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Why Won’t God End My Suffering?

Everyone suffers, Christian and non-Christian. Job 5:7 ‘Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward.’

However, I have noticed that those of us who are Christians often respond to suffering in one of two ways:

a) we know that God has the power to end the suffering and set us free, but when He does not do so quickly, we are frustrated and tormented by this knowledge. This is what I wrote in my diary on 14th June 1990, ‘Why won’t Jesus help me - His Name is Saviour, so why am I failing so helplessly. All He needs to do is speak to my inner storm and say, “Peace, be still!” And then I will be whole again.’ I spent several months in this phase, knowing He could miraculously end the depression, then getting angry with Him because He did not do so. Overwhelming guilt for getting angry with Him instead of trusting Him followed this.

b) another common reaction is to think the trial is the result of concealed sin in our life. We begin a soul-searching witch-hunt trying to find that sin. I spent hours praying, searching my heart and mind, tearing myself to pieces as I tried to uncover concealed sins – all to no avail.

James 1:2-4 teaches us what reaction we should have, but it is a very difficult verse to learn to put into practice. ‘Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.’

This teaches us that trials:
a) are going to come our way
b) and will do so for a reason

At first I struggled (and failed) to put James 1:2-4 into practice while depressed. Romans 8:28 says, ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’ Yet we may well say, “What good could ever possibly come into my life through this?!”

It was only after I accepted that depression was part of my life and stopped fighting and fearing it, that I was able to put James 1:2-4 into practice. At that time I thanked and praised God for what He was doing in me through the depression, and for the depression as well. I recognised His sovereignty - that He was in control - and was using it for good, and would use it for good. Recovery from depression begins in earnest when we reach this place - it also releases the power of God’s grace into our lives.

Trials Develop Our Faith

This then is the first reason God allows trials to come our way – He uses them to develop our faith and maturity and to fashion us into the image of Christ. This can be very painful, but is well worth it in the end.

(A small post script here too. Note that James says ‘face trials of many kinds.’ He does not say ‘all kinds.’ We can avoid some trials by simply walking away from them. Others are spiritual attacks that can be torn down with the spiritual weapons we have in Jesus. And in other cases, God does free us from them miraculously. But we need God’s wisdom to recognise what kind of trial we are experiencing. Too often people think depression is a spiritual attack that can be stopped instantly, or an illness that should be healed on the spot.)

Trials Teach us to Rely Upon Christ's Strength

There is a second reason God allows us to undergo trials. It is during these times that we learn to rely upon Christ’s strength, rather than upon our own. We come to realise that Christ’s grace and provision is truly all we need to persevere.

Paul learnt this lesson through his own sufferings, as revealed in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. ‘Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it [a thorn in my flesh] away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.’

To surrender control of our life to Jesus, and to accept the suffering instead of fighting and pleading for it to end, is a difficult lesson to learn. But we can rest assured that Jesus will never put us through something that we cannot overcome with His assistance. Philippians 4:12-13 ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’


The other day, while reading the diary I kept while depressed, I was amazed to find this entry from March 1990.

March already. To think that I was expecting this year to be the best I have had yet. It’s a nightmare, and the worst I can remember. In light of all this, I have been thinking of marriage in two ways. On one hand, I’m in favour of never getting married. If I’m going to go through things like this again and again, then I do not want to burden any poor woman with me. On the other hand, I will not mind going through things such as this, if my wife will go through such things too. In which case, at that time I will understand what she is going through, and I will simply support her, accept her, place no pressure on her, and I will give her as long as she needs to come out of it.

I had no idea how prophetic that entry was. My wife did indeed suffer from depression, and because I had been there previously, I was able to support her through it.

Trials Equip Us to Help Others

This then is a third reason God allows us to suffer. These trials equip us to comfort and encourage others who face the same trials. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 describes the process perfectly. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

Our Lord and Saviour Jesus endured trials on Earth, for that very same purpose. Because He went through them, He is able to comfort and support us.

Hebrews 4:14-16 ‘Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathise with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.’

In Isaiah 9:6 we read that one of Jesus’ names is Counsellor, or Comforter. ‘For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.’

So be encouraged that Jesus is able to comfort us because He experienced trials too, and be further encouraged that we go through trials such as depression so that we can later comfort and support others who are going through it. I like to think of myself as a signpost that shows others suffering from depression the way to learn to live with it, and then overcome it.

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(All verses from the NIV)

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    January is National Mentoring Month



    I have had many a mentor in my life growing up. A person who took a unique interest in me, fostered my growth and guided me onward. I am forever grateful to have known each of them.

    As an adult, I have been a mentor to young children and young adults. The experience is so rewarding and meaningful. A grand way of nurturing a young soul.

    January is National Mentoring Month . If you live anywhere in the world and are interested in being a mentor, or becoming a mentee, go here or here -- or for that matter, here!

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    How Do You Support Someone Suffering from Depression?

    The purpose of this post is to provide some practical tips that family members and close friends can follow to support a loved one suffering from depression.

    A Trip to the Doctor

    Family members (or a close friend) should encourage or even take someone suffering from depression to visit the family doctor. In a situation like this, a doctor can be of great help. (I will address this issue in more detail in a later post.)

    Seek Professional Help

    Encourage a family member/friend suffering from depression to seek professional help from a suitable Christian counsellor who understands depression, or from a professional health care worker (preferably a Christian). This will help the sufferer to identify and deal with often-private issues that are causing the depression. (I will address this issue in more detail in another blog.)

    Our Role – Patience, Not Pressure

    Someone who has not experienced depression cannot possibly understand what a sufferer is going through. Although it is tempting to pressure them to “Snap out of it,” or “Pull yourself together!” this is the wrong course of action.

    When my wife succumbed to depression as a result of postnatal depression and a serious problem in our church, she suddenly announced one day; “I don’t want to go to church any more.”

    There were a number of ways I could have responded: I could have said, “The Bible says believers must not forsake our assembling together with other believers!” or perhaps, “That’s our church, our home, we must stick it out!” But her request reminded me of a similar request I had made of my church back in 1989 when depression had overwhelmed me. I was confused and bewildered and my behaviour completely erratic. Having just returned from an extremely hectic and sleepless ten-day missionary orientation trip to Thailand, (where my weight had fallen to 55kg), I asked if I could take time off to work out what was wrong with me. Sadly, I was told to get my act together and fulfil my responsibilities or a drastic course of action would be initiated. This simply sent me spiralling into shock as well.

    My wife’s request and condition also reminded me of a married couple who had been down this very road. When the wife had become depressed due to a family tragedy, her husband responded with the most amazing depth of understanding and Christ-like patience. He left church with her and was just there for her. He never put her under any pressure but waited patiently for her to recover. And sure enough, she did recover, and they returned to the church.

    Bearing these things in mind, my response to my wife’s statement was to call the senior minister and explain our situation. He was very understanding, and sent us on our way with his blessing, telling us not to be concerned about dropping suddenly out of the Sunday School and music teams. For the next two years, I was simply there for my wife. I encouraged her to get counselling, and took her to see a doctor, but I made no demands on her. We attended another church during that time, but did nothing more than attend the services. After about two years, my wife recovered and returned to her normal self, strengthened by her ordeal. At that time we went back to our church (the serious problem had gone) and are still busily serving the Lord there today.

    If someone suffering from depression feels trapped by their circumstances, and wants to leave their church, we should not pressure them to stay. A couple of months after I returned from Thailand, I ended up leaving that church. The leadership thought I was the target of a concentrated spiritual attack (which was certainly true a degree) and pressured me to return. They meant well, and genuinely cared for me, but this pressure only made me worse, as you can see from what I wrote in my diary at that time.

    28/2/90
    My previous place of fellowship puts me under pressure.
    Come back to us! You need the ministry we can give you.
    But they don’t really understand, they can’t see the pain.
    How do I explain to them how I feel?
    The last few nights I cried, a deep crying that hurt more than it healed.


    The best way that we can support a loved one suffering from depression is to simply be there for them and spend time with them, even if merely watching TV or together or engaging in a mutual hobby or chore such as gardening or housework. Be someone they are content to be with, someone that they can talk to without worrying that we will respond judgementally.

    I am always encouraged by the way Jesus views our frailty – He knows we are weak, and He treats us with gentleness. Isaiah 42:3 ‘A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.’

    Sherry Castelluccio, who suffered from severe post-partum depression after the birth of her daughter, offered this advice when I asked her if there been any particular person who supported her greatly through depression.

    My husband has been my biggest advocate. When I had the post-partum depression he got his feet wet and kind of had no idea what to do with me. He really believed that I just needed to pray and allow God to heal me. Little did he know, LOL. Fast-forward six years. He’s very understanding of what I’m going through and he supports me in the decisions I make. In every way he’s there for me, regardless of whether he “gets it” or not. He’s learned that most of the time I don’t want him to fix anything. I just need him to listen and he’s perfectly fine with that.

    We must be careful not to badger them to change back to what they used to be like, nor try to push them to recover. Recovery, or at least, learning to cope with depression, will come with time, but we must give them that time. If there are things that they cannot face, we should not force them to face them, but allow time to bring healing. This may mean that we have to take over some of their household chores for awhile, be willing to cancel social engagements for a time, perhaps even church.

    Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

    Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles

    (All verses from NIV)


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    Keeping the YOU in Yuletide


    The holiday season can be a time of great joy, connection and celebration. And if you find yourself feeling the warmth of the season, you are lucky.

    Many, though, do not find the holidays a time for celebration. Family strife, financial woes, traumatic memories and even loneliness can make the season dark, not bright.

    If you are having a rough time as the holidays approach, keeping YOU in this Yuletide Season may help.

    1 Put yourself first.
    2. Don't over-schedule your time.
    3. Keep a limit on spending.
    4. Avoid triggers that set old traumas into motion.
    5. Focus on what you can control.
    6. Choose to do things you want to do, not have to do.
    7. Keep expectations realistic.
    8. Don't be afraid to delegate or ask for what you need.
    9. Live in the present and future, resist the memories of the past.
    10. Find beauty in things around you.


    And if you find yourself struggling, reach out and get help.


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    Acceptance and Committment Therapy

    Anger and aggression are often experienced among individuals who've been through traumatic experiences. Many anger management techniques like Stress Inoculation Training focus on the control or management of anger and rage. Though some may find relief in these fencing and corralling techniques, some may not.

    For those who find that suppressing or controlling their anger leads to a vicious cycle of greater anger and aggression, there is a new therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that might be able to help.

    Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) gets it name from one of its core messages: to accept what is out of your personal control, while committing to do whatever is in your personal control to improve your quality of life.

    ACT focuses on 3 areas:

    Accept your reactions and be present
    Choose a valued direction
    Take action

    Sounds like good advice.
    I'm gonna learn more about this new Cognitive Behavioral Technique.

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    Depression - Empowered by a Lack of Knowledge

    They tell us that “ignorance is bliss, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.”

    Yet with depression, nothing could be further from the truth, as confirmed by Hosea 4:6. “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” It is ignorance of clinical depression and the way it operates that gives it so much power.

    Please note that ‘clinical depression’ is also known as major depressive disorder, organic depression, or simply as depression. Symptoms may include loss of interest in life, overwhelming sadness, obsessive fearful thoughts, fear that this bleak, distressing phase will never end, having no hope for the future, and having disturbing physical, mental, emotional and spiritual symptoms.

    If I had known back in the late 1980s what I know now, I would not have fallen victim to an endless cycle of debilitating anxiety attacks nor slipped into a suffocating depression that destroyed my life for eight long months. If I had a dollar for every time I wished I could take my current knowledge back to 1989 and live my life again from that point, I would be rich.

    Many positive steps have been taken in recent years to educate our society to the dangers of depression. Radio, television, newspaper and internet adverts warn of depression and encourage sufferers to seek professional help. Nevertheless, I suspect few people in our society can truly relate to what an individual suffering from depression is going through, and even fewer know practical steps that can prevent or overcome it.

    Although I had attended thirteen years of school, teacher’s college (with child psychology), and Bible College (with a counselling component), none of the courses taught me specific details about depression or provided a practical guide to overcoming it.

    Hence, when I finally slipped headlong into depression at the end of 1989, I had no idea what was wrong with me. As the days turned to weeks and then to months, the fear that this ‘thing’ that had overcome me would never lessen or end crippled me.

    I spent hours recording my woes and symptoms in my diary in a futile attempt to work out what was going on. Here is an early entry:

    31st Jan ’90 – I feel like the Melbourne weather. I regularly get extremely angry, very angry, even with God. And then, half an hour later, I want to cry, in despair and loneliness…I feel extremely sad for some reason. I even feel extreme momentary excitement every now and then. What has happened to me?

    And three months later:

    12th April ’90 –
    What is this storm that rages within me?
    Why won’t it abate, why won’t it subside?
    It comes in like a storm, and devours me.
    And it won’t go away. It’s nearly four months now.
    Four months of doing nothing, just hiding and hiding and waiting


    Here is something I wrote in July ‘90, which aptly summarises the abject bewilderment I was experiencing.

    A Difficult Road
    How should I view my current condition?
    This constant state of being ill at ease.
    Is it an emotional condition causing physical stress?
    Or a physical condition causing emotional stress?
    I cannot work it out.
    There are so many physical side effects that it could be physical.
    Sometimes my shoulder muscles ache to abandon,
    The aching pain in my jaw drives me crazy.
    My face and arms get a burning, prickling sensation.
    My stomach feels trapped, as though it needs to burst,
    Or simply feels disturbed.
    My chest feels like its going to explode,
    And like my stomach, often feels ill at ease.
    I’ve also suffered from flu symptoms since April.
    These physical problems alone would be enough to cause emotional stress.

    And as there are physical problems, so there are emotional ones.
    I feel uncomfortable all the time, most notably while at work.
    Frustration, irritation, anger and uncontrollable depression are ever present.
    Words are inadequate to explain the emotional effects that afflict me.
    They vary from a feeling that something big and dark will consume me,
    To endless mental churnings that only makes me worse,
    To those times where it is so faint that I can only just detect it.
    These emotional problems alone would be enough to cause physical stress.

    I wish I had a word to describe this ‘illness’ that assails me,
    Is it ‘depression?’ I really don’t know.



    This uncertainty drove me to the point of despair. On June 14th June ’90 I wrote:

    What is suffering?
    It must be the human inheritance,
    It never ends.
    It just goes on and on and on.
    And I’ve had enough, but whom do I tell?
    How do I get off this merry-go-round?


    Eventually, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, but it was not explained to me in sufficient detail. What a relief it would have been had I known that all of the symptoms mentioned above in ‘A Difficult Road’ above were caused by depression. There were other symptoms as well, such as racing heart, missed heartbeats, palpitating heartbeat, obsessive thoughts, loss of interest in live, extreme anxiety, panic attacks – all caused by depression.

    When I finally learned that depression’s fear-flight cycle caused all these physical and emotional problems, and that by changing my thought processes they would cease, I felt so liberated. (More on this in a later article.) In John 8:32 Jesus said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." As Christians, we also receive help from God’s Holy Spirit. John 16:13 “But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth.”

    Here is an example of how truth and knowledge can set us free from fear. When my son was born, he was placed in a humidicrib because he could barely breathe. The nightshift nurses (he was born at 1.30am) gave me such scant information regarding his ailment that I was greatly distressed. The following morning, however, another nurse explained to me that my son’s lungs had filled with fluid during the caesarean operation, a normal occurrence, and that his lungs would drain naturally, within three days. My fears abated and relief flooded through me, and sure enough, fifteen hours later his lungs had cleared and he was united with my wife and me.

    It is my heart felt desire that all may know not only depression’s symptoms so that they can recognise it in themselves or others, but also know how to recover from it. Satan uses our lack of knowledge to attack us. Recall the warning Peter gave us in 1 Peter 5:8 ‘Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.’ Take special note that Peter says he prowls around like a roaring lion. Satan excels at deceit and deception.

    When I learned in late July 1990 a much more detailed description of what was wrong with me, how I came to be in such a state, and how to recover, I no longer considered myself a freak. Instead, I was comforted by the knowledge that I was suffering from a common affliction. Knowledge replaced ignorance, understanding chased away despair, and hope returned.

    The same Holy Spirit who anointed Jesus lives in us! Isaiah 11:2-4 ‘the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD.’

    Download a pdf booklet of this blog's articles

    (All verses from NIV)

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    How Sarcasm Works

    I don't do it often.

    I'm not that glib or quick on my feet.

    But there are times when I slam a sarcastic zinger and it makes its mark. And yet, there are other times when my well-crafted, acerbic words fall flat.

    Nada. Nothing. A total dud.

    I used to think that it was my delivery. Or that the other person wasn't listening to me. But what research has shown is that others need to be on the same social wavelength when the wisecracks fly. Moreover, the ability to comprehend sarcasm relies on a specific sequence of language, social and cognitive skills that rapidly flow in our mind. So alot has to happen in the neuropathways of the brain for sarcasm to hit its target. That is why the processing of social information can be difficult for some.


    Read more here and leave me alone, already
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