Tips for Getting Thru the Holidays

Overexpectation. This is the single biggest cause of holiday stress. Unrealistic hopes that everything will be perfect, and everyone will be happy can only lead to disappointment, frustration and even depression. Be realistic and enjoy the true meaning of the holidays, which is about celebration and togetherness – not perfection.

Overscheduling. Most of our lives are already overscheduled, even before adding in holiday visits, religious events, and travel. Make plans carefully in advance and don’t be afraid to say “No!" if you feel burdened.

Overindulging. Eat, drink and be merry…within reason. Overeating can worsen certain health problems and causes unneeded guilt over extra pounds. Enjoy the bounty of special celebrations but don’t go overboard.

Overpaying. Don't confuse “stuff” with love. Make a budget and stick to it. Most of all, remember to give the gift of time to children. Long after the $100 video games are forgotten, kids will remember sledding down hills with you.

Overexertion. Don’t wait until the last minute to shop for food and presents. Shop ahead of time. Use the Internet. And don’t go it alone! Delgate if necessary.

Overbearing Relatives. Family conflicts can resurface during what should be ideal moments. Try to avoid falling into old tensions or old roles. If certain people are problematic, be creative with seating or invite people to different occasions at different times. Set aside differences until after the holidays. If friction arises, leave the room to baste the turkey or take a walk with someone.

Overstressed. Keep an eye out for signs of discomfort and stress that takes its toll on your body and mind. Head or backaches, nightmares, withdrawal, irritability and other out-of-character behaviors are a sign that you have taken on too much.

How are you doing with the Holidays?

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Pareidolia is a Cognitive Illusion

Pareidolia is a the tendency to see faces in inanimate objects. This neuropsychological phenomenon is sometimes called a cognitive illusion - whereby our eyes see something and our mind interprets its structure. The result is the experience of seeing something that really is not there.

Have some fun and see if you can find the faces in these photos. My favorite is the face of the dog in the clouds. Which is yours?

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Anniversary Effect

"Anniversary Effect", sometimes called Anniversary Reaction, is defined as a unique set of unsettling feelings, thoughts or memories that occur on the anniversary of a significant experience.

Sometimes you can trace the reason why you're feeling sad, irritable or anxious. One look at the calendar and you connect the dots from your current emotional state to the traumatic event. For example, the birthday of someone who's no longer alive, the date of an accident, a natural disaster or a miscarriage, just to name a few.

Sometimes finding the Anniversary Effect isn't as easy to trace because the event doesn't have a time-specific relationship. It may be more of a seasonal experience. For example, Autumn reminds you of when your child left for college, or a hot humid day reminds you of the time you signed your divorce papers. Or for me, the sounds of Christmas music on the radio takes me back to the trauma of a botched robbery that nearly took my life.

Anniversary Reactions signal that you are still working on moving through the trauma of your experience. It is often a normal part of the grieving process.


What You Can Do


1. Make sure you take time to glance at a calendar each month - and explore dates and memories attached to such dates. This framework can help prepare you for the possibility of an Anniversary Reaction.

2. The anniversary date is not the only day that you might feel out of sorts. Remind yourself that days or weeks leading up to an anniversary date - and even ones after, may be tough ones for you.

3. Anniversaries of public trauma, crises or disasters receive significant media coverage. Often, media outlets revisit distressing imagery. Limit your watching of TV, reading of newspapers and visiting Internet news sites around those dates.

4. Express your memories and feelings when an Anniversary Effect happens. You can do this by talking with a family member or friend, journaling, blogging or finding creative ways to express your inner experiences.

5. Make sure you take good care of yourself during these times. Self-care, support and comfort will help ground you as you move through trauma.

6. If you find that you're struggling with your trauma, remember that you're not alone. Loss affects each of us differently, so don't put a time limit on your grief. If you feel overwhelmed or cannot navigate successfully through your Anniversary Reaction, consider seeking the counsel of a trauma specialist.

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Managing Holiday Stress

It's that time of year when many people shift gears and the holidays take center stage. Often, the holiday season is not all comfort and joy. It can be a time of great emotional and physical stress. One of my favorite psychology links is The American Psychological Association - which is featuring a timely post on how to identify holiday stress and build resilience. Here are some excerpts:

Define holiday stress—How do you experience stress? Does that experience change during the holidays? Different people experience stress differently. How do you know when you are stressed?

Identify holiday stressors—What holiday events or situations trigger stressful feelings? Are they related to work, home, relationships or something else?

Recognize how you deal with stress—Determine if you are relying on unhealthy behaviors like smoking or eating to manage stress. Is this a behavior you rely on year-round, or is it specific to holiday stress?

Change one behavior at a time—Unhealthy behaviors develop over the course of time. Replacing unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones requires time. Start small and focus on changing one behavior.

Take care of yourself—Taking care of yourself during the holiday season helps to keep your mind and body primed to deal with stress. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in holiday activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Eat healthy. Make sure you get enough rest and sleep.

Ask for support—Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen to you strengthens your resilience and ability to manage stress. Use the holidays as a time to reconnect with friends and family and strengthen your support network. If you feel overwhelmed by stress, then consider seeking professional help. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies to help you manage stress, change unhealthy behaviors and address emotional issues.

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Airplane Screenings: What's The Big Deal?

Well, for many travelers it *is* no big deal. They don't mind the enhanced pat downs or their naked bodies being seen on X-ray scanners.

But for millions of others, it is quite a to-do.

It's traumatizing to have someone put their hands on you. Or to find that your body scan has not been destroyed but rather saved and on display for others to see. It can be acutely distressing and humiliating to be submissive and under someone's control. Read here about a pilot who didn't feel fit to fly after an enhanced pat down. It can trigger flashbacks of abuse or feel like a sexual molestation. It may reveal more than you want others to know, like if you've had a mastectomy, wear a colostomy bag or are in the midst of gender reassignment, for example. Read here about a bladder cancer survivor's urine-soaked pat down. And if you witness another person's traumatic experience during an airplane screening, you can be emotionally effected. This is called vicarious trauma.

I understand the need for safety and security in this day and age. But these new security measures feel wrong on so many levels. I don't blame the TSA for following their orders. We need to appeal to those in charge, who clearly need to consult with trauma experts. The TSA has a job to do, but needs to appreciate the impact of trauma and to incorporate more sensitive measures.

Tips and Recommendations

1. If you are someone who is going to fly, head over to Dr. Kathleen Young's blog for links, tips and grounding techniques to minimize trauma.

2. Make sure you know your Passenger Rights.

3. Consider accessing grassroots movements like Opt Out Day and We Won't Fly.

4. Write to your US House of Representatives by clicking here.

5. Write your US Senator by linking here.

*** Trigger Alert for Video and Photo ***

Photo from John Wild/johnwild.info

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Suicide "Survivor" Awareness Day: 11/20

Every year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention sponsors National Survivors of Suicide Day - reaching out to thousands of people who have lost a loved one to suicide. This Saturday, November 20, 2010, is their 12th year of raising awareness and providing support.

Over 230 simultaneous conferences for survivors of suicide loss will take place throughout the U.S. and across the world. An amazing network of healing conferences is available for those who have survived the tragedy of suicide loss. Connecting on this day allows survivors to know that they are not alone in this experience. And perhaps more important than anything else, research has shown that survivors of suicide contribute significantly in better understanding suicide and its prevention. There is great power in the personal narrative.

To find a city worldwide where a conference is being held link here and here

Read more on suicide outreach and about the 10 common myths about suicide here

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Inkblot: Red White & Black

So, what do you see?

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