Freedom for the Captives

It was evening, midway through 1989, and the view outside my friend’s lounge room window was of a sky darkened by foreboding rain clouds. I remember sharing my deepest fear with a group of Bible college colleagues. “I suffered a burnout back in ’86 – it was absolutely dreadful. I’m terrified of that happening to me again one day.”

I know now that it was not a ‘burnout’, but a mild episode of depression. 1986 was the final year of my diploma of primary education, yet rather than concentrate on finishing the course, I unwisely began a Bible college correspondence course, became too heavily involved in my local church, and started fasting most lunchtimes. To cap this off, chronic insomnia began afflicting me.

I became so run down that ten weeks of constant illness forced me to pull out of teacher’s college. Sharing this with a pastor at my church, he accused me of doing this on purpose, and then removed me from my position of co-leading an important church ministry. I could not blame him for that since I had neglected my responsibilities since becoming ill. However, accusing me of doing this on purpose was quite a shock. Later, when another pastor heard of this, he supported me and encouraged me to rest and recover.

The next few months were very dark. Not only was I emotionally down, but I felt guilty all the time, always feeling as though I should be doing more than I was. I began wondering if it would ever end.

I slowly pulled out of that dark phase at the beginning of 1987. Upon the return of my zeal for life, I resigned from my job and attended a brick-and-mortar Bible college from the middle of that year.

It seemed as though my life was back on track. Unfortunately, in many people, depression tends to be cyclic, and unless we learn how to deal with it, we run of the risk of succumbing to it again, and again. Unaware that I had suffered a mild bout of depression, and in fact, ignorant of depression’s nature, I forged ahead with my goal to be a pastor and a missionary. However, at the back of my mind was this unsettling fear that I may one day end up back in that dark place.

Psalm 116:3
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

During 1989, a combination of factors triggered the return of depression, except in this occasion I became so severely depressed that my previous depressive episode seemed like a walk in the park.

Psalm 116:4
Then I called on the name of the LORD:
"O LORD, save me!"

I could have spent the rest of my life stuck in cycles of depression. And considering what lay in my future, it was virtually guaranteed. Complex partial epilepsy emerged in 1996, and from 2003 my hearing began to deteriorate rapidly, thanks to otosclerosis. However, that is not how my future turned out. For throughout those dark, desperate months of severe depression, I called and called upon the Lord to save me.

Psalm 116:5-6
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

Jesus, full of compassion and grace, heard my prayers to save me from that dark cycle. With gentleness He helped me to face my fears, to deal with deep wounds from my childhood, and to receive Biblical counselling for the faulty thought processes and theology that kept tripping me up.

Psalm 116:7
The LORD protects the simple hearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

Although dealing with these issues was very painful, through His word, counselling, and the book “Self Help for Your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weekes, the Lord taught me how to break depression’s fear-fight-flight cycle.

Psalm 116:7
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

After eight months of anguish and despair, followed by four years of hope-filled recovery where I lived an almost normal life, the Lord lead me to green pastures, to wholeness, to inner rest.

Psalm 116:8-9
For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

But the Lord did not stop there. By setting me free from the fears, faulty thought processes and theologies that had caused me to stumble so many times, by teaching me how depression works and how to overcome it, Jesus set me completely free and restored me to the land of the living.

Jesus said:
“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,”
Isaiah 61:1-3

I no longer fear depression - its cyclic hold on me has been broken. Although I have endured new trials, such as epilepsy and going deaf, I have not stumbled nor regressed back to depression. By his mercy the Lord set me free from captivity.

All verses from the NIV.

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Season of Cheer or Season of Fear?

"With the holidays season upon us, people everywhere are beginning to prepare for parties, get-togethers and gatherings with neighbors, families and friends.

Such occasions are generally festive, but for the millions of Americans who suffer from anxiety disorders, the "season of cheer" can be the "season of fear."

One form of anxiety is called social phobia, or social anxiety disorder. As with many psychological conditions, the diagnosis is made when feelings and symptoms that are normal in everyone become amplified to the extent that they affect one's daily life.

The condition commonly starts during the teen years and, for some, may persist for many years or even a lifetime. It can be a major source of stress. Although the cause is not completely understood, there seems to be both a genetic predisposition as well as an environmental component. Social phobia sometimes runs in families, but no one knows for certain why some people experience it and others don't.

Social anxiety disorder can be treated with counseling and/or medications. Some of the medicines that are used to treat problems such as depression also are helpful for social phobia, including antidepressants, anti-anxiety medicines and beta blockers. Your health professional can determine which course of action is best for you."

Source:
Mitchell, T. (2009, November 15). Do you have social phobia? USA Weekend Magazine Weekend Magazine

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Depression and Loss of Appetite

The anxiety that accompanies depression can be so over powering that we may lose our appetite. In Psalm 102 we can see that the Psalmist is so depressed by the terrible trial he is enduring, that he feels like withered grass, he forgets to eat, and is so given to lamenting that he has become little more than skin and bones.

Psalm 102:1-7
Hear my prayer, O LORD;
let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
Because of my loud groaning
I am reduced to skin and bones.
I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.
I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.

The words the Psalmist shares here could have been lifted from my diary. During the blackest phase of depression, I too skipped meals and when I did eat, I ate poorly. Although I am 178cm tall, my weight plummeted to 50kg, ie, 8 stone.

I should have gone to see a doctor and a counsellor/professional therapist, and sought practical advice to help me through that phase, even if it included taking medication. Unfortunately, I did not do so and made the mistake of soldiering on.

Eating poorly did not cause my depression, but it certainly made it worse by further weakening my exhausted nervous system, mind and body.

Due to a number of factors, including support from my family, engaging in constructive activities such as going back to work, and exercise, I was able to move on from that phase. The next phase, which lasted several months, was still very difficult, and characterized by lack of hope, constant panic attacks, and dozens of other disturbing symptoms.

Eating during this phase was still difficult. I had little motivation to eat, food seemed almost tasteless, and I often retched while I ate. The anti-depressants I was taking also tended to give me a dry mouth, making it harder to swallow.

However, a few practical things helped me to eat.

I found sipping fluids such as water or soup while eating removed the dry-mouth problem, made it easier to swallow, and even reduced the retching.

I also found that if I distracted myself while I ate, I did not notice my lack of appetite. Things that proved effective in distracting me at mealtimes were eating with my family as opposed to eating alone, eating while watching TV or eating while reading a gripping novel. I have read that health food shops may even be able to recommend natural appetite stimulants.

An important part of recovering from depression is changing our mental attitude towards the illness. Instead of making excuses why not to eat, we need to remind ourselves that as our goal is to recover, a healthy, balanced nutritious diet is crucial. A healthy diet cannot cure depression, but it does play a part in helping our exhausted nervous system, mind and body to recover.

(All verses from the NIV.)

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What Kind of "Book" Are You?

You Are Mystery

You are a natural problem solver. You like figuring out the best way to do something. You are very intuitive. You are good at picking up on people's moods and predicting the future. You can't help but being a bit of a detective and a snoop. You always want to know what's going on. And while you may have the scoop on everyone you know, you're not a gossip. You're a pro at keeping secrets.

What Kind of Book Are You?

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Suicide Survivors Awareness Day

Every year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention sponsors National Survivors of Suicide Day - reaching out to thousands of people who have lost a loved one to suicide. This Saturday, November 21, 2009, is their 11th year of raising awareness and providing support.

Over 230 simultaneous conferences for survivors of suicide loss will take place throughout the U.S. and across the world. An amazing network of healing conferences is available for those who have survived the tragedy of suicide loss. Connecting on this day allows survivors to know that they are not alone in this experience. And perhaps more important than anything else, research has shown that survivors of suicide contribute significantly in better understanding suicide and its prevention. There is great power in the personal narrative.

To find a city worldwide where a conference is being held link here and here

Read more on suicide outreach and about the 10 common myths about suicide here


Andriessen, K. (2009). Can Postvention Be Prevention? Crisis: The Journal of Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention, 30 (1), 43-47 DOI: 10.1027/0227-5910.30.1.43

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Optimism and Your Heart

Two recent issues of the journal Circulation include studies showing that positive thinking and health are interconnected.

In this study over 90,000 American women were followed for eight years, tracking their levels of optimism and heart attack rate. The results showed that the least optimistic subjects had higher incidences of heart attacks. The other study evaluated optimism and Coronary Heart Disease in over 2,000 Canadian men and women - and found that positive thinking resulted in a lower risk for CHD.

Positive Psychology is the study of positive thinking, thriving and resiliency and focusing on strengths-based traits. Though many of us are genetically wired to see the glass half full, you can learn how to accentuate the positive.

I'm a half full person.

What are you?

Tindle, H., Chang, Y., Kuller, L., Manson, J., Robinson, J., Rosal, M., Siegle, G., & Matthews, K. (2009). Optimism, Cynical Hostility, and Incident Coronary Heart Disease and Mortality in the Women's Health Initiative Circulation, 120 (8), 656-662 DOI: 10.1161/CIRCULATIONAHA.108.827642

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Depression and Racing/Palpitating Heart

Depression causes many alarming symptoms. An oversensitive nervous system, flooded with negative adrenalin, can cause missed heart beats, palpitating or racing heart, even sharp chest pains. The first time we experience one of these symptoms can be a truly terrifying experience. We may fear we are having a heart attack. The symptoms are so disturbing that we live in fear of their return, and of course, they do return, and return more frequently the more we fear them.

A ‘missed heart beat’ is alarming. It feels as though your heart stops, followed a pregnant pause, then comes a thunderous thump when the next heart beat comes. Sharp chest pains can feel like a knife in the chest. Heart palpitations such as irregular, banging or accelerated heart beats may become our daily companion, while episodes of ‘racing heart’ where the pulse suddenly accelerates beyond the norm, often accompanied by an inability to breath, are frightening as well.

Because of these symptoms, many sufferers of depression live in terror that they are going to die from a heart attack.

It is crucial if suffering from depression to see a doctor. A doctor’s medical examination will be able to ascertain if there is indeed anything wrong with our heart, or, as is normally the case for someone suffering from depression, they will confirm that these symptoms are merely the result of anxiety/depression.

However, due to our heightened state of anxiety, our fears that we will have a heart attack may not abate.

When I read “Self Help for your Nerves” by Dr Claire Weekes, I was so surprised to see all of these symptoms listed, and encouraged by her assurances that these symptoms were nothing to fear once a doctor had confirmed I was physically healthy.

I put into practise her strategy of facing the symptoms, accepting them instead of fearing or fighting them, and I learning to live with them. Amazingly, after putting these techniques into practice, over time these symptoms faded in intensity and frequency, and eventually stopped.

I recall one particular incident when I was learning to live with these symptoms. (I was still recovering from depression.) My boss had arranged for the men of our company to play a game of paintball with the staff of another company. Note that paintball is not my idea of fun - being pelted by ‘supposedly’ soft plastic balls filled with paint is extremely painful and leaves rather nasty bruises.

Nevertheless, I went to play the game and I remember doing my ‘ninja-thing’ where I infiltrated the enemy lines and used stealth to hunt down the opposing players. I was walking through a rocky area overgrown with tall grass when an episode of racing heart afflicted me. My heart rate accelerated through the roof and I found myself unable to breath. Previously, these experiences had unsettled me greatly, but now that I understood that this was just a symptom of depression that would soon pass, I knelt down and waited patiently. Within moments my heart rate returned to normal and I was able to breathe again. I stood up and went back to hunting the opposing team as though nothing had happened.

These symptoms are typical of depression, trying to trick us into believing we are on the verge of dying, when it is merely an over sensitised nervous system causing these reactions.

Let us place our complete and utter trust in God, that He is in control of our lives and that there is no need for us to fear any of depression’s symptoms.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1 (NIV)

I would also like to announce that I have completely updated the pdf booklet of this blog’s articles, now re-organised into a more logical format. The file is about 1.1 meg in size. Permission is granted to print or photocopy this booklet for personal or non-commercial use. Feel free to give a copy to anyone who may benefit from it.

Just click here to download the pdf. Alternatively, you can also download the pdf by clicking on its image on the blog's right-hand side-bar.

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