Dr. Deb: A Year in Review

This blog journey has been a most gratifying experience for me. I continually learn new things, get a chance to write about them and enjoy the discussions that my regular readers, as well as passersby, offer.

Every year about this time, I take a look at things, especially which posts get the most reads. I blog about a lot of psychological issues, but the one post that garnered thousands of hits this year was about Broken Heart Syndrome.

Profound emotional sadness can lower your immune system, increase blood pressure, heart rate and muscle weakness. Stress from grief can flood the body with hormones, specifically Cortisol, which causes that heavy achy feeling in the chest area. All of these issues increase the likelihood of heart attack. The actual medical term for this mind/body experience is Stress Cardiomyopathy. The colloquial term is a broken heart.

If you are in the depths of despair consider these tips:

1) Don't hold in your emotional pain. Studies show that expressing emotions greatly reduces the body's stress response.

2) Don't put a time limit on your grief. And don't let others set one for you either. Consider seeking the guidance of a professional who can help you move through this traumatic loss.

3) Make sure you tend to your physical needs. Eat well, keep a routine sleep schedule. If you require medication to help you with sleeping, modulate your moods or for cardiac management, don't feel ashamed. You are going through a significantly stressful time.

4) A broken heart leaves many people feeling stunned and stuck. Move. Get out of bed. Take a shower. Go for a walk. Feel the sun on your face.

5) Above all else, make sure that you check in with your physician. Remember, Stress Cardiomyopathy is a mind/body event.

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Art that Empowers Girls

Did you know that studies investigating gender roles say that despite recent changes in media, rigid stereotyping for young girls still exists. It's true.

Advertising, cartoons, commercials, picture books and toys are just some of the ways that children develop an understanding about how society defines what is means to be a girl or a boy. Most often, girls are represented as being motivated by love and romance, and are less independent than boys. Experts in the the field confirm that many themes portray girls as sexual yet powerless and passive. What confusing messages!

When looking at the posters above, girls (and boys) can learn that gender roles are not rigid. The artist, Amanda Visell has had her work featured in galleries, museums, toys stores and even movies around the world. I think she's a maverick!

I love the message in this art. Don't you?

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Tips for Getting Thru the Holidays

Overexpectation. This is the single biggest cause of holiday stress. Unrealistic hopes that everything will be perfect, and everyone will be happy can only lead to disappointment, frustration and even depression. Be realistic and enjoy the true meaning of the holidays, which is about celebration and togetherness – not perfection.

Overscheduling. Most of our lives are already overscheduled, even before adding in holiday visits, religious events, and travel. Make plans carefully in advance and don’t be afraid to say “No!" if you feel burdened.

Overindulging. Eat, drink and be merry…within reason. Overeating can worsen certain health problems and causes unneeded guilt over extra pounds. Enjoy the bounty of special celebrations but don’t go overboard.

Overpaying. Don't confuse “stuff” with love. Make a budget and stick to it. Most of all, remember to give the gift of time to children. Long after the $100 video games are forgotten, kids will remember sledding down hills with you.

Overexertion. Don’t wait until the last minute to shop for food and presents. Shop ahead of time. Use the Internet. And don’t go it alone! Delgate if necessary.

Overbearing Relatives. Family conflicts can resurface during what should be ideal moments. Try to avoid falling into old tensions or old roles. If certain people are problematic, be creative with seating or invite people to different occasions at different times. Set aside differences until after the holidays. If friction arises, leave the room to baste the turkey or take a walk with someone.

Overstressed. Keep an eye out for signs of discomfort and stress that takes its toll on your body and mind. Head or backaches, nightmares, withdrawal, irritability and other out-of-character behaviors are a sign that you have taken on too much.

How are you doing with the Holidays?

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Pareidolia is a Cognitive Illusion

Pareidolia is a the tendency to see faces in inanimate objects. This neuropsychological phenomenon is sometimes called a cognitive illusion - whereby our eyes see something and our mind interprets its structure. The result is the experience of seeing something that really is not there.

Have some fun and see if you can find the faces in these photos. My favorite is the face of the dog in the clouds. Which is yours?

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Anniversary Effect

"Anniversary Effect", sometimes called Anniversary Reaction, is defined as a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.

Sometimes you can trace the reason why you're feeling sad, irritable or anxious. One look at the calendar and you connect the dots from your current emotional state to the traumatic event. For example, the birthday of someone who's no longer alive, the date of an accident, a natural disaster or a miscarriage, just to name a few.

Sometimes finding the Anniversary Effect isn't as easy to trace because the event doesn't have a time-specific relationship. It may be more of a seasonal experience. For example, Autumn reminds you of when your child left for college, or a hot humid day reminds you of the time you signed your divorce papers. Or for me, the sounds of Christmas music on the radio takes me back to the trauma of a botched robbery that nearly took my life.

Anniversary Reactions signal that you are still working on moving through the trauma of your experience. It is often a normal part of the grieving process.


What You Can Do


1. Make sure you take time to glance at a calendar each month - and explore dates and memories attached to such dates. This framework can help prepare you for the possibility of an Anniversary Reaction.

2. The anniversary date is not the only day that you might feel out of sorts. Remind yourself that days or weeks leading up to an anniversary date - and even ones after, may be tough ones for you.

3. Anniversaries of public trauma, crises or disasters receive significant media coverage. Often, media outlets revisit distressing imagery. Limit your watching of TV, reading of newspapers and visiting Internet news sites around those dates.

4. Express your memories and feelings when an Anniversary Effect happens. You can do this by talking with a family member or friend, journaling, blogging or finding creative ways to express your inner experiences.

5. Make sure you take good care of yourself during these times. Self-care, support and comfort will help ground you as you move through trauma.

6. If you find that you're struggling with your trauma, remember that you're not alone. Loss affects each of us differently, so don't put a time limit on your grief. If you feel overwhelmed or cannot navigate successfully through your Anniversary Reaction, consider seeking the counsel of a trauma specialist.

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