Depression: on the Road to Recovery

I languished in a bleak, miry pit of severe depression for eight months, from Dec '89 to July '90. However, during that time many seeds for my eventual recovery were sown. Amongst other things, medication helped dull the pain, and counselling from a Christian counsellor helped me to face and find the correct perspectives regarding the deep fears and traumas that had become impassable mountains in my life.

At the end of July ’90 I read “Self Help for Your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weeks, and shortly after that hope became a permanent fixture in my life again. In the diary entry I made one month later, several things I wrote about showed that I was on the road to recovery. Complete recovery was some time off, however, I would make dramatic progress over the next few weeks/months.

25/8/1990 -
Life has changed now that I know what's wrong with me.
All the bewilderment of:
what is wrong with me? What is going on?
why won't it stop or go away?
where did it come from?
is gone!
Now I say with relief –
I know what's wrong with me,
My nervous system has packed up
It has developed a habit cycle
of manufacturing too much adrenalin,
and it does so ALL of the time.

But apart from that it is very hard.
I still feel exhausted and awful most of the time.
All I want to do is be normal again.
I want to be able to see people again.
I wish I had some friends,
I feel so alone.

I want to be able to get involved in a church again.
I want to be a muso
And get back to sharing the gospel again;
at the moment I'm not doing anything.

I just want to get on with life.
I want to be whole again - but stay within my limits this time.
I want to get my girl, get married, and have my own children.
I want to be as close to Jesus as I was before.

The early signs that I had left the dark winter of depression and was entering a time of ‘spring’ were:

1. The mind boggling bewilderment of "what is wrong with me!" was gone. I now understood what was wrong with me, how I had gotten into such a state, and had a strategy for recovery.

2. Instead of hiding from world like I did during those eight dark months, I realised I was lonely and needed and wanted human fellowship.

3. Instead of feeling useless and having no desire to do anything, I wanted to get involved in a church again, as a musician and by sharing the gospel.

4. I had abandoned all dreams of getting married during those eight dark months, but the desire to get married and have children had returned.

5. My lifelong driving passion to come closer to Jesus had also returned.

The Lord was gently restoring me to wholeness, to being ‘myself’ again.

Psalm 116:3-9
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simple hearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.
For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.


The next post will be, “Do I have to fully recover from depression before I can get back out there?”

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How Should We View Ourselves?

There are many different ways of looking at ourselves, but which way is correct?

We can view ourselves through society’s standards and expectations, which are commonly revealed through the mass media including film, television, radio, magazines, and the internet, as well as through schools, the home, and social settings.

Unfortunately, society says that our worth depends upon our intelligence, attractiveness, education, money and achievements. Our society places too much value upon being successful, and often rejects or criticises people who attempt something but fail. Such people may become so disillusioned that they stop trying.

Society also teaches the theory of evolution, telling us that humans have evolved from animals as a result of random chance, and are therefore have no significance.

We can also view ourselves through our parents’ eyes. As a person’s self-esteem is formed during the early years of their childhood, it is important that parents encourage and build-up their children so that they develop a positive self image. Sadly, this is often not the case, as some parents criticise, shame, reject or over discipline their children. Such unnecessary criticisms and negativity gives the children a negative view of themselves. Upon reaching adulthood, such children often view themselves through their parent’s eyes, and even continue to treat themselves as their parents treated them, criticising, rejecting, even hating themselves.

Many parents also place unrealistic or impossible standards or goals before their children. They expect their children to be successful or famous. If the child fails, or is not interested, the parents say that they are hopeless, or punish them harshly.

The way that our friends and peers view us can also have a large influence on the way we view ourselves.

If we do not behave like them, they can be critical or reject us. Throughout my years at school, I watched some classmates bully and mock any child who was different. Some children tried to change so that the bullies would accept them, even doing what was wrong in order to please them. Other children suffered beneath the yoke of such oppression every day.

Another way to view ourselves is through our own eyes. This is not healthy either. If we have had a difficult childhood, we tend to carry that baggage into adulthood, falling into the trap of being too hard on ourselves, especially if we have made a mistake. And if we stumble and sin, even though we repent and receive God’s forgiveness, waves of guilt and condemnation continue to plague us long after the event. Pursuing unattainable goals and setting unrealistic expectations causes us to become even further disillusioned with ourselves. If we fail when attempting something too hard, we may conclude that we are a failure, no good at anything, or that no-one likes us.

So then, how should we look at ourselves?

We should view ourselves through the eyes of the One who loves us so much that He died for us, so that we may live with Him, both now and for eternity.

Hebrews 12:2 says Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. What was that joy set before Jesus that motivated Him to die for us? The answer is in 1 Thessalonians 5:10 He died for us so that, whether we are awake (on earth) or asleep (in heaven), we may live together with him. Jesus treasures us so greatly that He wants us to share our whole life with Him.

God did not wait for us to be perfect before He loved us. While we were still sinners, He reached out to us, drawing us, dirt and all, into His loving arms. That means that we are significant, that we are special. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

God forms His children, those who believe in Jesus, into new creations, conformed into Christ’s wonderful likeness. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

God thinks of us as His treasure. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17:8

2 Corinthians 5:21 tells us that, God made Jesus, who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Jesus we might become the righteousness of God. So if God looks at us and sees the righteousness of Jesus in us instead of our sinful nature and problems, we should look at ourselves in the same way.

Zephaniah 3:17 is one of my favourite verses in the Bible, because it shows so clearly how God thinks of His children. The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Instead of looking at ourselves through the eyes of society, parents, friends, or ourselves, let us look at ourselves through the eyes of Jesus. Then we will know that we are accepted, appreciated, treasured, and loved.

This was a lesson that the Lord re-taught me while stuck in the pit of severe depression:

From my diary, 15/5/1990 –
Self-hate keeps descending upon me like a swarm of angry hornets.
I look at myself and find nothing but contempt
for this pathetic person that I have become.
But I know that this is wrong.
If I examine myself through Jesus eyes, I see someone special.
I see how much He loves me, and cares for me,
how much I mean to Him, and that He understands.

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How Open Minded Are You?

You Are 56% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded. Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints. But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line. You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

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Brazil Yogurt Is At It Again: Another Fat Campaign

Fat discrimination seems to be running rampant these days. And research supports this trend.

Yes, it's true, we're not as active as our ancestors. Yes, we all lead far more sedentary lives than centuries, or even decades ago. And yes, it's important to make mindful nutritional choices. But why in the age of genetics, are obese individuals still shamed about their appearance? Is the question really that the general public hasn't fully embraced the "Health at Every Size Movement."

Scientific research has shown that weight and body type are genotype-specific. This means that your weight range is tied to your genetic template - and it's very difficult to change. Still, many people think that those who are overweight and obese are just lazy, thoughtless and lack willpower. A recent study even noted that medical professionals viewed overweight patients as “awkward, unattractive, ugly, and unlikely to comply with treatment.”

Egads.

Back in 2007 the Brazilian yogurt company Marilia tried a "shame campaign" to sell their product. Many, myself included, actually found the photos of the plus size women lovely, not unappealing like the advert suggested. It was still a thoughtless and stigmatizing campaign.

This current advert is less playful and more hostile. A gun target image of a fat man and woman. "Goodbye Fat" is the tagline.

What do you think?


Daníelsdóttir, S., O’Brien, K., & Ciao, A. (2010). Anti-Fat Prejudice Reduction: A Review of Published Studies Obesity Facts, 3 (1), 47-58 DOI: 10.1159/000277067

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Preventing Depression

It may not always be possible to prevent depression; however, there are several things we can do to stop an approaching episode becoming severe or long-lasting. Here are some things that I have learnt that can either prevent us from succumbing to depression, or at least, stop it becoming severe or long lasting. Had I known these things back in 1989, I would not have become so severely depressed.

Trust in God – it is imperative that we completely, totally, utterly trust in God, recognising that He is in control of all things, even when it seems like our lives are a complete mess and out of control. Life is like riding in a bus, and the bus drive is Jesus. We can be comforted by the fact that the bus driver always knows the destination and how to get there.

Central to trusting in God is that we know Him intimately. Jesus said, “Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” John 17:3. If we view God as being distant and aloof, we cannot trust in Him completely and this will cause problems when we encounter life’s storms. Selwyn Hughes writes; “But the plain fact is this – when we are close to God and have a deep and intimate relationship with Him, we may feel downcast but not destroyed.” (1)

Maintain a Realistic Outlook Upon Life – life is not one big happy joy ride, everyone goes through trials and experiences times of discouragement and disappointment. We must expect such times as well as better times of joy, satisfaction, and achievement. However, there is no need to fear such trials, because when they come, Jesus will be there, ready to help us deal with them. (In 1989 I subscribed to the erroneous belief that God would always keep me safe from disasters and severe trials.)

Exercise Regularly – being physically fit helps all areas of our lives. It can boost our immune system, reduce the effects of illness, strengthen our bodies and help prevent injuries, make our minds more flexible and alert, boost our confidence, lift our emotions, and even improve our spiritual condition. (I was not engaging in any form of exercise in 1989.)

Eat Well – it is crucial that we maintain a healthy diet. We should not skip meals, especially breakfast, the most important meal of the day. We need to have a balanced diet included plenty of water, fruit, meat and vegetables. However, in rare cases where a healthy diet makes us worse, we should see a doctor and get a blood test to check if we have any food intolerances such as being gluten or fructose intolerant. (In 1989, I ate poorly and skipped many meals.)

Sleep Well – Sleep is a crucial part of staying healthy. Typically, someone needs seven to eight hours sleep a night. The occasional bout of insomnia is not a problem, but if afflicted by chronic insomnia, we need to see a doctor and see what can be done about it. (I suffered from chronic insomnia in 1989.)

Rest and Recreation – we must take care that our live does not become all work and no play. At least one whole day a week must be set aside for rest and recreation, and we also need to set aside some time for ourselves each day. Rest and recreation can include social activities with friends, hobbies, sports, going for a walk, reading a book or watching TV, going to church, and so on. (In 1989, I was so busy working full time as well as working part time as an assistant pastor, that I left almost no time to pursue my hobbies or rest.)

Deal with Fears/Traumas – this is one of the most important issues in preventing depression. We need to receive counselling from a pastor/counsellor or professional therapist, if we have deep-seated irrational fears or past traumas that are constantly tripping us up or causing anxiety attacks. These problems need to be faced, addressed, and dealt with, so that we can be free from them for the rest of our lives. (During 1989 I struggled constantly with panic attacks and fearful thoughts, which were largely linked to past traumas and associated faulty theology. I also suffered a major shock, but rather than seek help, I tried to sweep it under the carpet and go on as though it had never happened.)

Learn Strategies to Cope with Anxiety – if we struggle with anxiety, it is crucial that we learn coping strategies to deal with it. For example, we need to understand how anxiety works, how to react to difficult situations and fear, so that we do not fall prey to the deceptive fear-adrenalin-fear cycle. I learnt many practical coping strategies from the book, “Self Help for Your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weekes, and have shared many on this blog. (In 1989, I knew nothing about anxiety attacks and had not learnt any coping techniques.)

Let go of the past – dwelling on injustices inflicted upon us by others, or even upon our own past mistakes, can afflicts us with anger, bitterness and/or guilt, which are very powerful and destructive emotions. Although not easy to do, we need to forgive others and ourselves.

Be Active in a Local Church – we need to be in a supportive Christian environment such as a local church or cell group, so that we can both receive support, encouragement and prayer, and have the opportunity to serve the Lord by helping others.

(1) Every Day with Jesus, Jan/Feb 1995 Issue, 26th January. CWR.

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Sleep Disorders Are No Laughing Matter...But You Can Laugh At This.

March 7 thru the 13th is Sleep Awareness Week. Good sleep is important for physical health. As for emotional health, studies suggest that mental health difficulties are often accompanied by sleep disturbances.

Don't let sleeping too little or sleeping too much interfere with your well-being. Contact your healthcare professional.

Though sleep disorders are no laughing matter, the video below is.





Lee, M., Choh, A., Demerath, E., Knutson, K., Duren, D., Sherwood, R., Sun, S., Chumlea, W., Towne, B., Siervogel, R., & Czerwinski, S. (2009). Sleep disturbance in relation to health-related quality of life in adults: The fels longitudinal study The Journal of Nutrition, Health and Aging, 13 (6), 576-583 DOI: 10.1007/s12603-009-0110-1

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The Importance of Proper Media Coverage of Suicide

The way media reports suicide can do one of two things. They can unwittingly create a contagious trend or can educate and help others receive treatment.

Research has shown that how suicide is reported makes all the difference. Below is an excerpt from the Suicide Prevention Resource Center.


What to Avoid

• Avoid detailed descriptions of the suicide, including specifics, method and location.
Reason: Detailed descriptions increase the risk of a vulnerable individual imitating the act.

• Avoid romanticizing someone who has died by suicide. Avoid featuring tributes by friends or relatives. Avoid first-person accounts from adolescents about their suicide attempts.
Reason: Positive attention given to someone who has died (or attempted to die) by suicide can lead vulnerable individuals who desire such attention to take their own lives.

• Avoid glamorizing the suicide of a celebrity.
Reason: Research indicates that celebrity suicides can promote copycat suicides among vulnerablepeople. Do not let the glamour of the celebrity obscure any mental health or substance abuse problems that may have contributed to the celebrity’s death.

• Avoid overstating the frequency of suicide.
Reason: Overstating the frequency of suicide (by, for example, referring to a “suicide epidemic”) may cause vulnerable individuals to think of it as an accepted or normal response to problems. Even in populations that have the highest suicide rates, suicides are rare.

• Avoid using the words “committed", “failed” or “successful” suicide.
Reason: The verb “committed” is usually associated with sins or crimes. Suicide is better understood in a behavioral health context than a criminal context. Consider using the phrase “died by suicide.” The phrases “successful suicide” or “failed suicide attempt” imply favorable or inadequate outcomes. Consider using “death by suicide” or “non-fatal suicide attempt.”


What to Do

• Always include a referral phone number and information about local crisis intervention services.

• Emphasize recent treatment advances for depression and other mental illness. Include stories of people whose treatment was life-saving or who overcame despair without attempting suicide.

• Interview a mental health professional who is knowledgeable about suicide and the role of treatment or screening for mental disorders as a preventive strategy.

• Emphasize actions that communities can take to prevent suicides.

• Include a sidebar listing warning signs, or risk and protective factors for suicide.


Resources

List of Suicide Hotlines

Suicide Symptoms and Warning Signs

Overcoming Suicidal Thinking

Protective Factors and Resources



Pirkis, J. (2009). Suicide and the media Psychiatry, 8 (7), 269-271 DOI: 10.1016/j.mppsy.2009.04.009

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