vitamin for depression: 2010

Dr. Deb: A Year in Review

This blog journey has been a most gratifying experience for me. I continually learn new things, get a chance to write about them and enjoy the discussions that my regular readers, as well as passersby, offer.

Every year about this time, I take a look at things, especially which posts get the most reads. I blog about a lot of psychological issues, but the one post that garnered thousands of hits this year was about Broken Heart Syndrome.

Profound emotional sadness can lower your immune system, increase blood pressure, heart rate and muscle weakness. Stress from grief can flood the body with hormones, specifically Cortisol, which causes that heavy achy feeling in the chest area. All of these issues increase the likelihood of heart attack. The actual medical term for this mind/body experience is Stress Cardiomyopathy. The colloquial term is a broken heart.

If you are in the depths of despair consider these tips:

1) Don't hold in your emotional pain. Studies show that expressing emotions greatly reduces the body's stress response.

2) Don't put a time limit on your grief. And don't let others set one for you either. Consider seeking the guidance of a professional who can help you move through this traumatic loss.

3) Make sure you tend to your physical needs. Eat well, keep a routine sleep schedule. If you require medication to help you with sleeping, modulate your moods or for cardiac management, don't feel ashamed. You are going through a significantly stressful time.

4) A broken heart leaves many people feeling stunned and stuck. Move. Get out of bed. Take a shower. Go for a walk. Feel the sun on your face.

5) Above all else, make sure that you check in with your physician. Remember, Stress Cardiomyopathy is a mind/body event.

Art that Empowers Girls

Did you know that studies investigating gender roles say that despite recent changes in media, rigid stereotyping for young girls still exists. It's true.

Advertising, cartoons, commercials, picture books and toys are just some of the ways that children develop an understanding about how society defines what is means to be a girl or a boy. Most often, girls are represented as being motivated by love and romance, and are less independent than boys. Experts in the the field confirm that many themes portray girls as sexual yet powerless and passive. What confusing messages!

When looking at the posters above, girls (and boys) can learn that gender roles are not rigid. The artist, Amanda Visell has had her work featured in galleries, museums, toys stores and even movies around the world. I think she's a maverick!

I love the message in this art. Don't you?

Tips for Getting Thru the Holidays

Overexpectation. This is the single biggest cause of holiday stress. Unrealistic hopes that everything will be perfect, and everyone will be happy can only lead to disappointment, frustration and even depression. Be realistic and enjoy the true meaning of the holidays, which is about celebration and togetherness – not perfection.

Overscheduling. Most of our lives are already overscheduled, even before adding in holiday visits, religious events, and travel. Make plans carefully in advance and don’t be afraid to say “No!" if you feel burdened.

Overindulging. Eat, drink and be merry…within reason. Overeating can worsen certain health problems and causes unneeded guilt over extra pounds. Enjoy the bounty of special celebrations but don’t go overboard.

Overpaying. Don't confuse “stuff” with love. Make a budget and stick to it. Most of all, remember to give the gift of time to children. Long after the $100 video games are forgotten, kids will remember sledding down hills with you.

Overexertion. Don’t wait until the last minute to shop for food and presents. Shop ahead of time. Use the Internet. And don’t go it alone! Delgate if necessary.

Overbearing Relatives. Family conflicts can resurface during what should be ideal moments. Try to avoid falling into old tensions or old roles. If certain people are problematic, be creative with seating or invite people to different occasions at different times. Set aside differences until after the holidays. If friction arises, leave the room to baste the turkey or take a walk with someone.

Overstressed. Keep an eye out for signs of discomfort and stress that takes its toll on your body and mind. Head or backaches, nightmares, withdrawal, irritability and other out-of-character behaviors are a sign that you have taken on too much.

How are you doing with the Holidays?

Pareidolia is a Cognitive Illusion

Pareidolia is a the tendency to see faces in inanimate objects. This neuropsychological phenomenon is sometimes called a cognitive illusion - whereby our eyes see something and our mind interprets its structure. The result is the experience of seeing something that really is not there.

Have some fun and see if you can find the faces in these photos. My favorite is the face of the dog in the clouds. Which is yours?

Anniversary Effect

"Anniversary Effect", sometimes called Anniversary Reaction, is defined as a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.

Sometimes you can trace the reason why you're feeling sad, irritable or anxious. One look at the calendar and you connect the dots from your current emotional state to the traumatic event. For example, the birthday of someone who's no longer alive, the date of an accident, a natural disaster or a miscarriage, just to name a few.

Sometimes finding the Anniversary Effect isn't as easy to trace because the event doesn't have a time-specific relationship. It may be more of a seasonal experience. For example, Autumn reminds you of when your child left for college, or a hot humid day reminds you of the time you signed your divorce papers. Or for me, the sounds of Christmas music on the radio takes me back to the trauma of a botched robbery that nearly took my life.

Anniversary Reactions signal that you are still working on moving through the trauma of your experience. It is often a normal part of the grieving process.

What You Can Do

1. Make sure you take time to glance at a calendar each month - and explore dates and memories attached to such dates. This framework can help prepare you for the possibility of an Anniversary Reaction.

2. The anniversary date is not the only day that you might feel out of sorts. Remind yourself that days or weeks leading up to an anniversary date - and even ones after, may be tough ones for you.

3. Anniversaries of public trauma, crises or disasters receive significant media coverage. Often, media outlets revisit distressing imagery. Limit your watching of TV, reading of newspapers and visiting Internet news sites around those dates.

4. Express your memories and feelings when an Anniversary Effect happens. You can do this by talking with a family member or friend, journaling, blogging or finding creative ways to express your inner experiences.

5. Make sure you take good care of yourself during these times. Self-care, support and comfort will help ground you as you move through trauma.

6. If you find that you're struggling with your trauma, remember that you're not alone. Loss affects each of us differently, so don't put a time limit on your grief. If you feel overwhelmed or cannot navigate successfully through your Anniversary Reaction, consider seeking the counsel of a trauma specialist.

Managing Holiday Stress

It's that time of year when many people shift gears and the holidays take center stage. Often, the holiday season is not all comfort and joy. It can be a time of great emotional and physical stress. One of my favorite psychology links is The American Psychological Association - which is featuring a timely post on how to identify holiday stress and build resilience. Here are some excerpts:

Define holiday stress—How do you experience stress? Does that experience change during the holidays? Different people experience stress differently. How do you know when you are stressed?

Identify holiday stressors—What holiday events or situations trigger stressful feelings? Are they related to work, home, relationships or something else?

Recognize how you deal with stress—Determine if you are relying on unhealthy behaviors like smoking or eating to manage stress. Is this a behavior you rely on year-round, or is it specific to holiday stress?

Change one behavior at a time—Unhealthy behaviors develop over the course of time. Replacing unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones requires time. Start small and focus on changing one behavior.

Take care of yourself—Taking care of yourself during the holiday season helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with stress. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in holiday activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Eat healthy. Make sure you get enough rest and sleep.

Ask for support—Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens your resilience and ability to manage stress. Use the holidays as a time to reconnect with friends and family and strengthen your support network. If you feel overwhelmed by stress, then consider seeking professional help. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies to help you manage stress, change unhealthy behaviors and address emotional issues.

Airplane Screenings: What's The Big Deal?

Well, for many travelers it *is* no big deal. They don't mind the enhanced pat downs or their naked bodies being seen on X-ray scanners.

But for millions of others, it is quite a to-do.

It's traumatizing to have someone put their hands on you. Or to find that your body scan has not been destroyed but rather saved and on display for others to see. It can be acutely distressing and humiliating to be submissive and under someone's control. Read here about a pilot who didn't feel fit to fly after an enhanced pat down. It can trigger flashbacks of abuse or feel like a sexual molestation. It may reveal more than you want others to know, like if you've had a mastectomy, wear a colostomy bag or are in the midst of gender reassignment, for example. Read here about a bladder cancer survivor's urine-soaked pat down. And if you witness another person's traumatic experience during an airplane screening, you can be emotionally effected. This is called vicarious trauma.

I understand the need for safety and security in this day and age. But these new security measures feel wrong on so many levels. I don't blame the TSA for following their orders. We need to appeal to those in charge, who clearly need to consult with trauma experts. The TSA has a job to do, but needs to appreciate the impact of trauma and to incorporate more sensitive measures.

Tips and Recommendations

1. If you are someone who is going to fly, head over to Dr. Kathleen Young's blog for links, tips and grounding techniques to minimize trauma.

2. Make sure you know your Passenger Rights.

3. Consider accessing grassroots movements like Opt Out Day and We Won't Fly.

4. Write to your US House of Representatives by clicking here.

5. Write your US Senator by linking here.

*** Trigger Alert for Video and Photo ***

Photo from John Wild/johnwild.info

Suicide "Survivor" Awareness Day: 11/20

Every year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention sponsors National Survivors of Suicide Day - reaching out to thousands of people who have lost a loved one to suicide. This Saturday, November 20, 2010, is their 12th year of raising awareness and providing support.

Over 230 simultaneous conferences for survivors of suicide loss will take place throughout the U.S. and across the world. An amazing network of healing conferences is available for those who have survived the tragedy of suicide loss. Connecting on this day allows survivors to know that they are not alone in this experience. And perhaps more important than anything else, research has shown that survivors of suicide contribute significantly in better understanding suicide and its prevention. There is great power in the personal narrative.

To find a city worldwide where a conference is being held link here and here

Read more on suicide outreach and about the 10 common myths about suicide here

Inkblot: Red White & Black

So, what do you see?

Q & A: Seasonal Affective Disorder

Question: What is Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Answer: Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a pattern of significant depressive symptoms that occur and then disappear with the changing of the seasons. SAD is sometimes called "Winter Depression" or "Winter Blues". SAD occurs when days get shorter around November and reduce with the onset of Spring. Incidentally, SAD can have a "reverse seasonal pattern" where depression occurs in summer months.

Question: What's the difference between Seasonal Affective Disorder and other forms of depression?
Answer: SAD is a subcategory of Major Depressive Disorder. Symptoms, though, occur seasonally, so symptoms come in cycles..

Question: How many people are affected by SAD each year?
Answer: SAD affects millions worldwide. The illness is more common in higher latitudes (locations that are farther north or south of the equator) because of their distance from the sun. Research also shows that women are more prone to SAD than are men.

Question: What are the symtpoms of SAD?
Answer: Symptoms include many of the same symptoms of depression: sadness, anxiety, lost interest in usual activities, withdrawal from social activities and an inability to concentrate. The difference though, is that these symptoms resolve each Spring and tend to occur again in late Fall.

Question: What is the cause of Seasonal Affective Disorder?
Answer: Melatonin, a sleep-related hormone secreted by the pineal gland in the brain, has been linked to SAD. This hormone, which may cause symptoms of depression, is produced at increased levels in the dark. Therefore, when the days are shorter and darker the production of this hormone increases.

Question: What kind of treatments are available?
Answer: Phototherapy or bright light therapy has been shown to suppress the brain’s secretion of Melatonin. Antidepressants are helpful as well. For mild SAD symptoms, spending time outdoors during the day or sitting in a pool of sunshine indoors are helpful. Studies have shown that an hour’s walk in sunlight was as effective as two and a half hours under bright artificial light. Daily exercise has been shown to be helpful, particularly when done outdoors. Keeping a healthy sleeping and eating pattern is also recommended.

Question: How to Seek Treatment for SAD?
Answer: If you've noticed a pattern to your depression, make an appointment with your physician. Medical tests and exams should be up to date to rule out any other reason for depressive symptoms. Thereafter, a consult with a psychologist, social worker or psychiatrist is necessary. A treatment plan of light therapy, medication, talk therapy or a combination of them may be recommended.

Resources

Seasonal Affective Disorder Association: http://www.sada.org.uk/

Society for Light Treatment :www.websciences.org/sltbr

The Circadian Lighting Association: www.claorg.org

Happy Stigma Free Halloween

Halloween is one of the oldest recorded observances.

The tradition started over two thousand years ago with The Celts, who believed that the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred on October 31st. So, on that "Hallow's Eve" they built bonfires and wore ghostly costumes to drive the evil spirits away, and carried a potato or turnip candle lantern to intimidate the demons around them.

The National Alliance For Mental Illness reminds us that not only is it the season for ghosts and goblins, but also stigma. Costumes and seasonal attractions that feature psychos, mental patients, and insane asylums perpetuate stereotypes. Intended as fun, these violent stereotypes serve to perpetuate stigma -- which as reported by the U.S. Surgeon General is one of the greatest barriers to people getting help when they need it. It also is the source of prejudice and discrimination that leads to isolation and impedes progress toward recovery.

Hope your Halloween is stigma free.

Quiz: What Side of the Brain Are You?

You Are the Right Side of the Brain

You are a naturally creative and imaginative person. You have the mind of an artist.

You are inspired by the whole world around you, and you never hesitate to act on your inspirations. You are very spontaneous.

You are a true multitakser. You are always scanning and processing the world around you while you get other things done.

You see the big picture like no one else. You have spot on intuition and a good memory.

What Side of the Brain Are You?

Everything here is true for me, save the totally spontaneous line. I plan, plan, plan.

What about you?

Empathy: Cognitive and Affective

Empathy is defined as the ability to perceive someone else's experience. Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen, the cousin of actor Sasha, is an avid researcher on empathy and reports that for the most part, women demonstrate empathy to a greater degree than do men.

But did you know there are two kinds of empathy?

Cognitive empathy is the ability to perceive what another person is thinking. "She must be telling herself this was a mistake."

Affective empathy is the ability to sense what another person is emotionally experiencing. "She must be feeling upset about this mistake."

Of course, there's much more to the process of empathy. But should you want to stretch your ability to feel for another person try these tips:

1) Ask yourself what must this person be thinking? This will broaden your cognitive empathy.

2) Same goes for affective empathy - imagine what feelings and emotions might be stirring within another person.

3) If it's hard for you to "be in another person's shoes", ask yourself what YOU might be thinking or feeling if you were in a similar situation.

Therapy "Service Dogs"

Psychiatric Service Dogs are amazing helpers and companions for children and adults with mental health issues. I love seeing service dogs when I'm out and about in the world. What kinds of tasks can Psychiatric Service Dogs be trained to do? Take a look:

♦ Remind handler to take medication on time

♦ Warm handler’s body during a panic attack

♦ Interrupt repetitive OCD behaviors

♦ Comfort handler during emotional distress

♦ Accompany handler outside of the home

♦ Interrupt dissociative episodes or flashbacks

♦ Protect and safeguard handler during seizure

♦ Provide a safe grounding presence

♦ Interrupt self-harming

Just remember, if you see a Psychiatric Service Dog, ask their handler if the dog is "working". Dogs can be petted and played with only when they're on a break!

For more on Psychiatric Service Dogs go here

National Depression Screening Day: 10/7

National Depression Screening Day is today, October 7th. Each year, more than half a million children and adults are screened for depression with this campaign.

Depression affects more than 120 million people worldwide and is the one of the leading causes of disability across the globe.

To find a free, anonymous screening site in your area, link here. If you can't find a way to go in person, take an online screening at PsychCentral, Mental Health America or Screening for Mental Health.

It seems fitting that on National Depression Screening Day that I announce that I've been offered a book deal for my nonfiction depression book. I'm happy to report that "Living with Depression: Why Biology and Biology Matter Along the Path to Hope and Healing" will be published in 2011 by Rowman & Littlefield.

It's my hope that "Living with Depression" will help children and adults who experience depression, offer insight to those who love someone who has the illness, and become a resource to others who want to learn more about mood disorders.

Mental Health Awareness Week

For the last 20 years, the first week in October has been designated as Mental Health Awareness Week. The campaign, which begins October 3rd and runs through the 9th, is focusing on the theme "Changing Attitudes, Changing Lives."

The truth is that negative stereotypes and improper understanding of mental illness keep many children and adults from getting the help they need.

If you or someone you love has a undiagnosed or untreated mental disorder, you can find local and national support in Australia , Canada and the USA

For me, every day is an awareness day. But I like how campaigns like this shine a light on mental health.

Inkblot Fun

There are many kinds of psychological tests that help us understand the human psyche. Some are standardized, meaning that they have varying degrees of right and wrong answers. While others psychological tests are subjective - having NO wrong answers. These kinds of tests, instead, reveal your perception and inner life as a person.

This is not an actual Rorschach Inkblot (it's unethical to reveal them). But if you're so inclined, share what you see. I'll include my response in the comments so as to not influence yours.

Depression and the Search for an Instant 'Answer’

Depression was the most confusing and bewildering experience of my life. I did not know what was wrong with me or what was causing it, and spent countless hours searching for that cause. I truly believed that if I could pin down the cause, I would find an ‘answer’ or solution that would bring instant recovery from the multitude of symptoms that assailed me.

6th January 1990 -
I am a mess and I still don’t know why. I see several possibilities as to what is happening to me:
a) I have suffered a major burnout…if this is correct, for the next six to twelve months I will run around looking for ‘the answer…’ (I had suffered an undiagnosed minor depressive episode in 1986 and spent the whole time doing exactly that.)
b) I need deliverance from something inside me or from a major external attack;
c) I need deep inner healing or renewing;
d) that maybe God is telling me that my Christian walk is unbalanced..."
e) that the enemy has developed a strategy of throwing doubts at me, which I analyse to the point that it destroys that area of my faith.
g) or maybe a combination of the above.

I have many such entries in my diary, written before I was diagnosed with depression by a doctor and a Christian counsellor. These entries reveal that I often feared that the intense suffering I was going through was caused by spiritual causes and required only a spiritual solution. It is common for Christians suffering from depression to suspect this, since their spiritual life is so clearly off balance. Because of this, they may find themselves asking questions like these: “Perhaps God is not the centre of my life like He should be? Perhaps this suffering is caused by hidden sin in my life? Perhaps I am unwittingly living in disobedience to God? And if any of these are indeed the case, has God has inflicted this suffering upon me to punish or discipline me?”

Some Christian circles also view depression as just a spiritual problem that requires only a spiritual solution. Some tell depression sufferers that they just need more faith, or to read the Bible and pray more, or to rebuke the enemy - that it is nothing more than a concerted spiritual attack. (And yes, Satan does attack those who are suffering from depression, but as my counsellor confirmed, this was not the cause of my depression but merely one aspect of it.)

Because I suspected my suffering had a spiritual cause, I kept searching for a spiritual answer in the belief that such an answer would instantly set me free. I believed that if I were to just take one particular step of obedience, or make one significant change in my spiritual life, or find and repent of a hidden sin, the depression will go away. My exhausted mind kept searching for what was causing the suffering, and because my spiritual life mattered more to me than anything else, my mind latched onto a spiritual topic that troubled me. As I examined and debated that topic, I become convinced that it was the cause of my suffering, and in the end, that topic became an obsession that took over my thought life.

In my first session with my Christian counsellor, I shared with her my fear that it was God who was inflicting depression upon me. And she said, “We make the mistake in thinking that because our spiritual life is affected by depression, the cause must be spiritual. But this is incorrect; depression touches every part of us, so why do we think that it will not touch us spiritually?” She then reassured me of the truth - that God does not afflict depression upon anyone. Using God’s Word, she showed me that my fears were unjustified and helped me to find the correct, Biblical perspective on each of them. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

For example, the symptom of depression that disturbed me the most was the complete lack of peace, which I erroneously believed to be God’s attempt to guide me. My counsellor confirmed that God does not take our peace away, but gives us a peace that transcends our understanding. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7 And also, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27

As depression dragged on, my diary entries also show me realising that there was much more to what I was going through than simply a spiritual problem, due to the host of physical, emotional and mental symptoms of depression that were afflicting me too. Yet even there, I kept looking for ‘the answer’ that would instantly set me free.

24th Sept 90 – (this was written after I knew what was wrong with me and how to recover.)
I can remember that amongst the bewilderment, some of the things I wondered were as follows:
since it was so physical as well as emotional, I wondered if it was caused by food allergies, so I considered seeing a specialist; I wondered if there was something wrong with my neck or back, so I was going to see a chiropractor; I wondered if it was caused by my car seat being set back, so I considered putting it forward; I wondered if it was caused by something being wrong with my eyes; and so on it went. Of course, none of these things had anything to do with what was causing the depression, but how was I to know? (These were all symptoms caused by the depression.)

I learned that there is no single ‘answer’ to be instantly set free from depression, and that it is not easy for us to determine what is causing it by ourselves, since we cannot think objectively while in the midst of it. That is why others, such as a doctor, minister, Christian counsellor/therapist, a wise Christian friend, and even a resource such as the book "Self Help for Your Nerves," can help us to wade through the bewildering mess to find out the causes of depression, and point us in the right direction to recover. In the end I learned that my depression had been caused primarily by genetic inheritance (both of my parents had suffered from it), however, many other factors contributed to its severity and duration: including undiagnosed complex partial epilepsy, chronic insomnia, working myself into the ground, poor diet and lack of exercise, a massive shock, faulty theology, etc.

Depression is a complex illness and normally needs to be treated, which may include medication and Biblical counselling/therapy. And like any illness, even with the correct treatment, recovery and healing is a process that occurs over time. And when the causes of depression and its associated fears/traumas have been dealt with and the fear-adrenalin-cycle has been broken, the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual symptoms will slowly reduce in severity and duration and eventually fade away. And our spiritual life will not only be restored, but can in fact be better than it was previously, as a result of the strengthening of our faith during the trial, as well as being set free from traumas/bondages from our past.

Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4

Download an ebook on depression, ie, this blog's articles

All verses from NIV.

Depression: Good Days and Bad Days

Many if not most places in the world have fairly predictable weather. My wife is from Japan. A rainy season of twenty to thirty days of rain occurs every June, and every summer has a withering string of at least forty hot, humid days.

When someone who is used to consistent weather patterns migrates to the city of Melbourne (where I live) they are in for a bit of a shock.

We Melbournians patiently endure the cold days of winter while eagerly anticipating the arrival of spring and warmer weather. Spring finally arrives and with it comes a string of warmer, sunny days.

New comers rejoice, thinking that winter is finally over and that warmer weather has arrived!

But then without warning the warm spell vanishes, replaced by a cold snap akin to a typical winter day. Those new to Melbourne are caught unawares by this sudden return to the cold. Dressed in thin summer clothes, they shiver and often contract colds or worse. By rights, November, the month proceeding summer, should be nice and warm. Yet my grandmother, who migrated to Melbourne from Queensland, termed September to November the 'pneumonia months,' since these unexpected cold snaps caused so many illnesses.

In contrast to newcomers to Melbourne, the locals expect these abrupt changes in the weather. Throughout spring and even during December, we keep a jacket handy. If the weather turns suddenly cold, rather than be surprised and caught out, we don the jacket and stay warm.

Recovering from depression can be very much like Melbourne’s weather. Depression begins with a frigid, cold winter of despair and black hopelessness. Then as we begin to recover, it is similar to entering spring, and finally summer, or complete recovery.

Speaking from my own experience, once we start to feel better and realize we are improving, we may entertain thoughts such as, “that's it, I'm on the road to recovery, only clear sailing from here on it.”

Unfortunately, if we think this way we set ourselves up for a fall. Because like Melbourne’s spring weather, even when we begin to feel better, depression still has those cold snaps, those bad days, which can catch us completely by surprise – unless we are expecting them.

That is the theme of this article – even when on the road to recovery we need to maintain realistic expectations and expect bad days or periods to afflict us from time to time. Otherwise when they come, we may become shocked, disappointed, downcast, and even fear we are regressing rather than improving. Such reactions of course do make us temporarily worse.

Yet if we know in advance that there will be these bad patches such as panic attacks, mental churning or the return of familiar disturbing sensations, then we can react calmly and head off a negative reaction that would intensify those symptoms. These bad patches are not significant, just a normal part of the healing process. It helps us a lot if we can accept these bad days without fearing or fighting, and simply wait for tomorrow, or the next day. We need to remind ourselves, “It's just one of those days, but it will end. More good times are ahead.” Sometimes it is a case of four steps forward, three back, two forwards, one back, but upon reflection we will see that we are actually moving forward.

This was something I learnt the hard way, as you can see from my diary.

16th May 1990 –
Two weeks ago I felt almost normal again,
But was I too hopeful?
The last two or three days have been almost as bad as before,
And it has caught me off guard.
A familiar disturbed sensation once again flooded my chest and emotions,
And it was too much for me today.

I have several diary entries to this effect, but eventually, I became accustomed to the cycle of occasional bad days mixed with good ones, and I no longer bothered to record them in my diary. Instead, aware that I needed to let time pass, I concentrated on keeping my eyes fixed upon Jesus, pursuing hobbies, serving in the church, exercising, and so on.

So let us persevere and run the race Jesus has set before us, and keep our eyes fixed firmly upon Him, for He is our portion, our inheritance.

Hebrews 12:1 ‘Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.’

Hebrews 12:2 ‘Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.’

Download an ebook on depression, ie, this blog's articles

All verses from NIV.

Mentally Ill Stuffed Animals

A depressed turtle.
A delusional snake.
A paranoid crocodile.
A sheep with multiple personality disorder.
A hippo with autism.

At first glance, you might think these are cute. But go further and you'll learn that these furry animals are stuffed with stigmatizing beliefs about mental illness.

Parapleusch - a European toy company - is selling these toys with the tag line "Psychiatry for Abused Toys". On the website, you can play an online game at The Asylum and give "treatment" to the toy of your choice. But be prepared for stereotyped crazy behavior, outdated and incorrect diagnostic labels, hallucinogenic drug reactions and the always insulting puppet-sock therapy. Make sure you see the "no-hanging" suicide policy wall sign in the community room. Insensitive. Distasteful. Stigmatizing.

Several blogs have picked up on this story - so you might be hearing about this in mainstream media soon. I'm no stick in the mud. I do enjoy humor. But this kinda stuff needs to stop.

What do you think?

World Suicide Prevention Day: 9/10/2010

Did you know that over 1 million people die by suicide each year? That's a death by suicide very 40 seconds.

Suicide is THE most preventable kind of death. Education, resources, intervention and outreach can help children and adults who struggle with staggering sadness, hopelessness and despair.

One of the most far-reaching campaigns is World Suicide Prevention Day. This health education program is sponsored by The International Association for Suicide Prevention, The World Health Organization, The United Nations and many grass root organizations and agencies every year on September 10th.

This year's theme is "Suicide Prevention Across the World"

To learn about the warning signs for suicidal behavior go here.

For suicide resources in the USA use this link - and for worldwide referrals go here.

Clear Mind. Clear Thoughts.

Amazing, how time away can clear your mind and refuel your senses. These are a few of the things I noticed while on vacation this summer.

1. Tea, hot or cold, tastes better when your feet are up.

2. Telling time by where the sun is in the sky is underrated - and surprisingly not that difficult to learn.

3. Where have all the niceties gone? Please. Thank you. I'll be with you in a moment. These little social graces go a long way. Have we become so technologically involved that eye contact requires effort? What about a smile or a nod? I fear courtesy is going the way of the Dodo bird.

4. Evian spelled backwards is Naïve. Do you think the water bottle company did that on purpose?

5. The only perfect science really is hindsight.

Has God Abandoned Me?

“Has God abandoned me?” is a desperate cry from the heart of many, whether stuck in the depths of severe depression or struggling to deal with a major crisis such as a personal tragedy, chronic health problems, even the destruction of lifelong goals.

After floundering in the depths of severe depression for over three months, I wrote this in my diary:

10th April 1990 –
I see others who live and prosper,
And yet here am I, stuck in this dark prison cell.
Jesus, where are You? Please see my circumstances,
Please hear my prayer.
Please set in motion Your answer, Your solution.
Why have You abandoned me?
Why do You remain silent?
I’ve waited and waited, yet I am met with silence.

Someone suffering from depression typically loses interest in life, experiences a sense of overwhelming dread, has terrifying obsessive fearful thoughts, and also panic attacks, insomnia, guilt, confusion, anger, and a dozens of other disturbing symptoms. A depressed Christian also tends to loose the ability to feel God’s presence, cannot take comfort from His Word, and can no longer feel His love.
If struggling with severe depression or a major life crisis, we may also look at our dire circumstances and jump to the conclusion that these terrible things have happened because God has abandoned us. We cannot comprehend how God could still be with us and yet allow us to undergo such suffering.

Here is another entry from my diary:
28th Feb 1990 –
Dear Jesus, I continually get angry with You.
Why have You allowed this? Where are You?
How long will You remain silent? Why won’t You heal me?
I know what You are capable of, yet You do nothing – why?

We may become frustrated, worried and angry when it feels like God’s Word no longer seems to be working, and when He does not seem to be honoring His promises. We wonder if God has left us to fend for ourselves. We cannot understand why He will not answer our desperate prayers – can’t He see what we are going through? Doesn’t He care?

My diary, 14th June 1990 –
The Heavens remain silent,
and this both angers and disappoints me.
I thought I felt Jesus say that He is carrying me through this.
But how can I be sure?
And if He is, why won’t He let me feel His presence?
Why won’t He help me?
Where is His Word? Where are His promises?

Another common reaction is to fear that we have let God down in some major way, wondering if we have stepped outside His will by disobeying Him, or have committed an unforgivable sin. We wonder if this was sufficient cause for God to turn His back on us and abandon us. And if we get angry with God for letting us go through this inexplicable suffering, devastating guilt may follow these bouts of anger. We may even think that we have lost our salvation and are no longer a Christian.

From my diary, 20th July 1990:
Experiences like the past eight months
almost make you wonder,
it makes me wonder if I am one of His children.

Some Christians suffering from depression or a major crisis say: “It feels like God has abandoned me! I can’t feel God’s presence anymore.” Or, “Why has God abandoned me?”

There are two common threads weaving through what I have written above:

1. We may look at our circumstances and leap to the conclusion that God has abandoned us, and/or
2. We can look at our feelings, and because we cannot feel that God is with us, we conclude that He has abandoned us.

So what can we do when we feel or fear that God has abandoned us? What can help us get through this phase?

Recognise Our Feelings are Deceiving Us

When stuck in the midst of severe suffering, we need to recognise what a friend once told me, “We can’t see properly in times like this. Our feelings completely distort our world view and vision.” It is as though we are wearing extremely dark glasses all of the time. Although light surrounds us, we cannot see it because of the dark glasses.

We Must Not Trust Our Feelings

Bearing in mind that our feelings have become distorted, we must remind ourselves daily that we cannot trust our feelings nor pay them any heed – they are tricking and misleading us. This is hard, I know, because throughout our lives we have learned to listen to our feelings and let them guide us to some degree or another. But what may work for a healthy person does not apply to someone suffering from depression. We need to learn not to place any significance on what we are feeling, and recognise that we may remain in this condition for a while. But be encouraged, this phase does not last forever. When our exhausted mind and nervous system heal, whether this takes months or years, our feelings will return to normal. We will feel God’s presence and love again, and we will take comfort from His word again.

We must not use our Circumstances as a Basis to Conclude that God has Abandoned us

We need to realise that our circumstances are not an indication of whether God is with us or not. We Christians sometimes fall into the error of thinking that while things are going well, God must be with us, but when our world falls apart, it means that God has abandoned us.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Firstly, the Bible assures us that God will never leave us nor forsake us. Secondly, it tells us that we will face trials, and that God will use these for good in our lives, and that He will comfort us in and through them. ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’ James 1:2-4
‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’ Romans 8:28
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

We Need to Keep Things in Perspective

We need to remind ourselves that this world and its troubles are only temporary. We who trust in and cling to Jesus have a wondrous hope – one day we shall spend eternity in heaven and see the face of God and Jesus everyday - a perfect place filled with love, joy and peace. We will also have a brand new body that is perfect in every way.
When I consider the unimaginable, eternal riches that await us in heaven, the temporary trials I endure on the earth fade into insignificance.
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.' Romans 8:17-18

Trust in What We Know, Not in What We Feel

So if we cannot rely upon our feelings nor upon the way in which we interpret our circumstances, what can we rely upon? We can rely upon what we know and believe.
We know and believe that God is with us (although we can’t feel it), we know and believe that He loves us (although we can’t feel it), and we know and believe His word is all powerful (although we can’t feel it and things seem to be out of control). We know these things because the Bible tells us, and because the Holy Spirit in us testifies to that fact. For now, it is enough to know God is with us, to know that Jesus loves us, and to know that His Word is all-powerful. It does not matter than we cannot feel these things while depressed or our world view has been distorted by suffering.
In reading through my diary entries, it is interesting to see that although I lamented that I felt abandoned by God, in those very same entries, I also concluded that I knew He was still there and still cared for me. I was learning to rely upon His Word instead of upon my feelings.

13th May 1990 –
The Bible says to consider it joy to endure trials,
I must say that there has been no joy in this trial.
It defies any previous experience known to me.
But I’ve been forced to trust God
when it seems like He has abandoned me.
I have been forced to come to a place
where I have trusted Him without feeling like doing so.
All I want to do is cry out that He had abandoned me,
that He is not faithful.
But He is faithful. And I know that.
He is faithful and true. He is Jesus.

14th June 1990 –
I feel so like Job.
“Curse God and die!” my thoughts yell at me.
“Look at this suffering!
How can He be faithful,
when He’s apparently done nothing
for six whole months now - curse Him and die!”

But God is faithful, and I know that –
it is His name – Faithful and True.

Bible Verses that we can Rely Upon

Feelings can change like the wind and are colored by our circumstances, and circumstances can also come and go. However, God's Word remains constant, it never changes. Let us look at some of those Bible verses now – verses we know are true and can be relied upon.

God’s Promises to Never Leave Us

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Matthew 28:20 “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

John 10:27 “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.”

God’s Promises that He Loves Us

Romans 8:35,38-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?… For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Galatians 2:20 The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

God Never Changes

God never changes, He is the one constant in an ever-changing world. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Assurance of Salvation

If it feels like we think we have lost our salvation, here are a few verses to reassure us of the gift of eternal life that we receive from God when we believe in, cling to and rely upon Jesus.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 6:23.

That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9 And "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16.

It does not matter if we cannot feel that we are saved if suffering from depression or going through a major life crisis, what matters is that we believe in Jesus and stand upon His Word. (More on this topic in this article.)

Relying on God’s Word, not our Feelings

One last thought before I sign off. When we have learned to cope with or passed out of difficult times such as depression, we will be able to look back upon the phase where we thought God had abandoned us, and we will recognise very clearly that He was with us and holding us safely in His hands the whole time.
We will also realise that it was during this time that we learnt to rely upon and stand on God's Word, instead of relying on our feelings.

Luke 6:47-48 “I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.”

What's Your Power Color?

Quizzes like these aren't evidenced based - they're just for fun. But I do hate when they're accurate. This one in particular got me spot-on.

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest: You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.

At Your Lowest: You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.

In Love: You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.

How You're Attractive: You are very affectionate and inspire trust.

Your Eternal Question: "Am I Respected?"

What's Your Power Color?

What's your power-color?

Diary Entries of Two Bad Days of Depression

The reason I am sharing these two diary entries written during two ‘bad days’ of depression is to show that although such ‘bad days’ are very unpleasant and difficult to endure, there is no need to despair, that we can cope with them, and that they do come to an end. The first entry is a little darker than the second, for I did not record all the coping mechanisms that I was using. I made a better effort to do so in the second entry. (Note that I went to work for the whole day for both entries.) At this stage of my depression, I was getting about one week worth of 'bad days' a month, the rest being 'good.' I am still about the same now, but the mental anguish/fears have greatly improved since then.

9.10.2012 Tuesday - I've always wanted to keep a record of a 'bad day' of depression, but to date have not been able to force myself to do so, since I always just want the suffering to end.

However, I've decided to give it a go today. Last month was the best month I've had in two and a half years, a whole month of 'good days'. Last week, sadly, saw me back in the miry pit. And yesterday was a disaster...

But now today. Again that feeling of being physically and emotionally disturbed started soon after waking. My mind is once again unresponsive and sluggish. I could barely even put two thoughts together to pray on the way to work, so I instead tried to fix my thoughts on Jesus and avoid the fearful topic. I mostly succeeded, but I can feel the fallout of yesterday's failure - I feel mentally and emotionally bruised. These bruises will fade away, and will do so quicker if I can keep away from those fears today.

As the morning wore on I began to feel better but by midday it had worsened to being as bad as yesterday. The fears cropped up, and got past my defences. One of the hardest aspects of it all, is that when the fears and anxiety hit, my memory goes blank, and it's like a whole life time of knowledge and learning goes out the window. I kept reminding myself "I'm only having these thoughts because of depression, if I wasn't depressed I would have dismissed them out of hand." But it persisted all the same. I found myself continually slipping deeper into that hellish miry pit, trying to see the true perspective, succeeding, failing, and on it went. Finally an aspect of the true perspective broke through and smashed aside those fears, giving mental peace. However, I still feel physically and emotionally disturbed, and guilty for having failed again. Lord Jesus, when will you set me free from this merry go round? I keep reaching out to Him, asking for His help, and strength.

Well, I thought I'd gotten rid of it, but half an hour later and it was back, tearing my mind apart. But then came lunchtime, and I lost myself in a novel while eating, which finally put my mind at rest. However, I still felt emotionally and physically terrible. I did the post office and bank run, and when I got back I opened the car door, swung out my legs, and just sat there, and asked myself, "Isn't there any medication, anything, that can stop me feeling like this?"

I concluded I would just have to put up with it today, KNOWING that it would eventually fade away until I was no longer aware of it, and in the meantime, just learn to live with it without fighting or fearing it. (But feeling disturbed like this is so bad!)

I got back to work and kept myself very busy, and as expected, the disturbed feeling eventually faded away again. The rest of the day was mostly okay, though I felt like I had been (emotionally) beaten up, my worldview was distorted, and my associations and perspectives were askew.

This second diary entry is 5 weeks later...

12.11.2012 - I woke up this morning feeling terrible - the start of another 'bad day' of depression, the first one for a week or two.

I went to bed late last night, and then made the mistake of reading a book on the Kindle before turning off the light. So as usual, the late night is what triggered this 'bad day' of depression. (This isn’t always the case, though, sometimes I just wake up in that condition.) But I have noticed that late nights, or a string of late nights, are frequently followed by 'bad days.' The first thing I did this morning was take the Kindle out of the bedroom and put it back in the loungeroom.

At any rate, I woke feeling terrible. Although I'm not worried about anything, my face is flushed - my cheeks feel as though spiked by fearful adrenalin. My whole self - mind, body and emotions - feel disturbed and uneasy. This is a terrible sensation/feeling, which I used to dread above almost anything else. But now I just have to accept and learn to live with it, for if I fight it or fear it, it just gets stronger.

I know that all this is temporary - past experience tells me that this terrible feeling should pass somewhere between midmorning and midafternoon. So I just have to keep busy, focusing on other things, and let time pass until that happens.

My mind is sluggish and mental associations/memories on important topics have temporarily vanished again. I try to remember/rebuild them, but as I have only a modicum of mental strength, I will just have to wait until this bad phase of depression passes and my mind recovers some of its resilience. So, I let more time pass.

The terrifying 'topic' that has been a horrible obsession at times during the past 18 months since I mentally and emotionally collapsed, has been pressing against the edges of my mind, tempting me to listen to it and debate it again. But I choose to stick with what I believe, with what I remember from the past, and I don’t get sucked down into that miry pit again this morning. This achievement is in itself an indication of how far I have improved since the collapse, for back then I could not resist it but would fall victim to hours (days) of mental and emotional anguish.

There was another problem with churning fearful topic around 2.30pm, but it eventually faded away, as did the disturbed feeling for the rest of the day, which then became a ‘good day' of depression.

One last thought. I read someone's comments on good days and bad days of depression. They said that the 'good days' are ruined by the knowledge that more 'bad days' are ahead. But they are wrong. We can endure the 'bad days' in the knowledge that they will end, and that more 'good days' are coming.

Click here for a Free booklet on depression

Christ is All We Need

I would like to thank Crosswalk.com for their kind permission in letting me reprint the below devotional written by Selwyn Hughes.

The desire for God
For reading & meditation: Psalms 42:1-11

"My soul thirsts for God, for the living God '" (v.2)

Yesterday we looked at the words: "Whom have I in heaven but you?" Now we examine the second part of that text: "And earth has nothing I desire besides you" (Psa. 73:25b). Personally, I find these some of the most enchanting words in the whole of the Old Testament. The first part of the verse is put in a negative, and the second in a positive form. Having looked around and seen that there is no satisfying substitute for the Almighty, the psalmist goes on to make the positive assertion that from the bottom of his heart he desires to know God. He has come to see (so I believe) that it is more important to desire God for who He is than for what He does or what He gives. In a sense, the psalmist's entire problem arose out of the fact that he had put what God gives in the place of God Himself. The ungodly were having a good time while he was having a bad time. Why was he having to suffer like this? His trouble was that he had become more interested in the things God gives than in God Himself, and when he didn't have the things he wanted, he began to doubt God's love. Now, however, he has come to the place where he desires God for Himself. The ultimate test of the Christian life is whether we desire God for Himself or for what He gives. Each one of us must ask ourselves: "Do I desire God more than forgiveness? More than release from my problems? More than healing of my condition? More than gifts and abilities?" How tragic that our prayers can be full of pleadings that show, when they are examined, that we are more interested in enjoying God's blessings than we are in enjoying God.

Prayer:
O Father, forgive me that so often I am concerned more with Your gifts than I am with You - the Giver. Help me to long after You, not because of what You give me, but because of who You are. In Jesus' Name I ask it Amen.

If you would like to read more of Selwyn Hughes devotionals, Every day Light, they are uploaded every day on Crosswalk's website. You can also subscribe to receive the devotionals by email.

From my diary, 10th April 1990, during my first major depressive disorder episode
I see others who live and prosper,
and yet here I am, stuck in this dark prison cell.
Jesus, where are You?
Please see my circumstances and hear my prayer.
Why do You remain silent?
It makes it look like You don’t care,

I have noticed that when Christians undergo trials and tribulations, such as depression, they may become caught up on the issue that God does not appear to hear or answer their fervent prayers for help. As a result, they may become frustrated and disappointed, or even bitter and angry with God, and in some cases, lose faith in Him and believe He no longer loves them. They may even become depressed as a result.

In the above devotional by Selwyn Hughes, he shows us the underlying problem in our thinking that causes such harmful reactions in us when our prayers for relief from suffering are not answered. Selwyn writes this about the Psalmist - ‘His trouble was that he had become more interested in the things God gives than in God Himself, and when he didn't have the things he wanted, began to doubt God's love.’ Finally, the Psalmist ‘came to the place where he desires God for Himself.’

Even if we had nothing else, even if all our prayers went unanswered, even if we suffered until the day we died, to have Jesus - to have the incomparable riches and wonder of knowing Him, our loving Lord and God, is enough. Selwyn Hughes writes - ‘The ultimate test of the Christian life is whether we desire God for Himself or for what He gives.’ And when we desire God for Himself instead of for what He gives, our perspective on life changes completely. Rather than getting frustrated, angry, bitter and disillusioned when prayers are not being answered, we still have inner peace and joy because we have God Himself, and He will never leave us. 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.' Joshua 1:9

I would like to encourage every Christian to ask themselves in which category they fall, and if in the latter, to hunger and thirst for Jesus and make knowing Him their greatest desire.

I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ. Philippians 3:8

Keeping Track of Depression's Progress

One difficult aspect of depression is trying to ascertain whether we are getting worse or improving. In order to keep track of my second episode of major depressive disorder, I initially kept only a written record in my diary. Through this I was able to ascertain that I was getting progressively worse, but apart from reading dozens of diary entries written over many weeks and months, I could not see my progress at a glance.

When I finally went onto anti-depressant medication in 2011, (which took three tries until my doctor and I could find the right medication for me), I wanted to be able to see at a glance whether the meds were working or not, and whether I was actually improving. And as depression is characterised by cycles of 'good' days and 'bad' days of varying length and intensity, when I cast my mind back over the weeks, I could not tell if I was improving or getting worse.

So as well as keeping a written diary of depression's details, I also began recording depression's 'good' days and 'bad' days on a one-year calendar. I recorded the 'bad' days (or parts thereof) in green and 'good' days in yellow. I also wrote down on which day I began each medication, and when the dosages were increased.

And the result was very encouraging. Even though I often feared (during the periods of emotionally/mentally painful and oppressively dark 'bad' days) that I was not improving - a simple glance at the calendar revealed that my fears were wrong - the proof was right there before my eyes - the number of yellow days were increasing. I was recovering from depression at last.

Below is the record I kept for 2011 and 2012. It was in mid-Feb 2011 that I mentally and emotionally collapsed, which was the lowest point of this bout of depression. At the moment I am experiencing about three weeks of 'good' days for each week of 'bad' days. And the 'bad' days are much weaker than they were previously.

Here is a link for a printable one-year calendar for 2013. Printable 2013 Calendar