbearable frustration, it is imperative that we understand what depression is and how the fear-adrenalin-fear cycle works. Please read this post to understand that cycle, and let knowledge replace the confusion. Once we learn the technique on how to break that cycle, hope replaces hopelessness and the frustration fades away.

3. We need to teach ourselves to hesitate if about to self-harm. If we raise our hand or reach for something with which to harm ourselves, we need to pause and remind ourselves that this will make depression worse by causing more negative adrenalin to flow. Ask Jesus for the strength to resist the urge and then let time pass - the urge will lose its urgency and fade away.

4. As a Christian, we need to remind ourselves that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit – God lives in us. We need to be responsible and look after and respect God’s temple, rather than harming it. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

5. One thing that helps people to stop hurting themselves is to reflect upon the effect such behaviour has on their family and friends. Caring family members and friends grieve if they see us hurting ourselves. We need to change our focus from ourselves and focus on our desire to stop hurting them through our actions.

6. One thing that helped me immensely was this: if I felt tempted to hurt myself, I would picture Jesus standing before me, telling me that He accepted and loved me, that He wanted to take me into His arms and comfort me (He understood what I was going through), and that I did not need to react in such a manner. (This is what He showed me during a counselling session.)


If We Fail:

Keeping the above things in mind can help us break the self-harm habit, but we may still fail on the odd occasion. If we do, we must not let guilt have its way with us. Go to God, confess the sin, thank Him for His forgiveness and ask Him to help us resist the urge to self-harm next time, and then put the lapse behind us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

However, if we find that the issue is not improving or getting worse, please see a doctor and/or a Christian therapist or counsellor, and get professional help. Do not struggle alone.


Other Things that may help:

Other things that may help us overcome a self-harm habit include keeping ourselves occupied with constructive activities, regular exercise, and spending as much time as possible with others who care for us, especially family or close friends.

We must not listen to the negative thoughts and voices (and memories of others) telling us that we are pathetic, useless and worthless. We must not hate our body for ‘putting us through this,’ as our body is not responsible, but the fear-adrenalin-fear cycle. We must ignore any feelings of self-hatred and loathing.

Instead, we need to fix our eyes upon Jesus, and upon the love that He has for us.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19.

Regardless of how we may view ourselves, Jesus does not reject us or despise us - He loves us so much that while we were still sinners He died for us so we can be restored to fellowship with God. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

“All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all that he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day." John 6:37-40

Jesus treasures each of us so dearly that He wants us to share our lives with Him for all eternity. He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him. 1 Thessalonians 5:10

Only by focusing upon God’s Word will we see our true worth - we are precious in His sight!

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

All verses from the NIV.

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Ralph, I Love You, But You're Kidding, Right?

I love Ralph Lauren's designs. They are classic, urban and pure Americana. But I think the Ralph Lauren company went overboard with reshaping model Fillipa Hamilton’s figure via photoshop for their recent marketing campaign.

Take a look and see the impossible body proportions.

I understand that designers think clothes looks better framed on thin figures, but promoting such unrealistic body images does great harm.

What do you think?

Update From Ralph Lauren Company :"For over 42 years we have built a brand based on quality and integrity. After further investigation, we have learned that we are responsible for the poor imaging and retouching that resulted in a very distorted image of a woman's body. We have addressed the problem and going forward will take every precaution to ensure that the caliber of our artwork represents our brand appropriately."

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World Mental Health Day 10/10/2009

World Mental Health Day was first observed on October 10, 1992. It was started as an annual activity of the World Federation for Mental Health by the then US Deputy Secretary General Richard Hunter - and is officially commemorated worldwide every year on October 10th.

This year's theme is Mental Health in Primary Care: Enhancing Treatment and Promoting Mental Health

I happen to have a wonderful Primary Care Physician. She endorses psychotherapy and pharmacotherapy, and often calls me to help her refer patients to therapists. And I often consult with her to find specialists in the medical field for my patients. It's so great that the fields of mental health and medicine have been working better over the years - understanding the art and science of each respective field. Mind and Body are *so* inter-connected. Now, if only we can get everyone health care.

Do you have a good relationship with your Primary Care Physician?

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A Bruised Reed He Will Not Break

While suffering from depression back in the 1990s I was painfully aware that I had become a broken, shattered person, a shadow of who I had been.

From my diary, 10th April 1990:
I once saw a spider that only had four legs,
The poor thing had lost the others somehow.
Yet the spider, a creature of instinct, did not even know,
It just kept struggling, vaguely aware something was wrong,
But not knowing what it was exactly.
That’s how I feel.

And 15th May 1990:
Self-hate keeps descending upon me like a swarm of angry hornets.
I look at myself and find nothing but contempt for this pathetic person I have become.
But I know this is wrong,
If I examine myself through the eyes of Jesus, I see someone special,
I see how much He loves me and cares for me,
How much I mean to Him.
And that He understands.
But knowing these things does not take away these feelings,
Feelings of self-hate, feelings of depression, of despair, and doubts.

And 18th May 1990:
I wish You were here on Earth, Lord, so I could go to You.
I would ask You to take compassion on me,
And heal my wounded spirit.

The fact was that Jesus was with me, holding my hand and comforting me. And one of the greatest sources of comfort was His word. In this post I would like to share a particular passage of scripture that brought me great comfort, a prophecy from Isaiah about Jesus. (God the Father is speaking.)

"Here is my servant whom I have chosen,
the one I love, in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
and he will proclaim justice to the nations.
He will not quarrel or cry out;
no one will hear his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out,
till he leads justice to victory.
In his name the nations will put their hope." Matthew 12:18-21

The latter part of this passage spoke volumes to me. I could think of no better description of someone suffering from depression than to portray them as a bruised reed or smoldering wick. That was exactly how I felt - bruised and battered, with my passion and zeal for life virtually extinguished, leaving nothing behind but a smoldering ember.

It reassured me greatly to know that Jesus held me gently in His hands, a bruised reed He would not break but restore to wholeness. How wonderful that although there was nothing left of me but a smoldering wick, He would take the time to gently fan that flame back into life. And that is exactly what He did. Jesus healed my bruises and rekindled my life flame, making me whole once again.

Jesus knows how frail we are.

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13-14

Yet even so, He treasures us so much that He gave His own life for us.

The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

How comforting to know that those who follow Him are held safely within His hands, even in the midst of life’s trials and storms.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:27-28

I would also like to share one my favourite worship songs, a song which has also brought me great encouragement.



All verses from the NIV.

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The Marshmallow Test

Dr. Walter Mischel's famous "Marshmallow Test" researched children and self-control back in the 1960's and 1970's. The design of the experiment involved leaving a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. Each child was given a set of simple instructions. If they rang the bell, Mischel would come back and they could immediately eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn't ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, he would bring them another marshmallow - thus giving them two to eat.

What Mischel found over years of following test subjects was that children who rang the bell early - in order to eat the one marshmallow - had more behavioral and academic problems growing up, got lower SAT scores and struggled in stressful situations and had limited friendships as adults. In essence, their lack of self-control had life long effects.

The video below simulates Mischel's "Marshmallow Test". I'd totally do what one of these cuties does - I'd touch it and smell it. Even glide it across my lips. But I could wait to eat the two marshmallows. How do you think you'd do?

Patterson, C., & Mischel, W. (1976). Effects of temptation-inhibiting and task-facilitating plans on self-control. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 33 (2), 209-217 DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.33.2.209

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Ten Ways To Become Medicine Smart

The National Council on Patient Information and Education has a list of 10 ways to become medicine smart. When you get a prescription, remember to ask these questions:


1. What is the name of the medicine and what is it for? Is this the brand name or the generic name?

2. Is a generic version of this medicine available?(If so, it may be more cost effective to go generic)

3. How and when do I take it and for how long?

4. What foods, drinks, other medicines or activities should I avoid while taking this medicine?

5. When should I expect the medicine to begin to work, and how will I know if it is working? Are there any tests required with this medicine (for example, to check liver or kidney function)?

6. Are there any side effects? What are they and what do I do if they occur?

7. Will this medicine work safely with the other prescription and nonprescription medicines I am taking? Will it work safely with any dietary/herbal supplements I am taking?

8. Do I need to get a refill? When?

9. How should I store this medicine?

10. Is there any written information available about the medicine? Is it available in large print or a language other than English?

I'd add one more to the list -> to keep a list of all the medications you take available, like in your wallet, pocketbook ,etc. I always have one on hand for in-case-of-emergency-situations.

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Some say, “You're depressed because you don't have enough faith.”

For a Christian leader to pass judgment on a Christian suffering from depression by saying, “you're depressed because you don't have enough faith,” or “you need to have more faith,” demonstrates not only a lack of sensitivity that beggars belief, but also demonstrates the depth of the leader’s ignorance.

To demonstrate how such comments are so far off the mark, let us take a moment to consider what King David wrote in Psalm 143.

Psalm 143:1-7
A psalm of David.
O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.

Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.

I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah

Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.


The persecution afflicted upon King David by his enemies has lead him to the depths of depression, as we can see as he laments that he has been crushed to the ground, that he feels like he is dwelling in darkness like those long dead, and that his spirit has grown faint and his heart dismayed. Overwhelmed, David cries out to God to save him quickly lest he becomes like those who go down into the pit (which could refer to the grave or hell.)

We see David pouring his heart out before God. There is no empty religious rhetoric in a vain attempt to comfort himself - he makes no pretence that everything is fine. Yet in all this David is not demonstrating a lack of faith. Rather, although he is going through a very difficult time, David has found the courage to honestly express exactly how he is feeling.

The intensity of David’s suffering is so devastating that his life has been shaken to the core. Yet even as so many aspects of his life are crushed, we get to see what is left - the very foundations he is standing on. Let us keep reading:

Psalm 143:8-12
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.


So what are the unshakeable foundations in David’s life that have withstood these terrible trials? It is his trust in God - “I have put my trust in You,” and “I hide myself in You.”

This proves that it was not a lack of faith in God that led to David’s dire circumstances or depression. In fact, it was his faith in God that SUSTAINED him throughout that dreadful trial.

And so is the case with so many if not most Christians who are suffering from depression and other disabilities such as long term illnesses and handicaps. It is their faith in God that sustains them through such trials, that helps them keep going and not give up when so many others have done so.

My diary has entries very similar to Psalm 143, such as this one:

13th May 1990 -
Boy it is hard, it is so hard.
The deep pain is gone, but I’m still a mess.
This is one difficult road,
And I feel for all those who have had to tread it before me.

The old fears and doubts which swamped me before rise up against me,
But I have found that if I don’t examine and analyse them,
Then they don’t overcome me, I don’t fall.
I try to keep my eyes on Jesus, to trust Him, to rely completely upon Him.

How I long to be normal again,
As I believe this will end one day.
The recovery will be slow, I think.
It needs to be, I couldn't cope with anything instant.
I'm beginning to see some hope for the future, which is good I guess.
But it still seems so distant.

The Bible says to consider it joy to endure trials,
I must say that there has been no joy in this trial.
It defies any previous experience known to me.
But I’ve been forced to trust God when it seems He has abandoned me.
I have been forced to come to a place where I have trusted Him without feeling like doing so.
All I want to do is cry out that He had abandoned me, that He is not faithful.
But He is faithful. And I know that.
He is faithful and true. He is Jesus.


The fact is that depression destroyed my life goals and for a time, turned my life into a living hell. Yet in the midst of that hell I did not walk away from God or give up on Him. Instead, I clung to Jesus like a shipwreck survivor clinging to a life-raft, and He did not let me down. He sustained me, helped me to cope and keep going - even during the blackest phase when I could not feel Him doing so. And then, in His timing, He led me out of that place to greener pastures. And as I continued to trust Him, He used the trial for good, drew me closer to Him, set me free from lifelong anxieties, and helped my faith to grow so that I would be better equipped to deal with future trials.

Now that is faith – trusting in God when our world falls apart. Anyone can say, “I trust in God!” when they are well off, healthy or their life has no problems, but how deep is such faith? Gold is purified by fire and the Bible uses the same analogy regarding the maturing of our faith. Faith grows and matures when tested by the fiery trials that come our way.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9

These judgmental leaders who say, "if you had more faith you would not be depressed, or would not have this or that illness or handicap," are suffering from faulty theology to the extreme! Faith does not prevent us from going through trials - such trials develop our faith.

I would go so far as to say that those Christians who trust in God to sustain them through depression and other disabilities actually have a much stronger and deeper faith than leaders who tell them that they “need to have more faith." The fact is that these accusers have obviously never been through such a trial; otherwise they would have never made the accusation in the first place.

God uses such storms and trials to develop our faith, and this developing of our faith will assist us throughout the rest of our lives.

‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4

Honestly, if such people stopping being so aloof, and instead of standing back at a distance and passing judgements, were to get close enough to someone suffering from depression, and upon seeing what they endure on a daily basis and yet continue to trust in God and cling to him, and if these accusers honestly cared about the depth of their own faith, they should fall on their knees and ask, “Please God, put me through such a trial so that I too can have faith like that.”

All verses from the NIV.

(Tags: Christians who judge Christians for having depression and anxiety)

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World Suicide Awareness Day

World Suicide Prevention Day is today, September 10, 2009. This public health education campaign is sponsored by The International Association for Suicide Prevention, The World Health Organization, The United Nations and many grassroot organizations and agencies. This year's theme is "Suicide Prevention in Different Cultures."

According to the World Health Organization, every 40 seconds a person committs suicide. Link here for the warning signs. For suicide resources in the USA link here and for worldwide referrals go here.

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Top Ten Films That Feature Mental Illness

I love watching movies. The cinematic experience not only entertains but also informs. Here are my top 10 favorite movies that show mental illness and psychotherapy in a realistic manner.


1. Ordinary People (PTSD, Depression)
My absolute favorite movie of all time because it portrays the human experience of loss so well and it also features psychotherapy in a realistic way. Robert Redford's directorial debut. Mary Tyler Moore, Donald Sutherland, Judd Hirsch and Timothy Hutton wow in their performances.

2. A Beautiful Mind (Schizophrenia)
The true story of Nobel Prize Winner John Nash is told in this award winning film. Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly star. Directed by Ron Howard.

3. The Soloist (Schizophrenia)
This is the true story of Nathaniel Anthony Ayers, a former Julliard Student, who falls into the depths of schizophrenia. When reporter, Steve Lopez, befriends him, both of their worlds change. The ethical issues of treatment of mental illness are realistically portrayed. Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx offer great performances.

4. Canvas (Schizophrenia)
A young boy moves through the his mother's psychotic episode with the help of his father and friends. Joe Pantoliano, Marcia Gay Harden and Devon Gearhart are inspiring to watch.

5. Bird (Substance Abuse/Eating Disorder)
The true story of Charlie "Bird" Parker, Jazz legend, and his struggles with mental illness. Directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Forest Whitaker. Fantastic soundtrack.

6. Rain Man (Autism)
Dustin Hoffman delivers an award winning performance as a man with Autism and Tom Cruise as the brother who doesn't understand him.

7. Fearless (PTSD)
Jeff Bridges is unforgettable in his performance as a survivor of a plane crash as is Rosie Perez in this emotional tale of trauma, loss and recovery.

8. Lars And The Real Girl (Social Anxiety Disorder)
This film knocked me out with its poignant storytelling of a young man living in a rural Minnesota community. Ryan Gosling and Emily Mortimer star.

9. A Lion In Winter (Personality Disorders, Family Dysfunction)

Various personality disorders as well as maladaptive defense mechanisms often seen in family dysfunction are presented in vivid language and breathtaking performances. Peter O'Toole, Katherine Hepburn and a young Anthony Hopkins dazzle in this award winning film. It's an oldie, but a goodie - and based on the life of King Henry II.

10. The Night Listener (Factitious Disorder)
Robin Williams and Toni Collette tell this true-based story from the experiences of author Armistead Maupin, and his connection to a mysterious young boy.


There are so many more that I could name, but these are my top favs. Head on over to Psychmovies and Cinematherapy.com for more movie suggestions.

What are your favorites?

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Stay on Target

Recovering from depression can at times be a daunting prospect. Although there are good days, some of the ‘bad’ days are so bad that we just want to climb into a hole and pull a lid over the top.

16th May 1990 –
Two weeks ago I felt almost normal again,
But was I too hopeful?
The last two or three days have been almost as bad as before,
And it has caught me off guard.
A familiar disturbed sensation once again flooded my chest and emotions,
And it was too much for me today.

We fear that we are not actually improving at all, and that we will never actually reach our goal of complete recovery.

And then there are those issues that pop up during counselling or therapy. Some issues or experiences from our past that surface are so painful that we can barely face them, let alone deal with them.

It was during a counselling session that the Lord showed me I needed to step out of a comfort zone that was taking His place in my life. In that session I was also encouraged to face one of my greatest, irrational fears. This is what I wrote in my diary after that session.

Man this hurts - my reaction all day was to be in pain. Because of this, and also because of confronting my fears...What a mess! Today I have felt like a larger mess, in so much inner pain, so much worse. But I guess this is necessary.

And it was necessary. Once I had worked through this issue with Christ’s guidance and my pastor’s counsel backed up by the Word of God, I stepped out of that comfort zone, overcame that fear, and received wholeness and freedom in Christ that allowed my life to go in an entirely new direction.

Counselling during depression also revealed that I had faulty theology and thought patterns that needed to be aligned with God’s Word. These not only contributed to depression but were also hindering the recovery process. Dealing with these was also painful and in some cases, took perseverance over several weeks or months before my thinking and beliefs lined up with God’s Word.

The purpose of this post is to share something that helped me to persevere when my life encountered such difficult times.

My last year of senior high school, year twelve, was so stressful and demanding that I fell ill many times as the year progressed. Time and again I wanted to quit, leave school, give up my dream of going to university and be content with second best.

However, one thing that helped me persevere was a scene in the movie Star Wars.

Towards the end of the film, we see the Rebel fighter pilots launching a near suicidal attack upon the evil Death Star space station. In one scene, three Rebel Y-Wings are rocketing down a trench during a torpedo attack run on the Death Star’s reactor. Imperial Tie Fighters were on their tail, trying to destroy them. One pilot kept panicking that they weren’t going to make it, that they were going to die. But the leader, older, and more mature, just kept answering calmly, “Stay on target.”

So throughout year twelve, whenever I felt like throwing in the towel and giving up, I would say to myself, “Stay on target.”

The Bible tells us to persevere, to be an over comer, to let nothing stop us from following Jesus and completing the race He has set before us. The Bible tells us to “Stay on target.”

Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

So if we are having one of those bad days and we lament, “It’s too hard, I can’t do this - I want to get off this planet!” we can fix our eyes upon Jesus rely upon His strength and say, “Stay on target.” The goal is an abundant life in Christ – both now and for eternity, and of course, learning to deal with and recover from depression.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

When faced with the memory of a past trauma and we say, “No, it’s too painful, I can’t face it, I can’t work through it,” let us instead remember Jesus was there when it happened, and is with us right now, helping to set us free from it. We can say to ourselves, “Stay on target - I will not settle for second best.”

‘I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’ Philippians 3:14

When we have to unlearn faulty thought processes and belief systems, and retrain our mind so that it is aligned with God’s word, and we say, “But I’ve always done it that way, I’ve always believed that was the case, why do I need to change?” We can press into Jesus and ask Him to help renew our mind so that we can live in the freedom He has purchased for us on the cross, and we can say to ourselves, “Stay on target.”

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2

Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:16

All verses from the NIV.

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