A Bruised Reed He Will Not Break

While suffering from depression back in the 1990s I was painfully aware that I had become a broken, shattered person, a shadow of who I had been.

From my diary, 10th April 1990:
I once saw a spider that only had four legs,
The poor thing had lost the others somehow.
Yet the spider, a creature of instinct, did not even know,
It just kept struggling, vaguely aware something was wrong,
But not knowing what it was exactly.
That’s how I feel.

And 15th May 1990:
Self-hate keeps descending upon me like a swarm of angry hornets.
I look at myself and find nothing but contempt for this pathetic person I have become.
But I know this is wrong,
If I examine myself through the eyes of Jesus, I see someone special,
I see how much He loves me and cares for me,
How much I mean to Him.
And that He understands.
But knowing these things does not take away these feelings,
Feelings of self-hate, feelings of depression, of despair, and doubts.

And 18th May 1990:
I wish You were here on Earth, Lord, so I could go to You.
I would ask You to take compassion on me,
And heal my wounded spirit.

The fact was that Jesus was with me, holding my hand and comforting me. And one of the greatest sources of comfort was His word. In this post I would like to share a particular passage of scripture that brought me great comfort, a prophecy from Isaiah about Jesus. (God the Father is speaking.)

"Here is my servant whom I have chosen,
the one I love, in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him,
and he will proclaim justice to the nations.
He will not quarrel or cry out;
no one will hear his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out,
till he leads justice to victory.
In his name the nations will put their hope." Matthew 12:18-21

The latter part of this passage spoke volumes to me. I could think of no better description of someone suffering from depression than to portray them as a bruised reed or smoldering wick. That was exactly how I felt - bruised and battered, with my passion and zeal for life virtually extinguished, leaving nothing behind but a smoldering ember.

It reassured me greatly to know that Jesus held me gently in His hands, a bruised reed He would not break but restore to wholeness. How wonderful that although there was nothing left of me but a smoldering wick, He would take the time to gently fan that flame back into life. And that is exactly what He did. Jesus healed my bruises and rekindled my life flame, making me whole once again.

Jesus knows how frail we are.

As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:13-14

Yet even so, He treasures us so much that He gave His own life for us.

The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

How comforting to know that those who follow Him are held safely within His hands, even in the midst of life’s trials and storms.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:27-28

I would also like to share one my favourite worship songs, a song which has also brought me great encouragement.



All verses from the NIV.

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The Marshmallow Test

Dr. Walter Mischel's famous "Marshmallow Test" researched children and self-control back in the 1960's and 1970's. The design of the experiment involved leaving a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. Each child was given a set of simple instructions. If they rang the bell, Mischel would come back and they could immediately eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn't ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, he would bring them another marshmallow - thus giving them two to eat.

What Mischel found over years of following test subjects was that children who rang the bell early - in order to eat the one marshmallow - had more behavioral and academic problems growing up, got lower SAT scores and struggled in stressful situations and had limited friendships as adults. In essence, their lack of self-control had life long effects.

The video below simulates Mischel's "Marshmallow Test". I'd totally do what one of these cuties does - I'd touch it and smell it. Even glide it across my lips. But I could wait to eat the two marshmallows. How do you think you'd do?

Patterson, C., & Mischel, W. (1976). Effects of temptation-inhibiting and task-facilitating plans on self-control. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 33 (2), 209-217 DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.33.2.209

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Ten Ways To Become Medicine Smart

The National Council on Patient Information and Education has a list of 10 ways to become medicine smart. When you get a prescription, remember to ask these questions:


1. What is the name of the medicine and what is it for? Is this the brand name or the generic name?

2. Is a generic version of this medicine available?(If so, it may be more cost effective to go generic)

3. How and when do I take it and for how long?

4. What foods, drinks, other medicines or activities should I avoid while taking this medicine?

5. When should I expect the medicine to begin to work, and how will I know if it is working? Are there any tests required with this medicine (for example, to check liver or kidney function)?

6. Are there any side effects? What are they and what do I do if they occur?

7. Will this medicine work safely with the other prescription and nonprescription medicines I am taking? Will it work safely with any dietary/herbal supplements I am taking?

8. Do I need to get a refill? When?

9. How should I store this medicine?

10. Is there any written information available about the medicine? Is it available in large print or a language other than English?

I'd add one more to the list -> to keep a list of all the medications you take available, like in your wallet, pocketbook ,etc. I always have one on hand for in-case-of-emergency-situations.

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Some say, “You're depressed because you don't have enough faith.”

For a Christian leader to pass judgment on a Christian suffering from depression by saying, “you're depressed because you don't have enough faith,” or “you need to have more faith,” demonstrates not only a lack of sensitivity that beggars belief, but also demonstrates the depth of the leader’s ignorance.

To demonstrate how such comments are so far off the mark, let us take a moment to consider what King David wrote in Psalm 143.

Psalm 143:1-7
A psalm of David.
O LORD, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.

Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.

I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.
Selah

Answer me quickly, O LORD;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.


The persecution afflicted upon King David by his enemies has lead him to the depths of depression, as we can see as he laments that he has been crushed to the ground, that he feels like he is dwelling in darkness like those long dead, and that his spirit has grown faint and his heart dismayed. Overwhelmed, David cries out to God to save him quickly lest he becomes like those who go down into the pit (which could refer to the grave or hell.)

We see David pouring his heart out before God. There is no empty religious rhetoric in a vain attempt to comfort himself - he makes no pretence that everything is fine. Yet in all this David is not demonstrating a lack of faith. Rather, although he is going through a very difficult time, David has found the courage to honestly express exactly how he is feeling.

The intensity of David’s suffering is so devastating that his life has been shaken to the core. Yet even as so many aspects of his life are crushed, we get to see what is left - the very foundations he is standing on. Let us keep reading:

Psalm 143:8-12
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

Rescue me from my enemies, O LORD,
for I hide myself in you.

Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.

For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.


So what are the unshakeable foundations in David’s life that have withstood these terrible trials? It is his trust in God - “I have put my trust in You,” and “I hide myself in You.”

This proves that it was not a lack of faith in God that led to David’s dire circumstances or depression. In fact, it was his faith in God that SUSTAINED him throughout that dreadful trial.

And so is the case with so many if not most Christians who are suffering from depression and other disabilities such as long term illnesses and handicaps. It is their faith in God that sustains them through such trials, that helps them keep going and not give up when so many others have done so.

My diary has entries very similar to Psalm 143, such as this one:

13th May 1990 -
Boy it is hard, it is so hard.
The deep pain is gone, but I’m still a mess.
This is one difficult road,
And I feel for all those who have had to tread it before me.

The old fears and doubts which swamped me before rise up against me,
But I have found that if I don’t examine and analyse them,
Then they don’t overcome me, I don’t fall.
I try to keep my eyes on Jesus, to trust Him, to rely completely upon Him.

How I long to be normal again,
As I believe this will end one day.
The recovery will be slow, I think.
It needs to be, I couldn't cope with anything instant.
I'm beginning to see some hope for the future, which is good I guess.
But it still seems so distant.

The Bible says to consider it joy to endure trials,
I must say that there has been no joy in this trial.
It defies any previous experience known to me.
But I’ve been forced to trust God when it seems He has abandoned me.
I have been forced to come to a place where I have trusted Him without feeling like doing so.
All I want to do is cry out that He had abandoned me, that He is not faithful.
But He is faithful. And I know that.
He is faithful and true. He is Jesus.


The fact is that depression destroyed my life goals and for a time, turned my life into a living hell. Yet in the midst of that hell I did not walk away from God or give up on Him. Instead, I clung to Jesus like a shipwreck survivor clinging to a life-raft, and He did not let me down. He sustained me, helped me to cope and keep going - even during the blackest phase when I could not feel Him doing so. And then, in His timing, He led me out of that place to greener pastures. And as I continued to trust Him, He used the trial for good, drew me closer to Him, set me free from lifelong anxieties, and helped my faith to grow so that I would be better equipped to deal with future trials.

Now that is faith – trusting in God when our world falls apart. Anyone can say, “I trust in God!” when they are well off, healthy or their life has no problems, but how deep is such faith? Gold is purified by fire and the Bible uses the same analogy regarding the maturing of our faith. Faith grows and matures when tested by the fiery trials that come our way.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:3-9

These judgmental leaders who say, "if you had more faith you would not be depressed, or would not have this or that illness or handicap," are suffering from faulty theology to the extreme! Faith does not prevent us from going through trials - such trials develop our faith.

I would go so far as to say that those Christians who trust in God to sustain them through depression and other disabilities actually have a much stronger and deeper faith than leaders who tell them that they “need to have more faith." The fact is that these accusers have obviously never been through such a trial; otherwise they would have never made the accusation in the first place.

God uses such storms and trials to develop our faith, and this developing of our faith will assist us throughout the rest of our lives.

‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4

Honestly, if such people stopping being so aloof, and instead of standing back at a distance and passing judgements, were to get close enough to someone suffering from depression, and upon seeing what they endure on a daily basis and yet continue to trust in God and cling to him, and if these accusers honestly cared about the depth of their own faith, they should fall on their knees and ask, “Please God, put me through such a trial so that I too can have faith like that.”

All verses from the NIV.

(Tags: Christians who judge Christians for having depression and anxiety)

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World Suicide Awareness Day

World Suicide Prevention Day is today, September 10, 2009. This public health education campaign is sponsored by The International Association for Suicide Prevention, The World Health Organization, The United Nations and many grassroot organizations and agencies. This year's theme is "Suicide Prevention in Different Cultures."

According to the World Health Organization, every 40 seconds a person committs suicide. Link here for the warning signs. For suicide resources in the USA link here and for worldwide referrals go here.

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Top Ten Films That Feature Mental Illness

I love watching movies. The cinematic experience not only entertains but also informs. Here are my top 10 favorite movies that show mental illness and psychotherapy in a realistic manner.


1. Ordinary People (PTSD, Depression)
My absolute favorite movie of all time because it portrays the human experience of loss so well and it also features psychotherapy in a realistic way. Robert Redford's directorial debut. Mary Tyler Moore, Donald Sutherland, Judd Hirsch and Timothy Hutton wow in their performances.

2. A Beautiful Mind (Schizophrenia)
The true story of Nobel Prize Winner John Nash is told in this award winning film. Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly star. Directed by Ron Howard.

3. The Soloist (Schizophrenia)
This is the true story of Nathaniel Anthony Ayers, a former Julliard Student, who falls into the depths of schizophrenia. When reporter, Steve Lopez, befriends him, both of their worlds change. The ethical issues of treatment of mental illness are realistically portrayed. Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx offer great performances.

4. Canvas (Schizophrenia)
A young boy moves through the his mother's psychotic episode with the help of his father and friends. Joe Pantoliano, Marcia Gay Harden and Devon Gearhart are inspiring to watch.

5. Bird (Substance Abuse/Eating Disorder)
The true story of Charlie "Bird" Parker, Jazz legend, and his struggles with mental illness. Directed by Clint Eastwood and starring Forest Whitaker. Fantastic soundtrack.

6. Rain Man (Autism)
Dustin Hoffman delivers an award winning performance as a man with Autism and Tom Cruise as the brother who doesn't understand him.

7. Fearless (PTSD)
Jeff Bridges is unforgettable in his performance as a survivor of a plane crash as is Rosie Perez in this emotional tale of trauma, loss and recovery.

8. Lars And The Real Girl (Social Anxiety Disorder)
This film knocked me out with its poignant storytelling of a young man living in a rural Minnesota community. Ryan Gosling and Emily Mortimer star.

9. A Lion In Winter (Personality Disorders, Family Dysfunction)

Various personality disorders as well as maladaptive defense mechanisms often seen in family dysfunction are presented in vivid language and breathtaking performances. Peter O'Toole, Katherine Hepburn and a young Anthony Hopkins dazzle in this award winning film. It's an oldie, but a goodie - and based on the life of King Henry II.

10. The Night Listener (Factitious Disorder)
Robin Williams and Toni Collette tell this true-based story from the experiences of author Armistead Maupin, and his connection to a mysterious young boy.


There are so many more that I could name, but these are my top favs. Head on over to Psychmovies and Cinematherapy.com for more movie suggestions.

What are your favorites?

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